Roundtable!

The CFB roundtables are back, with Fire Mark May starting the party. Some excellent questions which I’ve given a first stab. Fill in around me in the comments.

Give the more zealous portion of your fanbase a religion. What's this cult following? Feel free to give the splitters a derogatory nickname.

The question sort of implies that this religion doesn't already exist, but we know better. The cultish wing of the Texas fanbase lives and dies with recruiting, pre-judging the future of the Longhorns based on which 16 and 17 year olds Mack Brown does and does not get to commit.

The zealots are, literally, already going nuts over kids in the 2009 class, and the more Apocalyptic-inclined of the sect are hissing loudly at Mack Brown's 2008 class. If you believed the crazier among them, Texas should probably just concede the 2009-2011 seasons.

A name for this religion? That's tough... Whatever it should be, it ought to imply that they need professional psychiatric help.

But I guess that's true of most cultists.

Your biggest rival is in town, and College Gameday is coming....to your citaaaaaaay... Create a blatant corporate sellout promotion to appeal to the mass unwashed.

I should defer this one to our local marketing expert, 54b. Sir? (Bingo.)

Add one local delicacy to your stadium's concessions. Post-tax pricing is optional.

An easy one: tacos. Big, tasty Machacado Con Huevo tacos from Juan in a Million.

With an unlimited AD budget, add or subtract one thing to your school's gameday experience that has nothing to do with football.

I’m gonna stick with my running idea from yesterday and see if we can get some momentum going on this – bumper car riding lawn mowers for tailgates. Bumper cars on machines that make that much noise, plus cut stuff, would be electrifying.

Coin a hilariously unrealistic stereotype that you would like to "make stick" for this upcoming season.

An underground club of Florida Gators boosters meet weekly to re-enact scenes from Fight Club and complain about Urban "One-loss" Meyer. Furious about last year’s loss to Auburn, they sacrifice Tigers, drink the blood, and hold séances trying to resuscitate the spirit of Steve Spurrier.

Redesign your conference or independent schedule with reckless abandon. Be prepared to include compensation for jilted schools and conferences in your explanation.

An excellent thought experiment. Arkansas, welcome back to the Big 12. Baylor, it’s been a pleasure knowing ya. Iowa State? Out. TCU, come on down.

The Horned Frogs replace Baylor in the Big 12 South, while Arkansas joins the Big 12 North.

Can you imagine how quickly that would boost the conference’s overall strength?

Following up on your new realignment, blow up the BCS and devise a national playoff system, money grabs and missed exams be damned. Using your new fantasy conferences is optional.

Uh, oh. I’m deferring this one to those who’ve spent some time thinking this through. Billyzane and SMQ have both made reasonable proposals.

Elect one public figure to replace NCAA president Myles Brand. Anyone with proper name recognition is eligible.

I’ll say this – Curt Schilling is the last person I’d want in the position. There are straight shooters, and then there are egomaniacal windbags. Guess which end of the spectrum I think Curt falls on?

I’m going with a less well-known, but far superior (and charismatic) public figure – Neil deGrasse Tyson. Not that I think he’d want the job, but if he did... the man gets things done, speaks eloquently, and is exceedingly thoughtful.

--PB--

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