Texas A&M has just announced that they will immediately offer one of the football team's full scholarships to this aspiring Aggie, and are requesting that the courts release a copy of the game tape for review.  The university and team are still discussing how to best utilize such a raw talent, and have not concluded whether he should be on the actual team or a beloved Yell Leader instead.  A decision is expected soon.

Footnotes:
- The majority of the above story is fiction (as far as I know).
- Sadly, the sickest part is absolutely true.
- Trash talk is fun, and filler is needed for the next 6 weeks.
- Kellen Heard is jealous of Roger Henderson II.