Hypothetically...

Four men in purple shirts enter a conference room and take seats. In front of each chair are coffee pots and a stack of ten legal pads.

Head Coach: Men, this is a special, important meeting. Now, this all may seem odd. Coffee pots. Reams of paper. I know - it's strange. But do you know why I've set things up this way?

Offensive Coordinator: (Groans) Aww, crap. Is the AD office making us think up a new tradition?

Head Coach: No, no. This is even more important than that. We've got two weeks until the Texas game, an off Saturday to rest, and we're gonna go down to Austin and win that game. And to make sure of it? We're going to sit in this room for three straight days until we have that team broken down and figured out in every which way.

Assistants: (Look at each other and snicker)

Head Coach: (Barking) Stop that laughing! You leave this room before we're finished and you're fired. Is that clear?

Defensive Coordinator: No, no, Coach. It's not that. We'll be glad to stay as long as it takes.

Special Teams Coordinator: We'll definitely stay for the whole meeting, Coach. It's just that... well... this may not be quite the braincramp you're imagining.

Head Coach: What do you mean? (Shuffles through calendar on desk) We're playing Texas this week, right?

Offensive Coordinator: Yup. You're right. But... Okay, I'll go first. That okay with the rest of you? (Everyone nods)

This one's gonna be simple. Texas is crippled by three subpar starting linebackers and a coaching staff which will adjust far too slowly. The defensive coordinator blitzes constantly with his middle linebacker, which is fine, because the guy just runs into blockers. We're going to stack the offensive line of scrimmage with blockers, protect Freeman, and enjoy the mismatch when they cover Jordy with a linebacker.

Head Coach: Can we run some trick plays?

Offensive Coordinator: Maybe one, but we won't need 'em.

Head Coach: And that's it? That's all we have to do?

Offensive Coordinator: Pretty much. Give Freeman a little time and pick on the soft zone, mostly with Jordy. He won't need much time to get open.

Defensive Coordinator: I'll go next. Containing this offense is much easier than you'd think.

Head Coach: Huh? They looked damn good against Rice on the tape I just watched.

Defensive Coordinator: Coach?

Head Coach: What?

Defensive Coordinator: They haven't canned Greg Davis...

Head Coach: Ahhh...

Defensive Coordinator: So yeah. They got vertical in the passing game and used the young talent against the overmatched opponent, but as we all know: the toys go back in the box against real reams until Texas loses.

We'll look for the short stuff underneath on first down. Runs on second down. And defending any team on third and long is a pretty simple matter. Davis might bring the Chiles kid in for a handful of plays, but I'm certain they'll just run the same play each time.

Head Coach: And that's it?

Defensive Coordinator: Trust me.

Head Coach: I sure hope you're right. Okay, well, we're not done here. I want to win all three phases of this game.

Special Teams Coordinator: Uh, there's not much to say here. Those mediocre linebackers that the DC was talking about are on the special teams, as well. I'd bet dollars to donuts Jordy busts a long one and that animal Killebrew picks up a penalty. Just trust me on this one coach - we've got huge advantages in this phase of the game.

Head Coach: (Scratches head) I dunno, guys. You make it sound so simple. Like we're just gonna walk into their house and blow 'em out.

--PB--

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