54b's Commentary - Arkansas Redux/CU Preview

by 54b on Oct 3, 2008 1:35 AM CDT in Texas Longhorns Football

Were those really the same Arkansas Razorbacks that ruined the new millennium for me and turned DKR upside down in 2003? Was that really the same Ozarkian fan base that lives to remind Texas fans that it's possible to hate another state so unconditionally that one can persist on spite alone?

Seriously, after the Horns went up by a couple of touchdowns last Saturday on their way to a thorough 52-10 trouncing, I had to keep reminding myself that McCoy and the Longhorns were taking one of our fiercest rivals to school rather than taking advantage of a defenseless and offensively challenged team mired in a free-fall to obscurity.

Harsh words to be sure and no "sooner" do I write them than I cringe at the thought that we may be awaiting the same fate in the coming weeks against some very potent opponents. But for now I sit in wonder of the most lopsided win in the storied rivalry since 1916 and I'm reminded of the kind of sportsmanship the Razorbacks displayed the last time they delt the Longhorns a heartbreaking loss. So instead of taking the high road, I figure I'll just fight fire with gasoline and rekindle the Razorbacks fans hatred for us with...

The Top 10 Ways To Heckle A Hog When It's Down

10) Hey Arkansas, how does it feel to actually get your "Dick" knocked in the dirt?

9) Will your team be good again when pigs fly or when pigs complete a forward pass?

8) Wow, your offense is so bad, Will Muschamp didn't even make it on YouTube this time.

7) If pork is the other white meat, does that make Razorback the other white trash?

6) Do you find it ironic that the "SEC" won't bail you out of this mess?

5) Let's honor Beck's appearance at the ACL Music Fest by singing, "Soyyyy, un Patrino-Boar, I'm a loser-piggy, so why don't you grill me."

4) You've tried snapping the ball directly to your running back, have you tried snapping it directly to the Back Judge?

3) Is "Woo Pig Suey" really just Pig Latin for "Makin' Bacon?"

2) What's it like knowing you busted your Nutt for a coach who's perfected the art of speed dating?

And the #1 way to heckle a hog when its down...

1) Sorry Razorbacks, you're just not quite up to par with The Arkansas State University.

The Game

Not much more I can say about the Longhorns third straight blow-out at DKR other than before UT's next home game, I'd like to get T-shirts printed up that read...

Texas 52
(Your team name here) 10

Despite a lack of formidable opposition, I've got to admit this Texas team has been impressive and exceeded most Longhorns fans' preseason expectations. And I must admit that I found it somewhat comforting when two of our previous foes, Rice and UTEP, completely demolished North Texas and UCF last weekend even if those teams aren't much better. Still, I'm left wondering if the Horns are really that good, or if our non-con schedule was really just that bad? No doubt we'll start to find out the answer to that question at the...

Next Game

Ah yes, bring on the Big XII and right out of the gate, the Longhorns get a blind date with the Buffaloes in Boulder. CU was undefeated going into last weekend (including a win over a ranked West Virginia team) before dropping a sloppy one to a so-so Florida State team down in Jacksonville. So it's hard to tell just how much muscle Ralphie's packing these days. But despite the Seminole setback, a rash of injuries to the Buffs O-Line, and Coach Hawkins taking that whole "take your son to work day" thing a little too seriously, I've no doubt Folsom Field will be rocking this Saturday night. Hopefully the Horns can quiet the crowd by getting to Cody Hawkins early and exploiting a CU defense that has only been so-so against the run. But will it be enough to get a much needed win heading into back-to-back games with two Top 5 teams? Well, since we can't leave it up to the House of Representative to vote on this one, let's turn it over to the...

Unpredictable Prediction

Never fear, Longhorns fans, one of my friends used to be a handler for Bevo and he's always helped me out with all of my Longhorn prognostication and hooven-quadruped tranquilizer needs. Provided FedEx doesn't mind transporting some metabolic-grade Buffalo-nip to Boulder this weekend and I can borrow some organic peanut butter from the CU hippie faithful, it'll be night-night for Ralphie.

Texas 38
Rocky Mountain Oysters 27

Quoteworthy

I think Coach Hawkins did a pretty good job summing up how we all feel about the opening weekend of conference play when he said:

"It's Division 1 Football. It's the Big XII. It ain't intramurals."

Hook’em,
54b

Tweet Comment 12 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

I’m really disappointed the Buffs lost to the ‘Noles. They might’ve won that game if they’d stuck with what had been working in other games. I think this game will be a pretty solid win, although it’s obvious that CU has the potential, nay, tendency to pull off big upsets.

42-17 Texas, or 27-24 Colorado

by burntorangehorn on Oct 3, 2008 6:48 AM CDT reply actions

I believe

we’ve just witnessed history, ladies and gents, in seeing the phrase “hooven-quadruped tranquilizer needs” used for the first time in any language.

Bravo, cinco quatro uhh…beh.

But your prediction is disappointing because me-thinks you-thinks the Texas secondary will struggle. And we-thinks you are high.

It's Mean to Ween

by Bombilla on Oct 3, 2008 8:48 AM CDT reply actions

At least I got the Texas part right

Actually, I didn’t underestimate our secondary, I underestimated our D-Line…it was only after talking to some CU fans before the game that I learned that 3 of the Buffs starters were out (2 were lost in two-a-days) and one of their tackles was a converted tight-end.

Be nobody but yourself in a world that desperately wants you to be like everybody else.

by 54b on Oct 5, 2008 3:20 PM CDT up reply actions

Arkies

I went to Arkansas on vacation a couple of years back and found that the natives were quite friendly and altogether far more mellow than the UA fans we have come to despise. I even had Texas plates and a UT sticker on the back window, but was only harassed in a joking way. Roads were good and there was plenty to see. The Ozarks are quite beautiful and Hot Springs has a charming main street. Most of the folks there seem to be pretty far to the right politically, but there was respect for Bill Clinton and William Fullbright. I came back with some quartz rocks and a tie dye tshirt.

All I can figure is that the animus toward Texas breeds at UA in Fayetteville and dominates the fan base, but has not spread throughout the general population. Most seem a lot like Aggies.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. If they get mad, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes.

by Caradoc on Oct 3, 2008 9:14 AM CDT reply actions

Just tell us, we won't be mad...

Do you work for the Arkansas Tourism Council?

by ctex80 on Oct 3, 2008 9:38 AM CDT up reply actions

It seems charming on the ground

but stay out of the water.

by whills on Oct 3, 2008 10:01 AM CDT up reply actions

holy shinzo

"...think about it: why would they lie.?..if you're dead, you can't smoke."

by burntorangenance on Oct 3, 2008 12:53 PM CDT up reply actions

Fayetteville-College Station

comparison is a good one.

I’ve been to both cities many times and I always got the feeling (especially in CS-Bryan) that they had this “Us against the world” mentality, and that UT football brought out the very worst of that. Obviously, Austin and surrounding area care a great deal about UT football, but A&M football or Arkansas football in those home communities is bigger than life. It’s bigger than elections. It’s bigger than Christmas.

I was always uncomfortable with that view of things. Like you, I have found most of Arkansas to be friendly, level-headed and generally laid back.

by edsp on Oct 3, 2008 1:57 PM CDT up reply actions

I sat in the Arky section...

for the game last weekend. My brother and i fell into free tickets (we were planning on buying a couple off the street), so we decided what the hell. I was able to contain my tongue for most of the game, clapping and yelling but not taunting the inferior opponent. Then in the 4th quarter, up 52-3 and driving down the field, Chili fumbled the rock and Arkie scores their only TD. At which point i threw my hat in disgust and entered into a profanity laced tirade more appropriate for a tighter game. Needless to say, the looks i got from the dedicated hogs who stayed through the massacre were priceless.

by rchorns on Oct 3, 2008 10:11 AM CDT reply actions

Ruck Farkansas

I know, it doesn’t exactly fit but I had a stronger sentiment in mind, which I truly feel. My first Texas game I ever watched (albeit on tv) did not end up so well for Arkansas, and the Prez anointed us Nat’l Champs.

I will never forget Houston Nutt’s face and gestures in 2003. Maybe fans heckled him to the point of doing that, I don’t know. Watching it from my living room, I was quite disgusted with the lack of class he displayed.

Yes, Chiles fumble and Arkansas’s return for a TD pissed me off, not Royal-ly (pun intended), but pissed me off just the same.

by HalfmileHorn on Oct 3, 2008 10:36 AM CDT reply actions