First off, my sincere thanks to those of you who chimed in with suggestions for an off-season posting theme. And while the Federalist Papers and Jessica Alba are both worthy nominees, I feel quite confident that the best option is to steal from other bloggers with a BON version of “Stuff (blank) People Like.”
Hey, I used to think I was capable of original thought and then the Internet came along and convinced me to accept the fact that no matter how original I think I can be, somebody else has already thought of it and is already making money doing it.
So now the big question is what kind of “people” shall we roast. Sure, we could go after Sooners and Aggies, but they’re low hanging Fruitloops if you ask me. No, I’ve always subscribed to the theory that you can’t truly make fun of other people unless you can make fun of yourself first. After all, isn’t self-deprecating humor the best kind when you’re trying to endear yourself to strangers, score with the ladies, and win rap battles in Detroit ghettos. Besides, if we don't do this, somebody else who doesn't share Buzz Bissinger's code of journalistic ethics will.
Anyway, from now until football season returns (8/30/08), I’ve made it my mission to include at least one thing in every story, diary, and comment I post about...
STUFF BURNT ORANGE PEOPLE LIKE
A few examples to get us kicked off:
Cutter & Buck Shirts – When Mack Brown said “Come Early, Be Loud, Stay Late and wear burnt orange,” he wasn’t encouraging fan participation, he was encouraging capitalism. After all, you can’t wear something burnt orange unless you buy something burnt orange. And you wouldn't represent the richest university in the land adorned in a crappy $10 T-shirt featuring Calvin and Hobbs urinating on a defenseless mascot from another school would you? Heck no, Longhorns fans wouldn’t stoop that low to festoon our pricey paraphernalia with the Big XII hoi-polloi. Becuase at Texas, what starts here eventually prepares our young people for the real world where they’ll undoubtedly be conscripted into one of many corporate logo embroidered polo-wearing sales forces. Anyway, if you’re not accessorizing with name brand burnt orange, you’re just a poser with a Pell Grant.
Hot Girls Who Don’t Know They’re Hot Because They Go To UT – It’s a well known fact that the University of Texas has more hot women per Kappa-ta than just about any other school in the country. These girls have really raised the bar if you know what I mean. And best of all, it’s only after about their third year in school that they finally realize they could have been on a Hot Chick Scholarship at some pasty white troll academy back east instead of being mere luke warm walk-ons at UT. You see at Texas, you’re not considered hot unless you are smoking hot, which is cool because that means even the dorks at UT have a chance at scoring some quality strange.
Matthew McConaughey – No self-respecting Longhorns fan will admit that they like seeing a sleeveless, deodorant-free Wooderson stinking up the sidelines at DKR on Saturdays, but guess what, they do. Hey man, it’s cool having a celebrity alumnus who stars in movies about an ex-frat rat who gets lucky every time he bares his chest, squints his eyes, and says, "all right, all right, all right." Admit it or not, every woman wants him and every Longhorn male secretly wishes to be him (or learn how to play the bongos like him anyway). And like it or not, McConaughey has become our unofficial spokesfan. So don't you think it's time we listened to the man when he says, "Hey Texas, let's get high together." It'd be a lot cooler if you did.
Anyway, that’s the kind of crap I plan on including in all my posts and don’t worry, I got plenty of Stuff Burnt Orange People Like left...chaps, flasks, cannons, elitism, Mexican wedding shirts, Cleveland Steamers...you get the point.
Have a good weekend BONers and a happy off-season.
PS. Feel free to come up with some of your own Stuff Burnt Orange People Like. PB, maybe we could start a running list somewhere in this 2.0 jungle...I swear, I don't know my ass from my elbow on this new confounded site...