... than you can think about blinking your eye. That’s why the Titans took it so high and surprised a lot of people in the 4 billion BC draft. Sadly, they learned of their mistake the first time they tried to make it run any route that wasn’t an ellipse centered around its barycenter with the Sun. At first it didn’t seem too bad, as its gravitational field served as the best hands in the league, sucking in passes so well that Cave-Fisher-GRUG-GRUG actually considered moving it to defense. Its success was short-lived, however, as three games into its rookie season the PFL (Planetary…) decided that, since Mercury had no knees, it would be deemed down-by-contact any time a defender touched it. This turned the young star’s (ha!) biggest advantage, it’s gravitational pass-catchery, into, literally, a tackler-magnet. Mercury’s season ended after the next game, and you can see for yourself why. Collisions with near Moon-sized defenders have left Mercury scarred, but they haven’t crushed its spirit – still swinging round and round the Sun, trying in determined silence to run just one freakin’ fly route.