Time to Straighten Out My Poll

Agony-of-defeat_medium

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hurt your feelings?

BONer jokes aside, I've got just enough time tonight to completely screw up my running attempt at learning how to put together a Top 25 for this week.  Click ahead, I promise there are no more bad jokes.


Time to Improvozize

The Inaugural Horn Brain Poll of Unlimited Vagary and Speculation

Rank Horn Brain's Picks Why I Hope Not to be Ridiculed

1

USC

Oh God, I've got West Coast

Bias-itis.

2 Florida

Started slower, but beat Hawaii

just as bad as Georgia last year.

3 Oklahoma

Can't beat a 1-AA team and get

into my INCG (Imaginary).
4 LSU They'll go back down, just wait.
5 Georgia Quit getting hurt!
6 Texas

Showed that some offseason

questions could be answered

with a "YES!"

7 Ohio State If Wells is ok, you'll go back up.
8 Missouri

Mizzou fans wish they had our

old defense.

9 Auburn
Solid, like your ranking.
10 West Virginia

Too much of Pat White's arm,

not enough defense.

11 Alabama Most impressive win thus far.
12 Wisconsin Please lose to Fresno.  Please.
13 Fresno State

Beating Rutgers means more

than it has in the past.

14 Brigham Young

Imagine if you let them have a

cup of coffee...

15 South Florida Grothe's still all you've got.
16 Kansas

We know nutzink.  Have some

schnitzel.

17 Utah

I'm basing this on Michigan's

defense supposedly being ok.

18 Oklahoma State

Why , despite being a man and

all that, does Mike Gundy look

like a 6th grader?

19 Wake Forest Ok, I'll bite.  Whatcha got?
20 Texas Tech Ar Defens isu nstopabil!
21 Penn State Well... That was different.
22 Oregon

You can't get your QB killed

against Nobody State.

23 Illinois

If Juice can throw like that, losing

Mendenhall won't seem so bad.

24 UCLA

Style points, but I'm having a hard

time overlooking the hippy with

the headset.

25 East Carolina

This one's for giving Beamer

the Beam.

This week's lesson:

Don't expect coaches to change, unless they're Mack Brown (thank God). The media and I bought into the talent advantage that Clemson and Pitt were supposed to have, forgetting something that I regularly gripe about when discussing the Longhorns:  All the talent in the world does you no good if you don't teach them how to play the game of football.  When your only touchdown comes from your best player on a kickoff return, you know that you've been outcoached.  When you get beaten by Bowling Green, well, you send your agent a flower basket for not letting you sign that contract without the guaranteed cash clause.  At this point, we're still too early in the season for this poll to mean a thing, which as BZ pointed out, is a threat to the Constitution and the Independence of our sovereign Right to Declaration of Emancipation.

Whatever.  It's not like I'm dropping bombs on your battleships, people.  I'm just trying to bias your thinking with a narrative that's easier to write about than what's actually going on.  It's not like anyone ever got hurt by that.

As always, if you convince me to move someone around, I'll do it.

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