(Yes, I edited the Headline to correct the typo. Have at it.)
Below is the text of an email I sent to Pat Forde this am.
The fact you get paid to write is incredibly comical. After reading your column this week on Alabama and comparing it to last week’s pile of dung on Texas (and I only use that childish metaphor because that is the metaphor your column began with last week), I will never waste my time reading another word you write. I am also canceling my subscription to ESPN magazine, just in the off chance I come across your byline. The moment I see your talking head on my television, I will fast forward right through it.
Your SEC bias is blatantly obvious and the result is lazy, uninspired analysis, ossifying in my mind why blogs are usually a much better bet to find cogent commentary. The fact that you pull a check spewing your nonsense is mind-numbing to me.
Let’s break down the two columns heretofore mentioned.
OU and Texas beat each other senseless for 60 minutes. Both Venables and Muschamp prepared stellar defensive game plans and each defensive unit executed those plans extremely well. With the intensity of a rival game, both offenses struggled to counter those excellent game plans. The young men from both Texas and OU engaged in basically a back-alley bar brawl, one of the most ferociously physical games in the 100+ game series.
But that’s not the way you saw it. You focused your lead on a cow taking a dump and compared the game to that.
It was bovine poetry in motion. It was an apt metaphor for this game.
What amazing writing, Pat. Adam Gopnik, Malcolm Gladwell, Seymour Hersch, Calvin Trillion and (the hundreds of) other great American writers must be looking over their shoulder terrified at you supplanting them as the best essayists in America.
Instead of basing your analysis on what actually happened, you preferred to speculate.
This much seems clear: No. 20 Oklahoma would have won Saturday with Bradford playing the full 60 minutes.
It (OU) has now lost three games by a total of five points and can only wonder what this season would have been like with the 2008 Heisman Trophy winner (and All-America tight end Jermaine Gresham) healthy.
Hhhhmmm. Maybe you prefer speculating to actually commenting on facts because you refused to look at facts at the beginning of the season. As an "expert" (I guffaw when I read you described as such) you picked OU to win the Big 12 despite having to replace 4 of 5 linemen (and considering Trent Williams was moving from right to left tackle, OU was basically replacing 5 of 5 linemen). Any "expert" knows (as did the other 7 at the beginning of the season) that you don’t replace an entire offensive line and go undefeated. Colt McCoy’s sophomore drop-off was caused SOLELY by a new offensive line not giving him time to throw. Before the season I told every college football fan I knew that Bradford would be running for his life this year, much like Colt was his sophomore year. As it turns out, Sam will not be running for his life because, unfortunately, an inexperienced line led to his season-ending injury.
Does Pat mention any of that? Nope he just speculates that if Grandmother had wheels, she would be a bicycle. You are right, Pat. Amazing insight. Never mind that Grandmother will never have wheels.
And never mind that Texas won a brutally physical, prize-fight of a game. They didn’t win with "style".
If this was a statement game for the nation's No. 3 team, Texas didn't state much of a case.
And this week’s column? Is this logic used for Alabama? Does Forde point out that Alabama’s performance was worthy of a pile-of-pooh metaphor? Of course not. Somehow you focus on Cody deserving to be carved into Alabama’s Mount Rushmore. And instead of analyzing facts you outright lie.
Alabama led 12-10 but was on the verge of losing everything -- a game it had controlled, a season it had dominated, a national championship it coveted.
"A game it had controlled"? Are you referring to the 6 plays the Alabama offense ran in the third quarter? Or was it the 9 minutes of time of possession Alabama had in the second half? Or was it the 84 yards of total offense Alabama produced in the second half? Or was it the 265 yards the Alabama defense gave up Jonathon Crompton? (Jonathon Crompton, for Chrissakes!!) Or was it McElroy’s impressive 120 yards passing, an average of 4 yards per attempt. Or was it the fact Alabama could not score a single touchdown in this game? Or was it the fact that Cody had to block another field goal and Lincoln missed another earlier field goal, any of which would have been the difference in the game
These "game-controlling" stats are FACTS, Pat; facts are not something you really concern yourself with, but I needed to point them out anyway. This "game-controlling" effort came from Alabama in a game played AT HOME against a team who lost AT HOME to UCLA. If ever was needed the metaphor of a large pile of elephant EXCREMENT to describe a game, this would qualify. But not you. Someone reading your column would think this was a game for the ages.
And when a fan makes the obvious point that this game was a cesspool and Alabama’s offense mightily stunk it up, you cannot look past your Saban man-crush to agree.
One Alabama fan with a 1980s perm came up to me shortly after the game -- not to rejoice in Cody's block, but to rip Saban for the goal-line sequence.
Instead of acknowledging how the facts of the game support that fan’s analysis, you make fun of his appearance and give this amazing response:
And now you know why Saban makes $4 million a year -- to put up with fans like that.
And now you know that you are exposed for the fraud you are. Sit in that Podunk town in Kentucky and continue to run Party propaganda for the Soviet Eastern Conference. Continue to steal by substituting cogent analysis with coach crushes. (Perhaps if you actually pulled away from a coach’s jock for a few minutes, you could actually let facts drive your writing. How ridiculous was your man-crush on Rick Pitino after his Art of Success-inspired behavior was brought to light around the same time your love letter was delivered?)
I will never read another word you write and I will encourage as many others as I know to do the same thing.