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Aggie Week: Let's hear your favorite Aggie joke.

Since the Aggies are on the menu this week, let's share your favorite Aggie themed jokes. I'll start it off.


Star-divide

A Longhorn walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, I know a great Aggie joke. You want to hear it?" The bartender says, "Well, before you tell it I should probably tell you that I went to A&M. And you see those two big guys sitting next to you -- they were linebackers for the A&M football team. And those two guys on your other side -- they're Marines, and they used to be in the Corps of Cadets at A&M. Now, are you sure you really want to tell that Aggie joke?"
"Hell no!" the man responds. "I don't want to have to explain it five times!"

All comments, FanPosts, and FanShots are the views of the reader-authors who create them.

Comment 160 comments  |  5 recs  | 

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What's the difference between an Aggie and a carp?

One’s a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other’s a fish.

by ajax77777 on Nov 22, 2009 11:51 PM CST reply actions  

My favorite:

 An Aggie had just completed his studies and was awarded a BS Degree in mechanical engineering. He was immediately hired by the Texas highway department.
      His job was to paint the yellow stripe down the middle of the highway. After three days, his boss called him in and advised him that he was no longer needed.
      When the Aggie inquired as to the reason for his dismissal, the boss replied, “On your first day here, you painted three miles of stripe, which is good. On your second day, you painted two miles; not as good, but still acceptable. Today, you only painted one mile. This is too far below our standards.”
      The Aggie accepted the explanation, saying on his way out the door, “Well, alright, but I want you to know, it wasn’t my fault. The paint can is so darn far away.”

by jimjar on Nov 22, 2009 11:53 PM CST reply actions  

Did you hear about the skeleton they found in an aggie dorm?

1955 Hide and Seek champion.

The swine flu takes a Will Muschamp shot every September.

by pleaseplaykindle on Nov 23, 2009 12:08 AM CST reply actions   1 recs

An Aggie

is walking through a pasture when he sees a large brown lump on the ground about 50 yards away. “That looks like a cowpie, but I can’t quite tell.” He continues walking toward it. At about 10 yards, he stops and thinks, “Wow, I’m almost certain that’s a cowpie.” He walks right up to it, bends down, gingerly touches it and licks his finger. “Yuck! It is a cowpie!”

“Thank God I didn’t step in it.”

by bevogaucho on Nov 23, 2009 5:47 AM CST reply actions  

Bill Byrne

decided to switch next year from natural grass to Artificial turf to keep the Aggie Cheerleaders from grazing. Not really a joke, but more of a statement of fact.

Get off your knees Greg, you're blowin' the game.

by kriess on Nov 23, 2009 6:09 AM CST reply actions  

Ah...

I messed up. Its the coeds, not the Cheerleaders. Joke FAIL.

Get off your knees Greg, you're blowin' the game.

by kriess on Nov 23, 2009 10:33 AM CST up reply actions  

my gf’s mom went to A&M, i’ma tell her this joke on Thanksgiving

by Displaced Longhorn on Nov 23, 2009 12:16 PM CST up reply actions  

prolly not the best idea

but good luck buddy

Get off your knees Greg, you're blowin' the game.

by kriess on Nov 23, 2009 12:20 PM CST up reply actions  

Haha, nice

Although that one is probably better served for Oklahoma.

by jc25 on Nov 23, 2009 11:34 AM CST up reply actions  

My favorite Aggie joke ever.

Though I usually tell it with a Red Raider and a taco… haha.

"Either we need to re-calibrate our rectangle, or Alfonzo Marquez is not having a good night." - Josh Lewin

by utlonghorn24 on Nov 23, 2009 11:32 AM CST up reply actions  

aggie graduation?

An aggie was finally on course to graduate from A&M—the first ever. Unfortunately, he failed his finals. However, since no one had ever graduated before, the university decided to give aggie one last shot. They gathered all faculty, staff, and students at Kyle Field and set aggie down at center field. P.A.: "Ok aggie, you get one question. If you get it right, you graduate. What’s 2 + 3?" Aggie pounds his head, clearly putting much thought into this question. The crowd is going nuts. Finally, aggie’s head comes up, the crowd quiets to a murmur, and he responds: "5?" After a short period of silence, the entire crowd begins to chant: "Give’m another chance! Give’m another chance!"

Hook'em!!

by ArcticLonghorn on Nov 23, 2009 8:22 AM CST reply actions  

Did you hear about the aggie who won a gold medal in the Olympics?

He liked it so much he had it bronzed!

Big Bill "You never lose a game if the opponent doesn't score." Darell K. Royal

by Hook em Titans on Nov 23, 2009 9:46 AM CST reply actions   1 recs

kinda dangerous there...

shouldn’t they have another one to watch for the cars from the other direction?

by Pflash on Nov 23, 2009 7:32 PM CST up reply actions  

BIG Aglet joke

A Longhorn walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he wants. He says he doesn’t want anything, but asks the bartender if he wants to hear an Aggie joke.

The bartender says, “See that man to your left. He is 6’5 and 300 lbs. See that man to your right. He is 6’3 and 280 lbs. I am 6’4 and 275 lbs. You know what we all have in common. We’re all Aggies. So do you still want to tell that joke?”

The Longhorn says, “No I guess not. I would not want to have to explain it three dang times.”
 

by texascfo on Nov 23, 2009 11:00 AM CST reply actions  

didn't read the post I guess.

Just jumped right in. Thats OK. Thats my favorite one anyway.

"A lot of people look for the easy way to do anything, in swimming there is no easy way." - Eddie Reese

by SwimTexas on Nov 23, 2009 11:09 AM CST up reply actions  

Aggie and the Professor

An Aggie comes across a professor who is staring intently into a fish tank. The Aggie says, “Professor, what are you doing?”

The professor answers, “I’m attempting mental telepathy with this fish. You see, if my mind is stronger than theirs, I can control their thoughts. How about you try it!”

The Aggie, confident of his ability to successfully control the fish, stares into the tank for a few seconds. Then, all of the sudden, his eyes start bugging and his mouth makes a little ‘o’ shape like he’s pushing water through his gills.

by Kasper-pA- on Nov 23, 2009 11:12 AM CST reply actions  

The difference between a Maggie and Bigfoot?

One stands on average 7ft. tall, has long matted hair covering its body, and can be smelled up to a half-mile away……the other has big feet.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidexterous.

by ClassofEarl on Nov 23, 2009 11:55 AM CST reply actions  

usually...

when you’re making fun of someone, you should probably know how to spell…

by texaschief on Nov 24, 2009 8:09 AM CST up reply actions  

my lord they have lost it......

" Answers -- Become Resources."
Without Questions; There are limited Resources...

by KWashburn on Nov 24, 2009 6:20 AM CST up reply actions  

There is one post, ninth from the bottom.

It’s empty, indicative of aggies even when they have something to say.

by Xerxes on Nov 24, 2009 8:52 AM CST up reply actions  

So, just to clarify

you are saying A&M spends hours practicing synchronized nut grabbing?

by billb on Nov 24, 2009 10:10 AM CST up reply actions  

OK, you're really a Longhorn, right?

Pretending to be a stupid Aggie? As much as we make fun of them, they’re not really this bad. Are they? For real…

by GoHorns on Nov 24, 2009 10:10 AM CST up reply actions  

Wow, I guess I was wrong

Aggies really are that dumb. Thanks for the confirmation!

by GoHorns on Nov 24, 2009 10:29 AM CST up reply actions  

guys

YUMC is clearly not an aggie. He is either one of us, that is just hilarious, or he is a 10 year old kid with an internet connection and lots of free time. there is no way this person is in, or has been in college.

"I don't care if I have to run100 times or pass it 100 times...Whatever it takes to win is all that matters to me" -VY

by 2100 San Jac on Nov 25, 2009 11:22 AM CST up reply actions  

Wait

so you are implying there is a difference in intellect between an A&M graduate and 10 year old kid with an internet connection?

by billb on Nov 25, 2009 11:28 AM CST up reply actions  

Hours of practice?

Geez, no wonder the academics are so lacking. This is how you spend your time in college station?!?!

Watch out, I bite.

by EddieTheAlbinoSquirrel on Nov 24, 2009 10:12 AM CST up reply actions  

this nation's greatest traditions???

Seriously you actually believe that synchronized yelling is one of this nation’s GREATEST traditions?? This nation’s? The nation of the United States of America?

Jeezus Franklin Christ! You guys are seriously demented if you can truly believe your traditions mean more than a pile of steaming crap outside of College Station.

Venture out into the world for a bit and learn something about reality. Good grief!

by UT92 on Nov 24, 2009 11:11 PM CST up reply actions  

Zing!!

" Answers -- Become Resources."
Without Questions; There are limited Resources...

by KWashburn on Nov 24, 2009 6:21 AM CST up reply actions  

Jerrod might actually be the “Real” McCoy come game day.

by YUMC on Nov 24, 2009 9:48 AM CST up reply actions  

Hook 'em

This isn’t a joke but good. I heard this on a sports talk radio show a while back. They were discussing A&M and about their recruiting. One of the guys mentioned the fact that the Aggies don’t use female cheerleaders as a reason why can’t get better recruits. Why would good football players want to play for A&M when they look over at the cheerleaders during the game and all they see are white men in funny looking uniforms calling the chants. It;s hard to get up for the game if you don’t have some nice cheerleaders to look at.

by Ryan2907 on Nov 23, 2009 12:43 PM CST reply actions  

I recommend everyone go check out the

Why do people here hate aTm so much? thread on the rivals main message board…

Pretty funny

JD’s like, "you want some fucking pitching? Here’s all the pitching you can stand. Now choke on it, bitches!"- RCCook

by laxtonto on Nov 23, 2009 1:04 PM CST reply actions  

The Long Horn Joke

Why do Longhorn and Tech fans hate Aggies? Because Aggies will have beaten them both in 2009.

Why do Longhorns hate Aggies? Because Aggies have a cool logo and the Longhorn logo looks like a female genital.

by jef on Nov 23, 2009 2:28 PM CST reply actions  

Anyone need further proof of why we have this thread? nt

"Either we need to re-calibrate our rectangle, or Alfonzo Marquez is not having a good night." - Josh Lewin

by utlonghorn24 on Nov 23, 2009 2:32 PM CST up reply actions  

it does? Really?

Get off your knees Greg, you're blowin' the game.

by kriess on Nov 23, 2009 2:36 PM CST up reply actions  

Jef, I don't get it.

When you say “female genital” are you referring to an actual woman’s genitals or a sheep’s? Never can tell with you guys, you gotta specify.

"Stats are for losers, I like winning games."

by SuperBentley on Nov 23, 2009 2:40 PM CST up reply actions  

Why does Taylor Potts hate Sergio Kindle?

Because Sergio beheaded him.

"Stats are for losers, I like winning games."

by SuperBentley on Nov 23, 2009 3:21 PM CST up reply actions  

Female genitals have ears?

I've been fuelin' my dreams eatin' greens and beans.

by 16thLonghorn on Nov 24, 2009 11:34 AM CST up reply actions  

He may have a point with the genital thing...

you can come across some crazy stuff in medicine. One awesomely disgusting thing is “prolapsed uterus.” Google images without filter.

This is the only way that a uterus will be seen in female genitalia. Other than that, you are seriously misinformed. Or you like to see what baby lambs look like in utero. Don’t forget your canary or lamp.

by divinebovine on Nov 25, 2009 1:47 AM CST up reply actions  

isn't that just like an Aggie to tell a joke like my brother did when he was 4 yrs old?

why did the car drive fast?

because the cuckoo clock said so..

brilliant, Aggie..Brilliant

by BigGameBobLOL on Nov 28, 2009 12:11 AM CST up reply actions  

I am Saving my joke

I am saving my joke for after then game when we beat y’all next saturday

by YUMC on Nov 23, 2009 2:52 PM CST reply actions   1 recs

You probably better tell us now.

I don’t like like your chances for Saturday.

by tblog123 on Nov 23, 2009 4:46 PM CST up reply actions  

Ahem. I don’t like your chances for Thursday either.

by tblog123 on Nov 23, 2009 4:49 PM CST up reply actions  

Thread over.

We have a winner. Aggies are awesome.

I’ll be rooting for y’all on Saturday, too.

by Meekrob on Nov 23, 2009 4:49 PM CST up reply actions  

Thursday, everybody.

by tblog123 on Nov 23, 2009 4:50 PM CST up reply actions  

We all get it

Which is why it’s funny.

by GoHorns on Nov 23, 2009 5:10 PM CST up reply actions  

is it an equestrian event on Saturday?

I know dollar bill really likes to see those ladies straddling those horses… Maybe it has just finally sunk down to th rest of the Aggies

JD’s like, "you want some fucking pitching? Here’s all the pitching you can stand. Now choke on it, bitches!"- RCCook

by laxtonto on Nov 23, 2009 5:07 PM CST up reply actions  

Sometimes the jokes write themselves

"I live in the tower with Coach Brown." -Bevo

by run Bevo run on Nov 23, 2009 5:19 PM CST up reply actions  

Is this classy?

Also, is this classy to make fun of your biggest ever rival in history? If i were you I would show more respect. When you come to College Station you will find how we treat our opponents. Everybody will welcome you, nobody will talk trash and when you lose and leave nobody would say rude things to you. That’s how classy fans behave. Tha’ts why we are aggies

by YUMC on Nov 23, 2009 2:55 PM CST reply actions  

Really?

During my visits to Collie Station, I have had my car keyed, my dog killed then eaten and been mugged at an ATM machine and then branded with an A&M logo.

Seriously, visitors to Kyle Field have been beaten (including female cheerleaders), been threatened with sabers, been threatened with cannons. I’ve also witnessed aggies horse laughs at UT students performing at a boy scouts reception. They celebrate injuries of their opponents. They’ve been known to poison opponents and cheapshot opponents.

They’re one of the most penalized athletic programs in the country. They’ve rarely had success in football outside of the years cited for cheating.

They’ve started riots with Tech, Rice, Baylor & Texas. All incidents where A&M was the aggressors after suffering apparent insults.

Gig’em comes from referring to TCU Horned Frogs as Giggers.

They yelled BTHOTU right after the Longhorn band’s tribute to the victims of the bonfire collapse.

by Eskimohorn on Nov 23, 2009 3:08 PM CST up reply actions  

Well I am sorry if you play with fire, expect to be burned. If you are nice with us, we will be nice to you. That’s what rivalry is all about. I am actually surprised to hear this from you, from what I have seen Aggie fans are the most well behaved fans. A claim that tu fans obviously cannot make and you cannot control because majority of your fan base are not college educated, they are your fans beacause Wal-mart stacks a larger quantity of horns shirts and sell them at a discount.

by YUMC on Nov 23, 2009 3:51 PM CST up reply actions  

Why doesn’t Walmart stock more A&M gear?

by tblog123 on Nov 23, 2009 5:56 PM CST up reply actions  

aggie douche,

No one cares if you are nice or rude to us. Everyone knows that it is just penis envy. I love that you are forced to write on BON because no one reads the Aggie blog. Nothing beats reading stupid comments from stupid fans from terrible schools. You are a joke. We all laugh at you the week we play you, then we go back to never thinking about you. Enjoy the attention while it lasts.

"It's comin' home to Texas. It's comin' home all the way back to Awwwstin, Texas, baby!" -VY

by 2100 San Jac on Nov 23, 2009 8:21 PM CST up reply actions  

Majority of our fanbase

We’re Texas. Texans are our fanbase. We have the most alums. We sell the most tickets. We sell the most merchandise. And, since aggies pay licensing fees for the sawed off horns, you support UT as well. Thank you.

Who says we don’t have hospitality. Now, if you could quit beating up women, flinging poop, cattle-calling, cheating and cheapshotting, perhaps we could say the same for aggies.

by Eskimohorn on Nov 24, 2009 9:07 AM CST up reply actions  

Really, dude?

Play with fire and expect to be burned? So much for whatever high-minded view you have of your institution being a shining beacon of goodwill, morality and class. Additionally, I like how you speak of class and respect and still refer to us as “tu.” That’ll get you taken seriously. Besides, I don’t think you’re in any position to talk about fires. Our goodwill over that is running to a close, even with the inane hilarity you’re posting here.

Every time I feel down and depressed, I think of seven simple words by a true wise man, Matt Leinart: "I still think we're the better team" and I usually end up hurting myself by laughing so hard.

by SurferHorn257 on Nov 25, 2009 12:14 AM CST up reply actions  

nope.

that’s somewhere we don’t go on this blog, and that’s somewhere we don’t go period as Longhorns (and moreover, Texans). I will always remember my neighbors in Katy who lost their son.

You do realize that this year marks the tenth anniversary of the collapse?

and that Longhorn Student/UT EMS, and Texas A&M ECT/EMS still send EMT/paramedic teams every year to the home team’s stadium after our starting that tradition 10 years ago?

I don’t mean to lecture, but you’re overdoing it on this one.

by The Mack Attack on Nov 25, 2009 3:43 AM CST up reply actions  

My apologies

I crossed the line on that one. I was not trying to demean or make light of a tragedy. Aggie fans, Longhorn fans, please forgive me for that comment; it was said without any forethought and I do not wish to be hypocritical speaking about class. Again, my apologies.

Every time I feel down and depressed, I think of seven simple words by a true wise man, Matt Leinart: "I still think we're the better team" and I usually end up hurting myself by laughing so hard.

by SurferHorn257 on Nov 25, 2009 11:20 AM CST up reply actions  

after then (sic) game when we beat y’all next saturday

Um, don’t hold your breath. By the time Saturday rolls around, you will have missed us whooping a little Aggie ass.

And, you must be referring to these same Aggie fans who wish to hurt Colt , or make fun of him, or the list goes on and on.

by GoHorns on Nov 23, 2009 3:39 PM CST up reply actions  

biggest rival

hahaha… classic.

"It's comin' home to Texas. It's comin' home all the way back to Awwwstin, Texas, baby!" -VY

by 2100 San Jac on Nov 23, 2009 8:30 PM CST up reply actions   1 recs

I love all the jokes, but as a wise Longhorn once said:

.
“Why tell aggy jokes when there is so much aggy proof?”

Poster Child of Aggy Delusion

This week is not long enough to air all of the available material.

by horndude on Nov 23, 2009 6:33 PM CST reply actions  

Bunch of Jokers!!

And do you know what those people that crack jokes are called? Jokers!! That’s what all long horn fans are jokers!! LOL!!

Better keep some cash ready or else Notre Dame will steal Mac

by YUMC on Nov 23, 2009 7:36 PM CST up reply actions  

True. The thread is better with YUMC.

I’ve been wondering, what is he going to write if UT just blows out A&M? Say, for example, the final score is about like last week’s KU game (Note: KU blasted A&M).

by tblog123 on Nov 23, 2009 8:54 PM CST up reply actions  

I foresee...

myself linking a future conversation back to this conversation as I am sure he will claim that the refs blew the game, or that we were cheating somehow. It will be a blowout, but as usual, there will be no reasoning with him. I will just reply with a link to this prediction when I see it, and hopefully he will realize (though, I wouldn’t ever expect him to admit) that he is a big tool who is just a troll, and that he and his favorite team are both trash.

"It's comin' home to Texas. It's comin' home all the way back to Awwwstin, Texas, baby!" -VY

by 2100 San Jac on Nov 23, 2009 9:05 PM CST up reply actions  

Probably right.

Although after that Colorado loss, I think he actually felt bad.

Like, somehow, he realized that A&M isn’t a great team this year.

by tblog123 on Nov 23, 2009 9:12 PM CST up reply actions  

Is this supposed to be scary?

“Better keep some cash ready or else Notre Dame will steal Mac”

If that did happen, we’d just have Head Coach Boom and we’d almost surely be rid of Greg Davis (I’m assuming he doesn’t have blackmail pictures of Muschamp like he must have of Mack). Just think of it this way, Davis is as boring an OC as Sherman was with the Texans, but luckily Davis can only screw up our offense. With him gone the offense might actually start using more of it’s talent than the aggies use of their brain power, which is to say at least some.

by tdwalsh on Nov 24, 2009 12:08 AM CST up reply actions  

End of Ned Beatty's career as far as I'm concerned.......

" Answers -- Become Resources."
Without Questions; There are limited Resources...

by KWashburn on Nov 24, 2009 9:40 AM CST up reply actions  

fiacolet is an anagram for aggiefish.

"We don't freestyle Texas Fight, big boy." - Coach Brown

by TXStampede on Nov 26, 2009 2:11 PM CST up reply actions  

how do they punish aggies who get caught having sex with sheep?
make them stand for the entire football game

how do you know if an aggie’s broken into your house?
there’s jizz in your ugg boots

by greenman on Nov 23, 2009 9:26 PM CST reply actions  

Who's the Real Mccoy?

A lot of knowledgeable football enthusiasts here in College Station ( I mean people who have witnessed a number of A&M triumphs) believe that this team has a fantastic future. Sherman is one of the smartest coaches we have had (Slocum was ofcourse the greatest). People here like our chances this week. Infact many of us think that “Jerrod Johnson” is the “Real” McCoy. Jerrod would be in Heisman conversation by now if we didn’t lose those 3 games against OU, KSU and Arkies by blowouts.

Experts here have noticed some weaknesses with the tu defense, which we think we can exploit very well with arguably the best RB duo in the country and our defense will do just enough to bottle up tu’s offense, just as we did against Baylor.

All in all the biggest game of the season for both teams will turn out to be a thriller, with perhaps a slight edge towards A&M because of our momentum, Kyle Fields, our Cadets and our incredible fans who will pour in from every corner of the country.

by YUMC on Nov 24, 2009 9:58 AM CST reply actions  

Yeah, it's just the same
our defense will do just enough to bottle up tu’s offense, just as we did against Baylor.

The Baylor offense = The Longhorn offense. Uh, sure.

This is so freakin’ hilarious. My favorite part is about the Cadets being a game-changer. Thanks for the comedy!

Watch out, I bite.

by EddieTheAlbinoSquirrel on Nov 24, 2009 10:10 AM CST up reply actions  

Comparison, just for kicks

Slocum’s a&m coaching record
14 years 123-47-2

Brown’s Texas coaching record
12 years 126-26

"I live in the tower with Coach Brown." -Bevo

by run Bevo run on Nov 24, 2009 10:58 AM CST up reply actions  

Then why...

did you morons run RC off? You Ags been lost in the football wilderness since that day.

by nvrfrgt63 on Nov 29, 2009 8:02 AM CST up reply actions  

Is the game even a sell out yet?

As of Sunday I think they still had tickets to sell to the public.

Sad little man.

We're Texas...and you're NOT

by Bevoboy94 on Nov 24, 2009 11:02 AM CST up reply actions  

Weaknesses with the Texas Defense?

Please expand on this.

"Stats are for losers, I like winning games."

by SuperBentley on Nov 24, 2009 11:10 AM CST up reply actions  

Define "experts here" please......

" Answers -- Become Resources."
Without Questions; There are limited Resources...

by KWashburn on Nov 24, 2009 11:14 AM CST up reply actions  

i can has original thought?
Infact many of us think that "Jerrod Johnson" is the "Real" McCoy. Jerrod would be in Heisman conversation by now if we didn’t lose those 3 games against OU, KSU and Arkies by blowouts.

If by “many of us” you mean every Aggie that read Tim Griffin’s article that dimecoverage linked to this morning?

Sure, if the game this week was one-on-one, Johnson would have a fair shot at an upset. His stats are in the same neighborhood as Colt (if you toss out completion percentage.)

But if we’re judging Heisman only on stats, Max Hall and Ryan Mallett would be in the discussion far sooner than Colt, Tebow, or Johnson. Your boy doesn’t crack the top 50 in completion percentage, yards/att, or fewest interceptions. His passer rating puts him just inside at 43rd.

…which we think we can exploit very well with arguably the best RB duo in the country…

The Rodgers Brothers would like to have a word with you.

"If you kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care."

by SunriseStudly on Nov 24, 2009 11:17 AM CST up reply actions  

James Rodgers is a WR

But I’d take a number of other duos ahead of anything involving Gray. Michael is a stud, and could cause headaches at some point, but I don’t think the pair of them would be the best in the conference, let alone the country.

by burntorangehorn on Nov 24, 2009 12:14 PM CST up reply actions  

My bad.

"If you kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care."

by SunriseStudly on Nov 24, 2009 12:56 PM CST up reply actions  

James would probably stick up for his brother,

so I wouldn’t say that the Rodgers brothers wouldn’t have anything to say about it. haha.

"I don't care if I have to run100 times or pass it 100 times...Whatever it takes to win is all that matters to me" -VY

by 2100 San Jac on Nov 24, 2009 4:05 PM CST up reply actions  

Ha ha

Jacquizz totally counts as two, right? (He has almost as many yards as aTm’s two leading rushers combined.)

"If you kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care."

by SunriseStudly on Nov 24, 2009 4:14 PM CST up reply actions  

Hope springs eternal

I’d just recommend getting out a little more, if Cyrus Gray amounts to half of the best RB duo in the country.

by burntorangehorn on Nov 24, 2009 12:09 PM CST up reply actions  

Aggie Hospitality

I got called Al Queda by an Aggie lol. But to Aggie’s defense..alot of other Aggie fans ganged up on him and told him to shut up. I just thought it was funny, because its the wrong race and the country where i am from has been more terrorized by Al Queda than the States.

Most ot the students we met were actually ok.

by nyclonghorngal on Nov 24, 2009 11:22 AM CST reply actions  

Anything YUMC says

I didn’t know delusion could be this funny.

by Jester Texas on Nov 24, 2009 12:05 PM CST reply actions  

This post on www.texags.com

http://www.texags.com/main/forum.reply.asp?topic_id=1526752&forum_id=5

Amidst a dozen “why do you hate t.u.?” threads. I guess if all I had to choose from were sheep, this post is what I’d have to resort to.

Really? Does my signature suck?

by adt2 on Nov 24, 2009 12:35 PM CST reply actions  

See how classy we are? You dug through our blogs to find some dirt and the best you could come up with was this. Compare this class act to the stuff that’s going on in BON. tsk tsk!!

by YUMC on Nov 24, 2009 12:49 PM CST up reply actions  

If by "classy" you mean posting pictures of our cheerleaders' crotches...

…then yes, I noticed how classy you are. And for what it’s worth, I didn’t “dig through” your blogs to find some dirt. It’s on the top half of the first page of threads – so clearly all you little horndogs in collieville are hard up for some UT Cheerleader poon. (And yes, all of those puns were intended.)

Really? Does my signature suck?

by adt2 on Nov 24, 2009 12:54 PM CST up reply actions  

I really think...

 this YUMC is legally mentally challenged, dare I say retarded. I kind of just feel bad for the guy (or kid). But yes, it is making this thread great…

Hook'em

by TEXAS_FIGHT07 on Nov 24, 2009 1:34 PM CST up reply actions  

I've been thinking the exact same thing

either he/she’s 12 years old, or just plain slow. You just can’t make this stuff up.

by UT92 on Nov 24, 2009 11:30 PM CST up reply actions  

Aggie girl

Motorcycle cop is hiding behind a sign when a maroon car goes speeding by. He chases the car down and as he’s walking by the back bumper he sees a sticker that says “I’m an Aggie!” He gets to the driver’s side door and looks in at a fairly decent looking young lady. He asks her, “Are you really an Aggie?” And she says, “Why yes I am!” As he starts to unzip his fly she says, “Oh no, not ANOTHER breathalyzer test!”

by dkrandmack on Nov 24, 2009 2:19 PM CST reply actions  

My all-time favorite...

Names are always tailored to match the current aTm coach:

After another losing season, Mike Sherman knew his days as head coach of the Aggies were numbered. He was desperate to find a way to inspire his players and save his job. As a last ditched effort, he turned to prayer.

Before kick-off, he gathered his players together at mid-field and prayed:

“God in Heaven—please show these boys the right path so that may leave this game healthy, and with their first win. Amen.”

The Aggies beat the Red Raiders, 30-0.

With his faith in his team restored, Coach Sherman repeated the same routine before their next game. The Aggies blew out the Baylor Bears, 42-3. The Aggie continued their prayer routine for the next four games, each time beating their opponent by greater and greater margins.

Finally, the big Thanksgiving game rolled around. Coach Sherman asked his players to pray harder than they have all year, but the Aggies lost 99-0.

After the players and fans had all left and Kyle Field was empty, Coach Sherman went out alone onto the field and cried out: “Lord, I’m a good Christian. I had faith in you. I prayed just as I have all season. Why have you forsaken me?”

The clouds began to part, lighting crashed, and a deep voice bellowed down from the sky: “Hook ’em Horns.”

"If you kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care."

by SunriseStudly on Nov 24, 2009 4:08 PM CST reply actions  

+1 Awesome

"I live in the tower with Coach Brown." -Bevo

by run Bevo run on Nov 24, 2009 10:35 PM CST up reply actions  

Burnt Orange Sunsets...

Proof that God is a Longhorn!

Hook 'em Horns

by LonghornWSO on Nov 26, 2009 1:28 PM CST up reply actions  

Aggie Football ....

Head Coach Mike Sherman invited the Big XII media to attend the first day of football practice involving the true freshmen.

A sportsreporter asked the coach who would be new star players in the backfield. The coach brought all of the new players into a forest of trees near the edge of the practice field and told the players to run around.

Then Mike Sherman turned back to the news reporter and said “The players who run into the trees we will make linemen, and the players who run around the trees will be our quarterback and running backs.

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." J.Piper

by bravobevo on Nov 25, 2009 12:22 AM CST reply actions  

Aggie for President

This one pre-dates Obama, so imagine this happened prior to 2008:

An aggie is on a hill lying on his back looking up at the clouds and contemplating the future (yeah, I know what a stretch that is, but it helps the joke). He says out loud, “God, do you think there will ever be an African-American president?” He was stunned when God’s voice came back and said, “Yes, and it will happen very soon!” Emboldened by God actually speaking to him, he then asked “God, do you think there will ever be a woman president?” And again God answered, “Yes, and it will happen within your lifetime!” Now the aggie is feeling really bold, talking with God like this, so he asks, “God, do you think there will ever be an aggie president?” All of a sudden an awful show of lightening broke out and heard God thunder, “NOT IN MY LIFETIME!!!”

by dkrandmack on Nov 25, 2009 11:07 AM CST reply actions  

not the cleanest Aggie joke but still a good one

Two Aggies went hunting deep in the East Texas woods. After a few hours in a deer blind, one had to crap. He was concerned because he and his fellow Aggie forgot to bring toilet paper. The Aggies noticed the leaves around them were poison Ivy, so they scrambled for another idea. The second Aggie told his friend to just use a dollar instead of the leaves. The Aggie went behind a tree and emerged a few minutes later completely covered from head to toe in feces.

The second Aggie asked what the hell happened. The first Aggie said he didn’t have a dollar but did have 4 quarters.

"Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may."

~Sam Houston

by vik on Nov 25, 2009 11:46 AM CST reply actions  

Did you hear that aTm discontinued its driver's ed program?

The mule died.

"If you kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care."

by SunriseStudly on Nov 25, 2009 11:59 AM CST reply actions  

An aggy, a sooner and a longhorn...

are arrested in Saudi Arabia for drunken fighting and taken in front of King Abdullah to be dealt their punishment. The King informs them that they will each receive the standard 20 lashings with a camel whip, but since they are foreigners they will each be granted one wish before their lashings begin. Football fan that he is, he turns first to the aggy and says: “The aggies have a truly awful football program. Awful traditions. Awful school. You’re first. What’s your wish?” The aggy wishes to have a pillow strapped to his back. The lashings begin and after 5 the pillow is completely shredded, after 20 he is in serious need of medical attention. Next he turns to the sooner: “The sooners occasionally field a decent football team, but their methods are truly reprehensible. Awful coach. Awful school. You’re next. What’s your wish?” The sooner wishes to have two pillows strapped to his back. The lashings begin and after 10 both pillows are shredded, and by 20 his back looks just as bad as the aggy’s. Finally he turns to the longhorn: “I really like the horns. Great football program. Great coach. Great school. Incredible city. That’s got to be worth something: How about two wishes?” To which the longhorn replies: “Well, I’d like 40 lashings instead of just 20, and strap that aggy to my back!”

by Magnificent Bastard on Nov 25, 2009 1:26 PM CST reply actions   1 recs

great one.

"I don't care if I have to run100 times or pass it 100 times...Whatever it takes to win is all that matters to me" -VY

by 2100 San Jac on Nov 29, 2009 11:21 AM CST up reply actions  

An Aggie wanted to move to Alaska, but...

Alaska had a law against Aggies moving there. The Aggie appealed to the Governor with such a tearful fuss that the Governor finally relented, but only if the Aggie could complete 3 tasks:
 “Task 1” said the Governor, “You must swim across the Bering Strait, touch Russia, and swim back…Task 2: You must make love to an old, fat Eskimo woman…and, Task 3: You must wrestle a wild Grizzly Bear.”

“No problem said the Aggie.” and he was off…The next day he returned all blue, covered in ice, and shivering. “One down and two to go!” he declared… and he was off again.

The Governor waited and waited, but no Aggie. Finally, on the third day, the Aggie slowly dragged himself into the capital all covered in blood, his clothes dangling off his scarred and scratched body….With what seemed his last breath declared: “Alright, damnit, two down and one to go…Now, where’s that old fat Eskimo woman you want me to wrestle?”

I'd give my right arm to be ambidexterous.

by ClassofEarl on Nov 25, 2009 2:32 PM CST reply actions   1 recs

An Aggie gets home from the bar..

To find his wife in bed with another man. The Aggie, pissed as he is, runs into his closet and gets his handgun. He comes back out to the bedroom and stands at the foot of the bed, face red as a beet. He says “I’m going to get you for this…” and puts the gun against his own head.

The Aggie’s wife says, “no DON’T!!”

The Aggie says “Pipe down woman, you’re next!”

"Stats are for losers, I like winning games."

by SuperBentley on Nov 25, 2009 7:27 PM CST reply actions   1 recs

What's the best thing about a degree from a&m?

If you place it on your dashboard, you may park in handicapped spaces.

¡Viva los Matadores!

by jwhitettu on Nov 27, 2009 2:20 PM CST reply actions  

Farmer read that the price of chickens was at an historic high.He went to his seed store and bought 10000 chicks and planted them feet down.Next day they had all died.Went back and bought 10000 more and planted them head down,next day they were all dead.He called his County Agricultural Extension agent to survey the situation.After 30 minutes of kicking the dirt around the Extension agent pronounced “I’d better take a soil sample”.

by seafous on Nov 30, 2009 7:46 AM CST reply actions  

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