Aggie Week: Let's hear your favorite Aggie joke.
by run Bevo run on Nov 22, 2009 11:42 PM CST
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PrintSince the Aggies are on the menu this week, let's share your favorite Aggie themed jokes. I'll start it off.
A Longhorn walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, I know a great Aggie joke. You want to hear it?" The bartender says, "Well, before you tell it I should probably tell you that I went to A&M. And you see those two big guys sitting next to you -- they were linebackers for the A&M football team. And those two guys on your other side -- they're Marines, and they used to be in the Corps of Cadets at A&M. Now, are you sure you really want to tell that Aggie joke?"
"Hell no!" the man responds. "I don't want to have to explain it five times!"
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What's the difference between an Aggie and a carp?
One’s a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other’s a fish.
My favorite:
An Aggie had just completed his studies and was awarded a BS Degree in mechanical engineering. He was immediately hired by the Texas highway department.
His job was to paint the yellow stripe down the middle of the highway. After three days, his boss called him in and advised him that he was no longer needed.
When the Aggie inquired as to the reason for his dismissal, the boss replied, “On your first day here, you painted three miles of stripe, which is good. On your second day, you painted two miles; not as good, but still acceptable. Today, you only painted one mile. This is too far below our standards.”
The Aggie accepted the explanation, saying on his way out the door, “Well, alright, but I want you to know, it wasn’t my fault. The paint can is so darn far away.”
Rick Perry
3/19/2009 - Dogus Balbay Made a Three-Pointer. Never Forget.
by burrito on Nov 22, 2009 11:56 PM CST reply actions 11 recs
Wow
This is laughable
"Stats are for losers, I like winning games."
by SuperBentley on Nov 23, 2009 2:30 PM CST up reply actions
One I heard recently:
An Aggie and a Longhorn come across a magic lamp. They each rub the lamp and a magic Genie appears. He says he will grant 1 wish to each of them.
The Aggie goes first: “I wish for great walls to be built around College Station to keep our traditions preserved within.” The Genie granted him his wish and turned to ask the Longhorn what he wished of him.
The Longhorn replied: “Fill it with water.”
by HornPossessed on Nov 23, 2009 12:04 AM CST reply actions 3 recs
Did you hear about the skeleton they found in an aggie dorm?
1955 Hide and Seek champion.
The swine flu takes a Will Muschamp shot every September.
by pleaseplaykindle on Nov 23, 2009 12:08 AM CST reply actions 1 recs
How did the aggie find the sheep in the tall grass?
Very satisfying.
by BigTexBD on Nov 23, 2009 12:48 AM CST reply actions 12 recs
An Aggie
is walking through a pasture when he sees a large brown lump on the ground about 50 yards away. “That looks like a cowpie, but I can’t quite tell.” He continues walking toward it. At about 10 yards, he stops and thinks, “Wow, I’m almost certain that’s a cowpie.” He walks right up to it, bends down, gingerly touches it and licks his finger. “Yuck! It is a cowpie!”
“Thank God I didn’t step in it.”
Bill Byrne
decided to switch next year from natural grass to Artificial turf to keep the Aggie Cheerleaders from grazing. Not really a joke, but more of a statement of fact.
Get off your knees Greg, you're blowin' the game.
my gf’s mom went to A&M, i’ma tell her this joke on Thanksgiving
by Displaced Longhorn on Nov 23, 2009 12:16 PM CST up reply actions
Did you hear about the Aggie that moved to Oklahoma and raised the IQ of both states?
by jc25 on Nov 23, 2009 6:27 AM CST reply actions 5 recs
Whats the difference between Aggies and Rice Crispies?
Rice Crispies know what to do in a bowl.
Get off your knees Greg, you're blowin' the game.
by kriess on Nov 23, 2009 6:33 AM CST reply actions 2 recs
i actually chuckled
"We'll be baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!"
by greenspointexas on Nov 23, 2009 8:03 AM CST up reply actions
An Aggie, a Longhorn, and a Baylor Bear
worked on a construction project on a large skyscraper. One day when they stopped for lunch, the Longhorn opened his lunch, took out his sandwich, and said, “Tuna sandwich. If I get one more tuna sandwich, I’m jumping off this building.” The Baylor grad said, "Turkey sandwich. If I get one more turkey sandwich I’m jumping off this building. The Aggie said, “Peanut butter sandwich. If I get one more peanut butter sandwich, I’m jumping off this building.” The next day they opened their lunches and sure enough, they had the same sandwiches. They all jumped off the building to their death. At their funerals, the wives of the Baylor grad and the Longhorn said sadly, “If he would have just told me he was unhappy I would have made something different.” The Aggie’s wife said sadly, “He made his own lunches.”
by LonghornEm on Nov 23, 2009 6:56 AM CST reply actions 2 recs
My favorite Aggie joke ever.
Though I usually tell it with a Red Raider and a taco… haha.
"Either we need to re-calibrate our rectangle, or Alfonzo Marquez is not having a good night." - Josh Lewin
by utlonghorn24 on Nov 23, 2009 11:32 AM CST up reply actions
aggie graduation?
An aggie was finally on course to graduate from A&M—the first ever. Unfortunately, he failed his finals. However, since no one had ever graduated before, the university decided to give aggie one last shot. They gathered all faculty, staff, and students at Kyle Field and set aggie down at center field. P.A.: "Ok aggie, you get one question. If you get it right, you graduate. What’s 2 + 3?" Aggie pounds his head, clearly putting much thought into this question. The crowd is going nuts. Finally, aggie’s head comes up, the crowd quiets to a murmur, and he responds: "5?" After a short period of silence, the entire crowd begins to chant: "Give’m another chance! Give’m another chance!"
Hook'em!!
Did you hear about the aggie who won a gold medal in the Olympics?
He liked it so much he had it bronzed!
Big Bill "You never lose a game if the opponent doesn't score." Darell K. Royal
by Hook em Titans on Nov 23, 2009 9:46 AM CST reply actions 1 recs
Did you hear about the aggie that locked his keys in his car?
It took him 2 days to get his family out.
by tdwalsh on Nov 23, 2009 10:23 AM CST reply actions 2 recs
Did you hear about the Aggie at the stop sign?
Well…he’s still there.
by fiddycent on Nov 23, 2009 10:44 AM CST reply actions 2 recs
How many aggies does it take to eat an armadillo?
Two. One to watch for cars.
kinda dangerous there...
shouldn’t they have another one to watch for the cars from the other direction?
BIG Aglet joke
A Longhorn walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he wants. He says he doesn’t want anything, but asks the bartender if he wants to hear an Aggie joke.
The bartender says, “See that man to your left. He is 6’5 and 300 lbs. See that man to your right. He is 6’3 and 280 lbs. I am 6’4 and 275 lbs. You know what we all have in common. We’re all Aggies. So do you still want to tell that joke?”
The Longhorn says, “No I guess not. I would not want to have to explain it three dang times.”
didn't read the post I guess.
Just jumped right in. Thats OK. Thats my favorite one anyway.
"A lot of people look for the easy way to do anything, in swimming there is no easy way." - Eddie Reese
Aggie and the Professor
An Aggie comes across a professor who is staring intently into a fish tank. The Aggie says, “Professor, what are you doing?”
The professor answers, “I’m attempting mental telepathy with this fish. You see, if my mind is stronger than theirs, I can control their thoughts. How about you try it!”
The Aggie, confident of his ability to successfully control the fish, stares into the tank for a few seconds. Then, all of the sudden, his eyes start bugging and his mouth makes a little ‘o’ shape like he’s pushing water through his gills.
I cut out all the really offensive ones... Enjoy
There were three Aggies huddled around each other at a local bar. All of a sudden, they jumped up and yelled,
“Yeah, 45! 45!” The bartender goes down to them and asks, “45? What are you guys so excited about?”
One of the Aggies speaks up: “We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. The box said 2 to 3 years, and we did it in 45 days!”
Did you hear about the Aggie terrorist who tried to blow up the Longhorn team bus.
He burned his lip on the tailpipe.
How many Aggies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but he gets 3 hours credit.
Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco Chase?
On the A&M campus, because that’s the last place you’ll find a football player.
Why did the Aggie get fired from the M&M plant as a quality control inspector?
He kept throwing out all the W&W’s!
Have you heard about the Aggie kamikaze pilot?
He flew 22 missions.
An Aggie got a job at an east Texas sawmill. Just before lunch on his first day, he lost a finger. When asked how he lost it, he replied, “I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi…Damn! There goes another one!”
Did you hear about the Aggie that drove his pickup into the lake?
His dog drowned while he tried to get the tailgate down.
Why don’t Aggies eat barbecue beans?
Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill.
Why don’t Aggies use 911 in an emergency?
Because they can’t find “eleven” on the phone dial.
How can you tell an Aggie is on location at a drilling rig?
He’s the one throwing bread to the helicopters.
Ice is no longer available in the drinks at the cafeterias at A&M.
The senior who knew the recipe graduated.
Why do Aggies like smart women?
Opposites attract.
An Aggie went hunting and shot two deer. When he went to the taxidermist,
he was asked if he wanted them mounted.
“No,” the Aggie replied, “kissing will be fine.”
How do you sink a submarine which is manned by Aggies?
Have a diver knock on the hatch.
Did you hear that the A&M library had to close down this year?
Somebody stole the book. That’s not all… when it was returned it was all colored in.
The Aggies were playing Baylor. It was near the end of the game and Baylor was ahead by 4. Someone threw a firecracker and the Bears thought it was the gun and ran off the field celebrating.
Three plays later the Aggies scored and won!!
Some Aggies were trying to scare the Longhorn football team before the game and threw firecrackers into the locker room windows.
The Longhorns lit them and threw them back!
Did you hear about the Houston Cougar that transferred to A&M?
He raised the IQ of both schools!
Then there the Aggie that was hunting in the woods. He happened upon this beautiful woman laying naked in the grass. He asked her, “Are you game?” The woman said “yes.”
So he shot her.
How do Aggies practice safe sex?
They get rid of all the animals that kick.
A lucky Aggie won the Texas Lottery. When he went to collect his money they told him he wouldn’t get it in one lump sum and that it would be spread over 20 years.
The Aggie erupted and said, “If that’s the case, then give me my dollar back!”
There was a group of Aggie science students that wanted to send a probe to the sun, but some UT students said that was impossible and that the probe would burn up long before reaching the sun.
The Aggies replied that they planned to send the probe at night.
Why don’t Aggies eat M&M’s?
They’re too hard to peel.
Did you hear about the Cessna airplane that crashed in a cemetery in College Station recently?
Aggie search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and are still digging.
Why did O.J. want move his trial to College Station?
In College Station, everyone has the same DNA.
What do Aggies think Cheerios are?
Donut seeds.
I think that it is a shame the way you pick on the Aggies. After all it was an Aggie engineer that invented the toilet seat.
…of course a UT engineer stole the design and cut a hole in the middle.
What did the A&M graduate say to the UT graduate upon meeting?
Hi! Welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order please?
What do you call 144 Aggies?
Gross Ignorance!
Did you hear about the Aggie that broke his leg raking leaves?
He fell out of the tree.
What’s the Aggie cheer? “I’m an Aggie , I’m an Aggie, I’m and A.G.G…..ah, oh well.. I’m an Aggie, I’m an Aggie,
yea yea yea…”
Why did the Aggie keep a coat hanger in his back seat?
In case he locks the keys in his car.
An Aggie ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
“Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”
How do you keep an Aggie busy?
Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.
I bet you didn’t know that an Aggie invented the toothbrush.
Of course if anyone else had invented it, it would have been known as a teethbrush!
How do you recognize an Aggie in a department store?
He’s the one trying to slam the revolving door.
How do you know when an Aggie has sent you a fax?
When there’s a stamp on it.
Why do they throw out a sack of manure at all Aggie weddings?
To keep the flies off the bride.
Why did they install Astroturf at Kyle Field?
To keep the coeds from grazing.
At the end of the night, the Aggie turns to his girlfriend and asks, “Why is it everytime I go out with you, I end up spending hundreds of dollars?”
And she says, “Because I’m a prostitute.”
Why does the Aggie Corps wear uniforms made out of polyester?
There’s no virgin wool within a hundred miles of College Station!
Did you hear about the Aggie who was 2 hours late to class?
The escalator was stuck….
What’s the definition of mass confusion?
Father’s day in College Station.
2 Aggies were attending a friend’s funeral. While viewing the body one Aggies says to the other, “Gee, he looks pretty good!”
The second Aggie replies, “He should, he just got out of the hospital yesterday.”
What about the Aggie whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was…
Did you hear what happened to the Aggie when he found out that 90% of all car accidents occur within 5 miles of home?
He moved.
How many Aggies does it take to change a flat tire?
Just one . . . unless it’s a blowout, then they all show up!
Why did the Aggie get rid of his freezer?
He got tired of cutting the ice into little squares to fit into the trays.
Why can’t Aggies field an ice-hockey team?
Everyone drowns in spring training.
Why can’t Aggie farmers raise chickens?
They plant the eggs too deep.
What are the vital statistics of the winner of the Miss A&M Beauty Contest?
36-24-26…..and the other leg is the same.
What do you call a female Aggie who takes birth control pills?
A humanitarian.
Why are rectal thermometers banned in College Station?
They cause too much brain damage.
Why did the Aggie’s team airliner crash?
It ran out of coal.
What do you call a female Aggie with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
Did you hear about the Aggie who was asked by his professor what would happen if we didn’t have electricity?
He said we would probably be watching TV by candlelight.
How many Aggie programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
They can’t, it’s a hardware problem.
How do you know when you are near College Station?
When you honk your horn, all the sheep back up to the fence.
Did you hear that Detroit was going to start putting the dimmer switch back on the floor in its new cars?
The Aggies kept getting their foot caught in the steering wheel.
The recent budgetary cuts are taking their toll at A&M. Just last week they announced the discontinuance of all driver’s ed and sex education classes.
The mule died, and there was just no money with which to replace her.
One young Aggie was really afraid of catching AIDS.
So he practiced abstinence AND wore a condom.
JD’s like, "you want some fucking pitching? Here’s all the pitching you can stand. Now choke on it, bitches!"- RCCook
by laxtonto on Nov 23, 2009 11:46 AM CST reply actions 3 recs
The difference between a Maggie and Bigfoot?
One stands on average 7ft. tall, has long matted hair covering its body, and can be smelled up to a half-mile away……the other has big feet.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidexterous.
So two Aggies are walking down the street
and they see a dog licking himself. First Aggie turns to his friend and says, “Betcha wish you could do that.” To which the second Aggie replies, “Yeah, but I’m afraid he’d bite me.”
by mnHorn on Nov 23, 2009 12:07 PM CST reply actions 2 recs
my lord they have lost it......
" Answers -- Become Resources."
Without Questions; There are limited Resources...
There is one post, ninth from the bottom.
It’s empty, indicative of aggies even when they have something to say.
How is this a joke?
These are proud cadets getting ready for a yell to save Ms.Reveille. How is this a joke? Do you realize how many hours of practice it requires to get it synchronized and correct? Not only are you showing ignorance of one of this nation’s greatest traditions you are also insulting the dedication and hard work of these young men who are trying to strive for perfection. For the less knowledgeable ‘yelling’ is an art that needs relentless practice.
by YUMC on Nov 24, 2009 9:47 AM CST up reply actions 5 recs
OK, you're really a Longhorn, right?
Pretending to be a stupid Aggie? As much as we make fun of them, they’re not really this bad. Are they? For real…
Really?
How do you then explain this?
http://lockeroomsports.informe.com/longhorn-jokes-funny-shit—dt278.html
or this:
http://community.bustersports.com/_Crazy-Longhorn-fan/video/663738/77424.html?b=
Wow, I guess I was wrong
Aggies really are that dumb. Thanks for the confirmation!
guys
YUMC is clearly not an aggie. He is either one of us, that is just hilarious, or he is a 10 year old kid with an internet connection and lots of free time. there is no way this person is in, or has been in college.
"I don't care if I have to run100 times or pass it 100 times...Whatever it takes to win is all that matters to me" -VY
by 2100 San Jac on Nov 25, 2009 11:22 AM CST up reply actions
Hours of practice?
Geez, no wonder the academics are so lacking. This is how you spend your time in college station?!?!
Watch out, I bite.
by EddieTheAlbinoSquirrel on Nov 24, 2009 10:12 AM CST up reply actions
this nation's greatest traditions???
Seriously you actually believe that synchronized yelling is one of this nation’s GREATEST traditions?? This nation’s? The nation of the United States of America?
Jeezus Franklin Christ! You guys are seriously demented if you can truly believe your traditions mean more than a pile of steaming crap outside of College Station.
Venture out into the world for a bit and learn something about reality. Good grief!
again, your ability to suggest that you are "like" another player rather than being your own is hilarious....
" Answers -- Become Resources."
Without Questions; There are limited Resources...
Hook 'em
This isn’t a joke but good. I heard this on a sports talk radio show a while back. They were discussing A&M and about their recruiting. One of the guys mentioned the fact that the Aggies don’t use female cheerleaders as a reason why can’t get better recruits. Why would good football players want to play for A&M when they look over at the cheerleaders during the game and all they see are white men in funny looking uniforms calling the chants. It;s hard to get up for the game if you don’t have some nice cheerleaders to look at.
I recommend everyone go check out the
Why do people here hate aTm so much? thread on the rivals main message board…
Pretty funny
JD’s like, "you want some fucking pitching? Here’s all the pitching you can stand. Now choke on it, bitches!"- RCCook
What happens to Aggies caught molesting the farm animals?
They have to stand up at football games.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. If they get mad, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes.
by Caradoc on Nov 23, 2009 1:22 PM CST reply actions 3 recs
The Long Horn Joke
Why do Longhorn and Tech fans hate Aggies? Because Aggies will have beaten them both in 2009.
Why do Longhorns hate Aggies? Because Aggies have a cool logo and the Longhorn logo looks like a female genital.
Anyone need further proof of why we have this thread? nt
"Either we need to re-calibrate our rectangle, or Alfonzo Marquez is not having a good night." - Josh Lewin
by utlonghorn24 on Nov 23, 2009 2:32 PM CST up reply actions
Jef, I don't get it.
When you say “female genital” are you referring to an actual woman’s genitals or a sheep’s? Never can tell with you guys, you gotta specify.
"Stats are for losers, I like winning games."
by SuperBentley on Nov 23, 2009 2:40 PM CST up reply actions
Why do Aggies hate Razorbacks, Cowboys, Wildcats, Buffaloes, Sooners & Longhorns?
Because they would have all beaten the Aggies in 2009.
by Eskimohorn on Nov 23, 2009 2:55 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Why does Taylor Potts hate Sergio Kindle?
Because Sergio beheaded him.
"Stats are for losers, I like winning games."
by SuperBentley on Nov 23, 2009 3:21 PM CST up reply actions
Female genitals have ears?
I've been fuelin' my dreams eatin' greens and beans.
by 16thLonghorn on Nov 24, 2009 11:34 AM CST up reply actions
He may have a point with the genital thing...
you can come across some crazy stuff in medicine. One awesomely disgusting thing is “prolapsed uterus.” Google images without filter.
This is the only way that a uterus will be seen in female genitalia. Other than that, you are seriously misinformed. Or you like to see what baby lambs look like in utero. Don’t forget your canary or lamp.
by divinebovine on Nov 25, 2009 1:47 AM CST up reply actions
isn't that just like an Aggie to tell a joke like my brother did when he was 4 yrs old?
why did the car drive fast?
because the cuckoo clock said so..
brilliant, Aggie..Brilliant
by BigGameBobLOL on Nov 28, 2009 12:11 AM CST up reply actions
I am Saving my joke
I am saving my joke for after then game when we beat y’all next saturday
by YUMC on Nov 23, 2009 2:52 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
"when we beat y’all next saturday" - This post wins best aggie joke.
proud to swim home
by learned hand on Nov 23, 2009 3:15 PM CST up reply actions 11 recs
is it an equestrian event on Saturday?
I know dollar bill really likes to see those ladies straddling those horses… Maybe it has just finally sunk down to th rest of the Aggies
JD’s like, "you want some fucking pitching? Here’s all the pitching you can stand. Now choke on it, bitches!"- RCCook
Sometimes the jokes write themselves
"I live in the tower with Coach Brown." -Bevo
by run Bevo run on Nov 23, 2009 5:19 PM CST up reply actions
Is this classy?
Also, is this classy to make fun of your biggest ever rival in history? If i were you I would show more respect. When you come to College Station you will find how we treat our opponents. Everybody will welcome you, nobody will talk trash and when you lose and leave nobody would say rude things to you. That’s how classy fans behave. Tha’ts why we are aggies
Really?
During my visits to Collie Station, I have had my car keyed, my dog killed then eaten and been mugged at an ATM machine and then branded with an A&M logo.
Seriously, visitors to Kyle Field have been beaten (including female cheerleaders), been threatened with sabers, been threatened with cannons. I’ve also witnessed aggies horse laughs at UT students performing at a boy scouts reception. They celebrate injuries of their opponents. They’ve been known to poison opponents and cheapshot opponents.
They’re one of the most penalized athletic programs in the country. They’ve rarely had success in football outside of the years cited for cheating.
They’ve started riots with Tech, Rice, Baylor & Texas. All incidents where A&M was the aggressors after suffering apparent insults.
Gig’em comes from referring to TCU Horned Frogs as Giggers.
They yelled BTHOTU right after the Longhorn band’s tribute to the victims of the bonfire collapse.
Well I am sorry if you play with fire, expect to be burned. If you are nice with us, we will be nice to you. That’s what rivalry is all about. I am actually surprised to hear this from you, from what I have seen Aggie fans are the most well behaved fans. A claim that tu fans obviously cannot make and you cannot control because majority of your fan base are not college educated, they are your fans beacause Wal-mart stacks a larger quantity of horns shirts and sell them at a discount.
because majority (sic) of your fan base are not college educated
the majority of your alumni aren’t college educated.
If you're so sure of what it ain't, how about telling us what it am!
by circa1015 on Nov 23, 2009 7:35 PM CST up reply actions 4 recs
aggie douche,
No one cares if you are nice or rude to us. Everyone knows that it is just penis envy. I love that you are forced to write on BON because no one reads the Aggie blog. Nothing beats reading stupid comments from stupid fans from terrible schools. You are a joke. We all laugh at you the week we play you, then we go back to never thinking about you. Enjoy the attention while it lasts.
"It's comin' home to Texas. It's comin' home all the way back to Awwwstin, Texas, baby!" -VY
by 2100 San Jac on Nov 23, 2009 8:21 PM CST up reply actions
Majority of our fanbase
We’re Texas. Texans are our fanbase. We have the most alums. We sell the most tickets. We sell the most merchandise. And, since aggies pay licensing fees for the sawed off horns, you support UT as well. Thank you.
Who says we don’t have hospitality. Now, if you could quit beating up women, flinging poop, cattle-calling, cheating and cheapshotting, perhaps we could say the same for aggies.
Really, dude?
Play with fire and expect to be burned? So much for whatever high-minded view you have of your institution being a shining beacon of goodwill, morality and class. Additionally, I like how you speak of class and respect and still refer to us as “tu.” That’ll get you taken seriously. Besides, I don’t think you’re in any position to talk about fires. Our goodwill over that is running to a close, even with the inane hilarity you’re posting here.
Every time I feel down and depressed, I think of seven simple words by a true wise man, Matt Leinart: "I still think we're the better team" and I usually end up hurting myself by laughing so hard.
by SurferHorn257 on Nov 25, 2009 12:14 AM CST up reply actions
nope.
that’s somewhere we don’t go on this blog, and that’s somewhere we don’t go period as Longhorns (and moreover, Texans). I will always remember my neighbors in Katy who lost their son.
You do realize that this year marks the tenth anniversary of the collapse?
and that Longhorn Student/UT EMS, and Texas A&M ECT/EMS still send EMT/paramedic teams every year to the home team’s stadium after our starting that tradition 10 years ago?
I don’t mean to lecture, but you’re overdoing it on this one.
by The Mack Attack on Nov 25, 2009 3:43 AM CST up reply actions
My apologies
I crossed the line on that one. I was not trying to demean or make light of a tragedy. Aggie fans, Longhorn fans, please forgive me for that comment; it was said without any forethought and I do not wish to be hypocritical speaking about class. Again, my apologies.
Every time I feel down and depressed, I think of seven simple words by a true wise man, Matt Leinart: "I still think we're the better team" and I usually end up hurting myself by laughing so hard.
by SurferHorn257 on Nov 25, 2009 11:20 AM CST up reply actions
after then (sic) game when we beat y’all next saturday
Um, don’t hold your breath. By the time Saturday rolls around, you will have missed us whooping a little Aggie ass.
And, you must be referring to these same Aggie fans who wish to hurt Colt , or make fun of him, or the list goes on and on.
biggest rival
hahaha… classic.
"It's comin' home to Texas. It's comin' home all the way back to Awwwstin, Texas, baby!" -VY
by 2100 San Jac on Nov 23, 2009 8:30 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
I love all the jokes, but as a wise Longhorn once said:
.
“Why tell aggy jokes when there is so much aggy proof?”
This week is not long enough to air all of the available material.
Bunch of Jokers!!
And do you know what those people that crack jokes are called? Jokers!! That’s what all long horn fans are jokers!! LOL!!
Better keep some cash ready or else Notre Dame will steal Mac
lmao...man thanks for that...keep making this thread even better.nt
by vy til i die on Nov 23, 2009 8:08 PM CST up reply actions
True. The thread is better with YUMC.
I’ve been wondering, what is he going to write if UT just blows out A&M? Say, for example, the final score is about like last week’s KU game (Note: KU blasted A&M).
I foresee...
myself linking a future conversation back to this conversation as I am sure he will claim that the refs blew the game, or that we were cheating somehow. It will be a blowout, but as usual, there will be no reasoning with him. I will just reply with a link to this prediction when I see it, and hopefully he will realize (though, I wouldn’t ever expect him to admit) that he is a big tool who is just a troll, and that he and his favorite team are both trash.
"It's comin' home to Texas. It's comin' home all the way back to Awwwstin, Texas, baby!" -VY
by 2100 San Jac on Nov 23, 2009 9:05 PM CST up reply actions
Probably right.
Although after that Colorado loss, I think he actually felt bad.
Like, somehow, he realized that A&M isn’t a great team this year.
Is this supposed to be scary?
“Better keep some cash ready or else Notre Dame will steal Mac”
If that did happen, we’d just have Head Coach Boom and we’d almost surely be rid of Greg Davis (I’m assuming he doesn’t have blackmail pictures of Muschamp like he must have of Mack). Just think of it this way, Davis is as boring an OC as Sherman was with the Texans, but luckily Davis can only screw up our offense. With him gone the offense might actually start using more of it’s talent than the aggies use of their brain power, which is to say at least some.
They all look like the hillbillys from Deliverance.
“He’s got a purtty mounth”
End of Ned Beatty's career as far as I'm concerned.......
" Answers -- Become Resources."
Without Questions; There are limited Resources...
Who's the Real Mccoy?
A lot of knowledgeable football enthusiasts here in College Station ( I mean people who have witnessed a number of A&M triumphs) believe that this team has a fantastic future. Sherman is one of the smartest coaches we have had (Slocum was ofcourse the greatest). People here like our chances this week. Infact many of us think that “Jerrod Johnson” is the “Real” McCoy. Jerrod would be in Heisman conversation by now if we didn’t lose those 3 games against OU, KSU and Arkies by blowouts.
Experts here have noticed some weaknesses with the tu defense, which we think we can exploit very well with arguably the best RB duo in the country and our defense will do just enough to bottle up tu’s offense, just as we did against Baylor.
All in all the biggest game of the season for both teams will turn out to be a thriller, with perhaps a slight edge towards A&M because of our momentum, Kyle Fields, our Cadets and our incredible fans who will pour in from every corner of the country.
Yeah, it's just the same
our defense will do just enough to bottle up tu’s offense, just as we did against Baylor.
The Baylor offense = The Longhorn offense. Uh, sure.
This is so freakin’ hilarious. My favorite part is about the Cadets being a game-changer. Thanks for the comedy!
Watch out, I bite.
by EddieTheAlbinoSquirrel on Nov 24, 2009 10:10 AM CST up reply actions
Comparison, just for kicks
Slocum’s a&m coaching record
14 years 123-47-2
Brown’s Texas coaching record
12 years 126-26
"I live in the tower with Coach Brown." -Bevo
by run Bevo run on Nov 24, 2009 10:58 AM CST up reply actions
Then why...
did you morons run RC off? You Ags been lost in the football wilderness since that day.
Is the game even a sell out yet?
As of Sunday I think they still had tickets to sell to the public.
Sad little man.
We're Texas...and you're NOT
RC Slocum was a better coach than Bear Bryant?
The football gods will punish you severely for such ignorance.
proud to swim home
by learned hand on Nov 24, 2009 11:05 AM CST up reply actions 2 recs
Weaknesses with the Texas Defense?
Please expand on this.
"Stats are for losers, I like winning games."
by SuperBentley on Nov 24, 2009 11:10 AM CST up reply actions
Define "experts here" please......
" Answers -- Become Resources."
Without Questions; There are limited Resources...
i can has original thought?
Infact many of us think that "Jerrod Johnson" is the "Real" McCoy. Jerrod would be in Heisman conversation by now if we didn’t lose those 3 games against OU, KSU and Arkies by blowouts.
If by “many of us” you mean every Aggie that read Tim Griffin’s article that dimecoverage linked to this morning?
Sure, if the game this week was one-on-one, Johnson would have a fair shot at an upset. His stats are in the same neighborhood as Colt (if you toss out completion percentage.)
But if we’re judging Heisman only on stats, Max Hall and Ryan Mallett would be in the discussion far sooner than Colt, Tebow, or Johnson. Your boy doesn’t crack the top 50 in completion percentage, yards/att, or fewest interceptions. His passer rating puts him just inside at 43rd.
…which we think we can exploit very well with arguably the best RB duo in the country…
The Rodgers Brothers would like to have a word with you.
"If you kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care."
by SunriseStudly on Nov 24, 2009 11:17 AM CST up reply actions
James Rodgers is a WR
But I’d take a number of other duos ahead of anything involving Gray. Michael is a stud, and could cause headaches at some point, but I don’t think the pair of them would be the best in the conference, let alone the country.
by burntorangehorn on Nov 24, 2009 12:14 PM CST up reply actions
My bad.
"If you kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care."
by SunriseStudly on Nov 24, 2009 12:56 PM CST up reply actions
James would probably stick up for his brother,
so I wouldn’t say that the Rodgers brothers wouldn’t have anything to say about it. haha.
"I don't care if I have to run100 times or pass it 100 times...Whatever it takes to win is all that matters to me" -VY
by 2100 San Jac on Nov 24, 2009 4:05 PM CST up reply actions
Ha ha
Jacquizz totally counts as two, right? (He has almost as many yards as aTm’s two leading rushers combined.)
"If you kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care."
by SunriseStudly on Nov 24, 2009 4:14 PM CST up reply actions
Hope springs eternal
I’d just recommend getting out a little more, if Cyrus Gray amounts to half of the best RB duo in the country.
by burntorangehorn on Nov 24, 2009 12:09 PM CST up reply actions
Aggie Hospitality
I got called Al Queda by an Aggie lol. But to Aggie’s defense..alot of other Aggie fans ganged up on him and told him to shut up. I just thought it was funny, because its the wrong race and the country where i am from has been more terrorized by Al Queda than the States.
Most ot the students we met were actually ok.
by nyclonghorngal on Nov 24, 2009 11:22 AM CST reply actions
Anything YUMC says
I didn’t know delusion could be this funny.
This post on www.texags.com
http://www.texags.com/main/forum.reply.asp?topic_id=1526752&forum_id=5
Amidst a dozen “why do you hate t.u.?” threads. I guess if all I had to choose from were sheep, this post is what I’d have to resort to.
Really? Does my signature suck?
See how classy we are? You dug through our blogs to find some dirt and the best you could come up with was this. Compare this class act to the stuff that’s going on in BON. tsk tsk!!
If by "classy" you mean posting pictures of our cheerleaders' crotches...
…then yes, I noticed how classy you are. And for what it’s worth, I didn’t “dig through” your blogs to find some dirt. It’s on the top half of the first page of threads – so clearly all you little horndogs in collieville are hard up for some UT Cheerleader poon. (And yes, all of those puns were intended.)
Really? Does my signature suck?
I really think...
this YUMC is legally mentally challenged, dare I say retarded. I kind of just feel bad for the guy (or kid). But yes, it is making this thread great…
Hook'em
by TEXAS_FIGHT07 on Nov 24, 2009 1:34 PM CST up reply actions
I've been thinking the exact same thing
either he/she’s 12 years old, or just plain slow. You just can’t make this stuff up.
Aggie girl
Motorcycle cop is hiding behind a sign when a maroon car goes speeding by. He chases the car down and as he’s walking by the back bumper he sees a sticker that says “I’m an Aggie!” He gets to the driver’s side door and looks in at a fairly decent looking young lady. He asks her, “Are you really an Aggie?” And she says, “Why yes I am!” As he starts to unzip his fly she says, “Oh no, not ANOTHER breathalyzer test!”
My all-time favorite...
Names are always tailored to match the current aTm coach:
After another losing season, Mike Sherman knew his days as head coach of the Aggies were numbered. He was desperate to find a way to inspire his players and save his job. As a last ditched effort, he turned to prayer.
Before kick-off, he gathered his players together at mid-field and prayed:
“God in Heaven—please show these boys the right path so that may leave this game healthy, and with their first win. Amen.”
The Aggies beat the Red Raiders, 30-0.
With his faith in his team restored, Coach Sherman repeated the same routine before their next game. The Aggies blew out the Baylor Bears, 42-3. The Aggie continued their prayer routine for the next four games, each time beating their opponent by greater and greater margins.
Finally, the big Thanksgiving game rolled around. Coach Sherman asked his players to pray harder than they have all year, but the Aggies lost 99-0.
After the players and fans had all left and Kyle Field was empty, Coach Sherman went out alone onto the field and cried out: “Lord, I’m a good Christian. I had faith in you. I prayed just as I have all season. Why have you forsaken me?”
The clouds began to part, lighting crashed, and a deep voice bellowed down from the sky: “Hook ’em Horns.”
"If you kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care."
Aggie in heaven
An Aggie finds his way into heaven and is being shown around by God. They pass a huge mansion covered in UT Longhorn signs and paraphernalia. The Aggie tears up and asks God “Why do the Longhorns always get the best of everything. Academics, Athletics, Asthetics…why why why why why?” God looks at the Aggie and says, “That’s my house”.
by Horncasting on Nov 24, 2009 5:12 PM CST reply actions 3 recs
+1 Awesome
"I live in the tower with Coach Brown." -Bevo
by run Bevo run on Nov 24, 2009 10:35 PM CST up reply actions
Aggie Football ....
Head Coach Mike Sherman invited the Big XII media to attend the first day of football practice involving the true freshmen.
A sportsreporter asked the coach who would be new star players in the backfield. The coach brought all of the new players into a forest of trees near the edge of the practice field and told the players to run around.
Then Mike Sherman turned back to the news reporter and said “The players who run into the trees we will make linemen, and the players who run around the trees will be our quarterback and running backs.”
"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." J.Piper
Aggie for President
This one pre-dates Obama, so imagine this happened prior to 2008:
An aggie is on a hill lying on his back looking up at the clouds and contemplating the future (yeah, I know what a stretch that is, but it helps the joke). He says out loud, “God, do you think there will ever be an African-American president?” He was stunned when God’s voice came back and said, “Yes, and it will happen very soon!” Emboldened by God actually speaking to him, he then asked “God, do you think there will ever be a woman president?” And again God answered, “Yes, and it will happen within your lifetime!” Now the aggie is feeling really bold, talking with God like this, so he asks, “God, do you think there will ever be an aggie president?” All of a sudden an awful show of lightening broke out and heard God thunder, “NOT IN MY LIFETIME!!!”
not the cleanest Aggie joke but still a good one
Two Aggies went hunting deep in the East Texas woods. After a few hours in a deer blind, one had to crap. He was concerned because he and his fellow Aggie forgot to bring toilet paper. The Aggies noticed the leaves around them were poison Ivy, so they scrambled for another idea. The second Aggie told his friend to just use a dollar instead of the leaves. The Aggie went behind a tree and emerged a few minutes later completely covered from head to toe in feces.
The second Aggie asked what the hell happened. The first Aggie said he didn’t have a dollar but did have 4 quarters.
"Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may."
~Sam Houston
Did you hear that aTm discontinued its driver's ed program?
The mule died.
"If you kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care."
An aggy, a sooner and a longhorn...
are arrested in Saudi Arabia for drunken fighting and taken in front of King Abdullah to be dealt their punishment. The King informs them that they will each receive the standard 20 lashings with a camel whip, but since they are foreigners they will each be granted one wish before their lashings begin. Football fan that he is, he turns first to the aggy and says: “The aggies have a truly awful football program. Awful traditions. Awful school. You’re first. What’s your wish?” The aggy wishes to have a pillow strapped to his back. The lashings begin and after 5 the pillow is completely shredded, after 20 he is in serious need of medical attention. Next he turns to the sooner: “The sooners occasionally field a decent football team, but their methods are truly reprehensible. Awful coach. Awful school. You’re next. What’s your wish?” The sooner wishes to have two pillows strapped to his back. The lashings begin and after 10 both pillows are shredded, and by 20 his back looks just as bad as the aggy’s. Finally he turns to the longhorn: “I really like the horns. Great football program. Great coach. Great school. Incredible city. That’s got to be worth something: How about two wishes?” To which the longhorn replies: “Well, I’d like 40 lashings instead of just 20, and strap that aggy to my back!”
by Magnificent Bastard on Nov 25, 2009 1:26 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
That one made me laugh so hard... thanks for the humor. :-) I needed a laugh that good.
Play like you mean it...
great one.
"I don't care if I have to run100 times or pass it 100 times...Whatever it takes to win is all that matters to me" -VY
by 2100 San Jac on Nov 29, 2009 11:21 AM CST up reply actions
An Aggie wanted to move to Alaska, but...
Alaska had a law against Aggies moving there. The Aggie appealed to the Governor with such a tearful fuss that the Governor finally relented, but only if the Aggie could complete 3 tasks:
“Task 1” said the Governor, “You must swim across the Bering Strait, touch Russia, and swim back…Task 2: You must make love to an old, fat Eskimo woman…and, Task 3: You must wrestle a wild Grizzly Bear.”
“No problem said the Aggie.” and he was off…The next day he returned all blue, covered in ice, and shivering. “One down and two to go!” he declared… and he was off again.
The Governor waited and waited, but no Aggie. Finally, on the third day, the Aggie slowly dragged himself into the capital all covered in blood, his clothes dangling off his scarred and scratched body….With what seemed his last breath declared: “Alright, damnit, two down and one to go…Now, where’s that old fat Eskimo woman you want me to wrestle?”
I'd give my right arm to be ambidexterous.
by ClassofEarl on Nov 25, 2009 2:32 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
An Aggie gets home from the bar..
To find his wife in bed with another man. The Aggie, pissed as he is, runs into his closet and gets his handgun. He comes back out to the bedroom and stands at the foot of the bed, face red as a beet. He says “I’m going to get you for this…” and puts the gun against his own head.
The Aggie’s wife says, “no DON’T!!”
The Aggie says “Pipe down woman, you’re next!”
"Stats are for losers, I like winning games."
by SuperBentley on Nov 25, 2009 7:27 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
One last one... Saw aversion of this one a while back but couldn't find it. So I rewrote it....
Coach Sherman had just been hired as the new head coach of Texas A&M. Coach Franchione who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. “Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,” he said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, the team was playing poorly and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit’s end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, “Blame your predecessor.”
The Coach Sherman called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the Coach Franchione. “The cupboard is bare” he cried. Satisfied with his comments, the press — and the Alumni – responded positively, the season ended and the problem was soon behind him.
About a 18 months later, the team was still playing poorly and is lagging behind in the Big 12 South and still is having a hard time recruiting. Having learned from his previous experience,Coach Sherman quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, “Fire your coordinators.” This he did, and the alumni and fan base was once again happy.
After several mediocre seasons and 4 loses in a row to UT, the team once again fell to the bottom of the Big 12. Coach Sherman went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.
The message said, “Prepare three envelopes.”
JD’s like, "you want some fucking pitching? Here’s all the pitching you can stand. Now choke on it, bitches!"- RCCook
by laxtonto on Nov 25, 2009 8:35 PM CST reply actions 3 recs
What's the best thing about a degree from a&m?
If you place it on your dashboard, you may park in handicapped spaces.
¡Viva los Matadores!
Farmer read that the price of chickens was at an historic high.He went to his seed store and bought 10000 chicks and planted them feet down.Next day they had all died.Went back and bought 10000 more and planted them head down,next day they were all dead.He called his County Agricultural Extension agent to survey the situation.After 30 minutes of kicking the dirt around the Extension agent pronounced “I’d better take a soil sample”.
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