"We were so busy filling out the government paperwork that even the (Oklahoma Sooner's) football players actually had to come in and work overtime." The assistant manager of sales from Big Red Sports in Norman, Oklahoma asked to remain nameless, but was able to shed some light on the puzzling performance of the 2009 OU football team.
"After Rhett Bomar and J.D. Quinn were kicked off the team uppper management decided to make players work for the $18,000/month paychecks. Up until the Economic Recovery Plan the players were able to fill up their time with mindless small tasks and were still lable to look over the playbooks between helping customers. But when cash for clunkers hit the players had to put practice in the background as our auto sales absolutley overwhelmed us."
New reports now claim that Jermaine Greshman injured his knee when he slipped in the break room on a puddle of coffee cream. Sam Bradford had also reported a sore shoulder before the BYU game and claimed it was due to the hours upon hours of filling out government reinbursement forms.
It is widely believed among full time emplyees of Big Red Sports Auto Sales that Coach Stoops would call, using a different alias and voice each time, and demand that the players be released so the team could practice stopping statue of liberty 2-point conversions attempts.
During the BYU and Texas games, with or without Bradford on the field, the OU offense was sluggish and hardly showcased the previous years prowless. But, even when auto sales slowed down, the big question of whether or not OU's offense would be able to recover and get back on track in time to salvage the season has been answered. And that answer is the Sun Bowl.
Still Oklahoma fans might consider themseleves lucky to be in the Sun Bowl and not in a more prestigious showcase.
Oklahoma has lost five consecutive BCS bowls (LSU, USC, Boise St., West Virginia and Florida), that statistic coupled with dropping four of the last five Red River Shootouts/Rivalries against archrival Texas have decreased Stoop's nickname from "Big Game Bob" to "Medium Game Bob" to "Baylor game Bob."
In the future fans can expect Oklahoma to stop scheduling BCS buster teams such as TCU and BYU as the season opener in the future, and to use a less strenuous profession to funnel money from boosters to players.