Choose Your Own Game Plan
by Peter Bean on Oct 4, 2010 9:36 PM CDT
in Texas Longhorns Football
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PrintYou are the offensive coordinator of the Texas Longhorns. In your last game against UCLA, you tried to wear out the defense by running side-to-side. Your strategy failed, and you had to spend the entire week hearing about what went wrong.
You went to the Broken Spoke to drown your sorrows and get away from it all, only to discover the patrons were line dancing the "Horizontal Shuffle," named after you.
It is one week later and you are in charge of calling the plays against Oklahoma. The Sooners receive the ball and score a touchdown on their first drive. Your offense takes the field for the first time, down 7-0.
What do you do?
Throw it horizontally to James Kirkendoll (Page 11)
Throw it horizontally to Marquis Goodwin (Page 7)
Run misdirection sweep (Page 22)
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This is amazing.
Venables got some Candy, but so did Malcolm Williams.
Of course...
…for someone like me to find it, I had to act like George Costanza in that episode of Seinfeld in which he finally attains some success by going against his natural instincts each and every time.
Hungry Hippos, baby! It's on!
But Peter, every time I pick a boring, predictable play that completely under-utilizes and misuses our talent, it gets me nowhere and … oh. Hey, give Greg a break – the Cotton Bowl does kinda run North/West to South/East. He got confused about moving the ball north and south.
"Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try."
- Yoda
Perhaps the problem with the horizontal passing
is that we’re not utilizing enough of the field from east to west. What if we throw horizontally to Kirkendoll who then throws horizontally across the field to Goodwin?
"Well, a guy did a Horns down to him. You just shouldn’t do that."
Can we get more of the Malcolm Williams Prize
jc25 thanks you in advance for the candy.
I don't always watch football, but when I do, I prefer Dos Achos. Stay thirsty, my friends.
Yeah, I want my quarter back… I mean my $110 for my ticket.
"Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try."
- Yoda
by ElongatedHorn on Oct 4, 2010 10:12 PM CDT up reply actions
agreed
Never ask a man if he's from Texas. If he is, he'll tell you soon enough. If he's not, don't embarrass him.
I so love the Choose Your Own Adventure books
This is fantastical. (I recently bought the boxed sets for my 8-year-old, too.) Hmmmm, since those books are geared for 8-12 years old, think this might actually make it through a certain OC’s thick skull??
Greatness, my friend, greatness.
Watch out, I bite.
by EddieTheAlbinoSquirrel on Oct 4, 2010 10:34 PM CDT reply actions
Very creative.
I got the cheerleaders on the first try. :)
"Football's so important in Texas. On the West Coast, it's a social. On the East Coast, it's a culture. Here, it's a religion."
-- Major Applewhite
amusing
This was a good one
"Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that."
--Bill Shankly
Very nice
Oregon cheerleaders are a nice prize, but I think I’d rather have Chip Kelly’s brain transplanted into GD’s.
by TheElusiveShadow on Oct 4, 2010 11:12 PM CDT reply actions
My girlfriend is an ardent but green fan
I gave her the best condensed hourlong scouting report of our team (I <3 Jeffcoat) en route to the game including the innanity of our OC. She just chose her own adventure, made it to the Oregon cheerleaders in 3 plays, scored two td’s in the process and applauded the picture choice. The love I have for her compares only with my hate for he that shall not be named.
by CVictoryJoyously on Oct 4, 2010 11:33 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
I have lived through enough bad years to laugh at this little dip in the road
Good God, we have freshman (Jeffcoat) throwing around QBs. We have freshmen LBs ready to get playing time (Hicks) and we have a Soph. QB that is hooking up freshman receivers (we want you back Mike Davis—-and we want you in the game Darius White).
Fellow Horns Fans—-Get a fukn grip. We also have a top class comingi in to fill our voids at OL and DT and RUNNING BACK!!!
I went through the the Fred Akers years
I went through the David McWilliams years
I went through the John Mackovic years
And I have been living the GD years. We are fine. We will finish 8-3 or better, and rack up a big win in a bowl game. We will be highly ranked to start next year. Give GG a breack. It is his first year to start.
Give GD no breaks. He deserves none and we could be pounding OU every year if Mack would cutty the buddy pass loose and hire the best OC available for the job. Not sure who it is, but I sure as hell know who it ain’t. (that is kind of on Mack—that he is putting his friendship ahead of getting a talented OC——I mean Davis was 1-10 as head coach of Tulane. Nobody has ever accused GD of being a football scholar.
Oopps..
I forgot to say that I won the game and nailed the OU cheerleaders…….the ducky ones, not the nasty sooner ones.
This needs to go straight to the BON HOF.
3/19/2009 & 12/15/2009 - Games Where Dogus Balbay Made a Three-Pointer. Never Forget.
I Get the Strange Feeling...
Peter Bean has really, really given up on Greg Davis LOL.
In-VINCE-able.
I haven’t played since the ’60’s! Maybe I’m confused, but the test was very easy, and very clever. See, I was taught than moving the ball down field toward the goal WAS the goal. We still don’t get points for playing sideline to sideline. DKR was old school, but he knew how to get in the end zone. I am losing faith in Mack for his constant defense of our offensive offense.
Texas is neither southern nor western. Texas is Texas
You ever consider he's feigning normalcy to the media
And chewing ass within the orginization? I’m not privy to what goes on behind closed doors; are you?
Kindle 3:16
by NYHorn on Oct 5, 2010 9:18 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Agreed
I fully believe that Mack’s still in the ‘NOS’ roll. He’s smart enough and savvy enough to keep it behind doors. For that, I applaud him. There’s a reason that he’s so beloved by the fanbase (or, maybe with recent events, applauded by those that lived through the predeccessors). Mack’s an A+ CEO.
Now, someone get Al Davis on the phone to explain to GD how we can run a vertical passing game, as we’ve got some of the fastest players around . . .
by unknownidiot on Oct 5, 2010 11:25 AM CDT up reply actions
This is too good
Isn’t there some law thing you should be doing instead?
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. If they get mad, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes.
So easy even a caveman could do it! NT
"Only angry people win football games." --DKR
Love this. Well done, PB.
GD refuses to believe the myth that is going vertical.
by Infield Elephant on Oct 5, 2010 9:16 AM CDT reply actions
I blame our poor offense on the new 3D fad
GD, coincidentally that’s an abbreviation for what I yell when I see a wr bubble screen, is in a box on the sideline and I think his coke bottles eye glasses are 3D and everyone knows 3D is cooler when it’s coming to your direction.
by dukeoforange on Oct 5, 2010 9:51 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
Congratulations, PB!
You proved that I (with exactly zero coaching experience) am a better playcaller than GD. Of course, I had the benefit of seeing how the sideways passes worked in real life. Then again, so did GD.
.
by Longhorn in Canada on Oct 5, 2010 11:10 AM CDT reply actions
Needs more penalties.
At least one first down needs to be called back.
Where's
The option for Britt Mitchell missing his assignment and wrecking the play?
by jmptexas on Oct 5, 2010 12:42 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
or NOT missing his assignment
and wrecking the play. I’m just glad Ndamukong Suh has no part in any of this present or future.
"You've got to think lucky. If you fall into a mudhole, check your back pocket - you might have caught a fish" -- Darrell Royal
by SpiritOfTheFedora on Oct 5, 2010 1:26 PM CDT up reply actions
Nicely done, PB
You’ve illustrated a proverb: the path to glory is but a series of good choices.
This was awesome!
Reached the prize on my second series. You think someone could convince Greg Davis that he will actually recieve this prize. Maybe it would help correct his play calling issues. Hell, I re-played just to win the prize again at least 5 more times.
by LonghorninRaiderland on Oct 5, 2010 6:10 PM CDT reply actions
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