FanPost

Mid-Week Fix: Recap, Predictions, Hope for the Strung-Out Grieving

So I have this emotionally unstable half-cousin who was recently having a hard time dealing with a terrible defeat. His team was playing another team from California that hasn't been anything much to speak of since the '80s. The last time my half-cousin's team played them, they lost really, really badly at home in a devastating upset that took my half-cousin a while to get over. The two teams were scheduled to play each other again about 13 years later and it was well expected that my half-cousin's highly favored team would win pretty easily, seeing that the other team looked pretty bad. Well, of course, the other team won, beating the shit out of my half-cousin's team at home. He went into a dark state for a few days - loved ones thought he might vanish forever or walk off into the sunset with his head hung low, never to be seen again. But in an attempt to to re-acclimate back to normal life, he did some research on the world wide web, which I told him was stupid and that I would never google self-help tips, especially for something as trivial as a football game. But I found a few things that are helping me cope. Er, helping my emotionally unstable half-cousin cope, that is. He's all messed up.

Actually, my half-cousin's research didn't reveal what he expected. It seems that his definition of dealing with a tragedy is different from most. After trying several different methods, it was decided that the best option was to fall back on the one thing that is always there for him, year after year. Yes, it was methamphetamines that brought my half-cousin back from the ledge. That, and the cool breeze that began to sneak its way through the sunroof like the sweet caress of a lover's flowing hair; the gold and red foliage lining the river in a tunnel of welcoming autumn, reminding you that she is here again; the 8am drunken stupors, reaching for the remote to watch Lee Corso talk about aliens. It was suddenly clear to my half-cousin, who had so tragically lost his way, that this is the most wonderful time of the year and it is only going to get better in spite of any pain and torment that may come with it. My half-cousin's team may not win the national championship, or any other kind this year, but he now realizes he has a choice to make: dwell in the confounded reality that his team refuses to change anything about the blatant dickery that is their offensive scheme, which will no doubt result in more torture, personal anguish and injured pets over the course of the next few months -or- he can try his best to relax and enjoy the glory that is college football. One week at a time.

Highlights from WEEK 4:

#19 Miami (FL) 31, Pittsburgh 3

Before anyone starts making outrageous claims about the ACC having hope, it should be noted that the Big East is supremely awful at stuff, namely football. But they do give us this, and that has to count for something:

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#4 TCU 41, Southern Methodist 24

If you saw this game, you would know that this whole "best team in Texas" bit is just a- ...oh, wait.

#11 Wisconsin 70, Austin Peay 3
#18 Iowa 45, Ball State 0
#21 Michigan 65, Bowling Green 21
#25 Michigan State 45, Northern Colorado 7
Northwestern 30, Central Michigan 25
#2 Ohio State 73, Eastern Michigan 20
#23 Penn State 22, Temple 13
Indiana 35, Akron 20
Northern Illinois 34, Minnesota 23
Toledo 31, Purdue 20


I'm just lumping all these together in a little trophy case to display the gauntlet that was the Big 10's schedule for week four. This is where I like to envision Jim Delany conniving a secret plan to boost the conference up in the polls like the mad scientist he is. It may have worked.

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Tennessee 32, UAB 29 (OT)

I am counting on Derek Dooley to provide some of the most absurdly interesting games of the season.

Missouri 51, Miami (OH) 13

No snide remarks here. I just think Mizzou may end up being really good this year and I am glad they're not on our schedule.

#20 USC 50, Washington State 16

Well, I'm kind of disappointed that Kiffin only went for one two-point conversion this week, but because it was done at random and was entirely unnecessary, it stays:

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#1 Alabama 24, #10 Arkansas 20


Nick Saban and Jim McElwain changed some things with their offense when they were down 20-7 in the 3rd quarter and came back to win the game. We would have no idea what that feels like, but I bet it's awesome.

#8 Oklahoma 31, Cincinnati 29

See comment above about the Big East. Cincy is no exception this year and our upcoming game continues to be somewhat of an anomaly not knowing what exactly to expect.

Nevada 27, Brigham Young 13

Nevada looks really good. For a WAC team. [commence weekly Boise St thread]

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#6 Nebraska 17, South Dakota State 3

It's probably best not to read too deep into it.

#9 Florida 48, Kentucky 14


Florida began to figure out the whole offense thing. We would have no idea what that feels like, but I bet it's awesome.

Mississippi State 24, Georgia 12

I don't see Boom going to UGA, as many speculate. For that to happen, Mark Richt would have to have a really bad year and Texas would have to be in a transition period with lingering doubt about the future.

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Kansas 42, New Mexico State 16


Therefore, Turner Gill will lose to Baylor next week by 60+ points. 'Cause f*** you, that's why.

#17 Auburn 35, #12 South Carolina 27

Cam Newton is large and quick and can throw objects far. Gene Chizik would be SOL without him.

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#3 Boise State 37, #24 Oregon State 24


/fart noise

#15 LSU 20, #22 West Virginia 14


See comment above about the Big East. T-minus pretty-soon-now that LSU drops a few ugly ones. Hopefully having something to with basic math.


Key Match-Ups for WEEK 4:


Thurs, 6:30 PM CT Texas A&M at Oklahoma State - ESPN


Prediciton: A&M - 19, OSU, 45

Sat, 11:00 AM CT #16 Miami (FL) at Clemson - ESPN2

Prediction: MIA - 32, Clem - 27

2:30 PM CT #21 Texas vs. #8 Oklahoma - ABC

Prediciton: UT - 22, OU - 21

2:30 PM CT #11 Wisconsin at #24 Michigan State - ESPN2 (reg)

Prediction: Wis - 33, MSU - 24

2:30 PM CT Tennessee at #12 LSU - CBS

Prediction: Tenn - 35, LSU - 28

2:30 PM CT Washington State at UCLA


Prediction: WSU - 3, UCLA - 83

6:00 PM CT Georgia at Colorado (not really "key", but I shall watch to see who gets fired first)

Prediction: UGA - 5, CU - 4

7:00 PM CT #7 Florida at #1 Alabama - CBS

Prediction: UF: 34, Bama - 45

7:00 PM CT #9 Stanford at #4 Oregon - ABC

Predicition: Stan - 38, Oregon - 36

7:05 PM CT #22 Penn State at #17 Iowa - ESPN

Prediction: PSU - 17, Iowa - 9

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