Longhorn limericks
by HookTech on Jan 11, 2011 1:44 PM CST
Email
PrintAs the dreaded post-football season looms, a BON friend and I thought it would be fun to have a bit of fun with limericks since they're fun as hell to write. I'll start it off and you guys can post your limericks below. Let's see what our warped minds can come up with to entertain ourselves while we wait for spring practices to start.
of course, since anything anti-aggie or anti-sooner is inherently pro-longhorn, limericks of that nature are welcome.
Please keep it reasonably clean and innocuous. Have fun.
There once was a coach named Mack,
who many a fan did attack,
then Davis he fired,
and Harsin he hired,
so now we all have his back.
All comments, FanPosts, and FanShots are the views of the reader-authors who create them.
87 comments
|
6 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
There once was a farmer named “Aggie”
Who was so tired of being douche-baggy
He tried to repent
Gave up whooping for Lent
But the Hook ’em signed made him too gaggy.
See ya later, alligator.
by Paleface Horn on Jan 11, 2011 1:58 PM CST reply actions 3 recs
There once was a coach named Boom
He caused Big 12 offenses much gloom
But the Gators came calling
Fearing his stock was falling
Now his job Coach Loco assumes.
"It's all bullshit, and it's bad for 'ya." -George Carlin
We're Texas
it is our Tradition.
It’s a blessing as much as condition
We love us some Horns
Hate aggy and Corn
The rest can go straight to perdition.
There is not a situation or individual that cannot be improved by the addition of chocolate.
by OnMySignal on Jan 11, 2011 2:23 PM CST reply actions 3 recs
laughing so hard
There is not a situation or individual that cannot be improved by the addition of chocolate.
Does Tom Hanks have a starring role in your limerick?
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
There once was a coach named Pelini
Who was the world’s biggest weenie
He promised a seaman
he’d call plays this season
but man, he’s just a big meanie
by Loisaida Horn on Jan 11, 2011 2:38 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
Rewrite of last line
but reneged and said he was teasin
Don't rewrite me limerick
especially if you can’t follow the rhyming scheme!
by Loisaida Horn on Jan 11, 2011 4:31 PM CST up reply actions
Sorry, I realize I didn't follow Limerick 'form'
I thought the line fit the Pelini story a little better. No offense to your Limerick skills intended.
There once was a man from Nantucket
who is getting pretty pissed off about all the dirty limericks and is moving to Bangkok.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. If they get mad, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes.
There once was a sooner named Stoops
You could play his excuses in loops
When they caught him a-cheatin
And his team took a beatin
All he could muster was, “Oops!”
Simplicity is always the secret, to a profound truth, to doing things, to writing, to painting. Life is profound in its simplicity. - Charles Bukowski
by windycityhorn on Jan 11, 2011 5:41 PM CST reply actions 4 recs
reply fail. that was for windycityhorn
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
There once was a man named VY
Whose skills made defenses cry
Along comes Cam Newton
The whole SEC was a rootin’
Hey ‘necks he’s just not that guy!
Boise State choked while Auburn enjoyed a comeback for the ages. I'll have another heaping helping of hypocrisy, please.
There once was a man named Thayer
Fuck that guy
I call bullshit! Bevo size!
by Ese-De-SA on Jan 11, 2011 8:47 PM CST reply actions 8 recs
I would point out that lacked many elements that make up a limerick,
but I have a feeling that was intentional.
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
Quien es el vato que se llama "Thayer."
See ya later, alligator.
by Paleface Horn on Jan 12, 2011 6:59 AM CST up reply actions
Is this referring to Thayer Evans the fox sports columnist?
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
Only Hack in the world I know of named Thayer
I call bullshit! Bevo size!
by Ese-De-SA on Jan 12, 2011 11:56 AM CST via mobile up reply actions
I take it you're a Cam Newton fan.
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
the only thing I am aware of that is scandalous
about Thayer Evans is his alleged slander of Cam Newton. What is their about him that I am unaware of that is the basis for your distaste?
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
Now I understand
Thanks for the links.
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
LOL, well then,
why don’t you give a bit of history as to why you dislike Thayer Evans?
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
There once was a young quarterback
who was givin the reigns by Mack
Not destined to fail
he couldn’t prevail
now winning he must find a knack.
How do you cure GanaHerpaCyphalAids? Damn Roofies!
There once was a Burnt Orange Fan
It could be a lady or man
Aggies are Yuck
Sooners still Suck
and the Huskers just got up and ran
OU is overrated.
by Hornswaggle on Jan 12, 2011 4:31 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
There once was a tackle named Westerman
Considered by most as the best of ‘em
UT’s winning expired
And Coach Toll’son retired
But Major made his heart a burnt orange one.
See ya later, alligator.
There once was a tackle named Westerman
Considered by most as the best of ‘em
UT’s winning expired
And McWhorter retired
But the kid’s heart stayed a burnt orange one.
See ya later, alligator.
by Paleface Horn on Jan 12, 2011 10:35 AM CST up reply actions
The ladies of Burnt Orange Nation
Are a fount of sports information
The men must admit
Female knowledge and wit
Are cause for much jubilation.
There is not a situation or individual that cannot be improved by the addition of chocolate.
SEXISM
BAN HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
See ya later, alligator.
by Paleface Horn on Jan 12, 2011 10:51 AM CST up reply actions
Laughing very hard right now.
" Answers --Become Resources."
Without Questions, There are limited Resources...
There once was a tailback named Ricky
Whose girlfriend gave Major a hickey
Ricky knew that he’d need
to find much better weed
and stop pounding away at his dickey.
Visit my blog on all things college football, Pigskin Phenom.
by acho81 on Jan 12, 2011 3:20 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
There once was a Longhorn named Hopkins
who loved Whataburgers with options
but he moved way out where
the Whataburgers are rare
now if he wants one it has to be flown in
A lot of sooner fans are pricks
their sisters smoke meth and turn tricks
they don’t know much at all
so they worship sooner football
in a trailer park surrounded by hicks
Hello Texas, sure is good to see you again...
by DaytrippingLonghorn on Jan 12, 2011 7:09 PM CST reply actions
Pretty well played DayTripper
I see this fan post having some potential come RRS time. It could get creative….or even go off the track.
That's actually a cool idea
RRS week one day do a Limerick-off, kind of like a rap battle only more Irish
Visit my blog on all things college football, Pigskin Phenom.
Winner gets to drink a pint..... loser has to drink a pint
ain’t being Irish grand.
Hopkins, and dime and Hook Tech
were out drinkin’ beer on the back deck.
They got really hammered
See ya later, alligator.
ignore the above. computer is acting up.
See ya later, alligator.
by Paleface Horn on Jan 13, 2011 5:45 PM CST up reply actions
Progressive limerick (i.e., somebody else complete it)
Hopkins, and Paleface and Hook Tech
were out drinkin’ beer on the back deck.
They got pretty hammered
See ya later, alligator.
Then one of them stammered:
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. If they get mad, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes.
I wish I could just get one more rec.
See ya later, alligator.
by Paleface Horn on Jan 14, 2011 9:37 AM CST up reply actions
I wish I could get just one more rec.
See ya later, alligator.
by Paleface Horn on Jan 14, 2011 9:38 AM CST up reply actions
2010, in a limerick nutshell
The BCS game disappointed,
But far from appearing disjointed,
The Longhorns were back,
And on the attack,
Our new quarterback was anointed!
We all fell for Gilbert’s seduction,
Our running game promised destruction,
But when we played Rice,
Though winning was nice,
The offense was lacking production.
Wyoming would not be much trouble,
But yards-per-play should have been double,
And though we could score,
It would have been more,
But Davis kept calling the ‘bubble."
At Tech we came so close to losing,
We questioned each play Greg was choosing,
Did Gilbert need glasses?
What’s wrong with his passes?
It’s time for us fans to start boozing!
Then out of the west came the shoo-ins,
No way could we lose to the Bruins,
Their run we weren’t stopping,
The ball we kept dropping,
Our season was turning to ruins.
A win over OU might save us,
But we would not take what they gave us,
"I’ll use D.J. once,
Then act like a dunce,
And run east to west!" said Greg Davis.
We got back on track up in Lincoln,
"Our season is saved!" (We were thinkin’),
But not so, because,
Our victory was,
More due to the Cornhuskers stinkin’.
Whew! Iowa State next, then Baylor,
The schedule could hardly get frailer,
But Cyclones and Bears,
Had both said their prayers,
Our offense could not have looked paler.
Could K-State and OSU beat us?
We’ve NEVER let both teams defeat us,
They both came out fast,
Ignoring the past,
And ganged up to finally unseat us.
A softball! Here’s Florida Atlantic!
(Though even some faithful were frantic),
At last we looked great,
(Too little, too late),
The season had turned into panic.
We couldn’t beat up little brothers,
Delighting all Ags and their mothers,
We didn’t go bowling,
And soon bells were tolling,
For Davis, McWhorter and others.
But with the next season approaching,
Mack is now beefing-up coaching,
And ‘cause we are Texas,
We write big ol’ checks-es,
And from other schools, we’re poaching.
This year was too painful to mention,
But certainly caught our attention,
So if there’s a Heaven,
Two Thousand-Eleven,
Will see the ‘Horns back in contention!
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
by rktlaw on Jan 13, 2011 5:58 PM CST reply actions 15 recs
Wow. You win. Nice work.
Your prize is a 10+ win season in 2011.
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
Damn...wish we were lining up tomorrow...only 225ish days.
Boise State choked while Auburn enjoyed a comeback for the ages. I'll have another heaping helping of hypocrisy, please.
by Mulliganville on Jan 14, 2011 1:35 AM CST up reply actions
2011 may be the most anticipated season ever.
See ya later, alligator.
by Paleface Horn on Jan 14, 2011 6:48 AM CST up reply actions
most excellent
See ya later, alligator.
by Paleface Horn on Jan 14, 2011 6:10 AM CST up reply actions
Wow. A limerick prince/princess is born.
The UT 2010 season in limerick form. Well done Lad/Lass. Treat yourself to a pint for your efforts.
James Joyce?
See ya later, alligator.
by Paleface Horn on Jan 14, 2011 12:36 PM CST up reply actions
Aww, shucks!
I thank one and all for the honors,
But most of my efforts were yawners,
It’s on HookTech’s head,
He started this thread,
"Forgive me" to my fellow BONers.
(Unless you pronounce the word "BONE"-ers,
In that case, my efforts were "groaners,"
But now either way,
I must say, "good-day,"
And get back to work for my "owners.")
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
No, no,
You deserve all the credit you are being given and more. Also, PalefaceHorn suggested I post this, so he deserves his fair share of the credit.
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
Thanks for the credit, friend.
See ya later, alligator.
by Paleface Horn on Jan 17, 2011 1:12 PM CST up reply actions
Thanks, everyone, for all the contributions.
I suspected there would be a lot of clever and well written submissions and you all proved me right. It has been fun and hopefully they’ll keep coming.
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
Horns shock the Jawhawks!
Rock Chalk fans watched in sholck,
As the Longhorns led their Jayhawks,
And the basketball clolck
went tick tolck, tick tolck,
So the undefeated Jayhawks went down,
Because they couldn’t stop J’Covan Brown
from scoring 23…
FINAL: Texas 74, Kansas 63
Yipee!!!
(sorry it’s not Limerick form)
The Saga of Ole Buttertooth
Mack Brown’s program was in a decline,
His QB Gilbert was supine,
“I’ll fix it” he said,
“by replacing the head
Of our terrible offensive line.”
So, was OU in a decline in '09
or does one off year not meet the criteria for a decline?
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
Admit it.
It’s the best limerick on this board, and funny as hell.
Do yourself a favor..develop a sense of humor, you’ll live longer.
I have a well developed sense of humor.
I was just stabbing back at you… for funsies. I didn’t really mean to call you an asshole in my limerick, it just fit the rhyme scheme. Nothing personal against you, and yes, your limericks were pretty funny.
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
The Saga of Ole Buttertooth - the sequel
Only 3 titles in 25 years,
Makes a sad head coach cry rivers of tears,
Now Mack Brown is dried out and thin,
And Bob Stoops continues to win,
While the Longhorns listen to Sooner cheers.
We need a good drunk...
We need a good drunk like Sergio Kindle,
or pot smoker like Ced-er-ic Benson,
To turn the Longhorns around,
and bring pride back to town,
to hell with it let’s take up Fencin’.
need to work on your meter
Give it a year or two and we’ll be running all over your land stealing asses with a good kid, who we came by honestly.
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
Toby H was the name of a troll
who made it his ultimate goal,
to torment his rivals,
while in staunch denial,
that he is a grade A asshole.
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
I deny nothing!
There was a girl named HookTech,
whose face made all the boys go “blecccch”
But she loved Mack Brown,
and when he came to town,
He’d sex her up for a big check.
Not bad. Not bad.
Besides, who can resist that scrotum neck Mack has?
I don't want NO PART of yo' tired ass country club, YA FREAK BITCH!
The Texan
Here I sit with both cheeks a flexin’
Givin’ birth to another Texan,
it’ll be QB for Mack some day,
and throw picks as he gives games away
And to think I was banned from Crimson and Cream Machine.
PB: Can’t you at least assess a technical foul here? For trouble making and the worst attempt at poetry ever.
See ya later, alligator.
I guess it's too cold to go noodlin' in Pawhuska this morning.
And don’t you go talkin’ shit about HT. He’s MY man.
See ya later, alligator.
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
