Goodbye BON, Hello Team Speed Kills!

Well, faithful BON readers, I have some sad news which I am sure is going to absolutely tear you up.

I’m leaving BON.  Beginning with the 2012-13 athletic season, I will be writing instead for Team Speed Kills, SBNation’s SEC-centric blog.

Now don’t all of you jump out of your chairs all at once to try and stop me.  I know you want to, because I’m just that talented and important, even though no one in my family has won any major writing awards since my great-grandfather was given an "atta boy!" for his TPS report back in 1939.  Frankly, I’m surprised that my phone hasn’t been burning off the hook yet in an attempt to get me to change my mind.  I’m sure that will change soon.

But the reality is, I’m just too good to be hanging out with you anymore.  And Team Speed Kills . . . wow, I can’t imagine any writer not wanting to hang out in that neighborhood.  TSK has won five straight national sports blogging championships, and since we all know everything always remains static in terms of who’s more likely to win a championship in any given year, I want to go associate myself with a group of writers guaranteed to win the next 25 sports blogging championships in a row.  At least 25.

And they’re rich, too!  I mean, I’m going to increase my monthly salary from pay-per-click revenue from $1.34 to $1.42.  That’s, like, a lot more money which I won’t have to share with any of the other BON writers. And I’m guaranteed to always make more money from ad revenue at Team Speed Kills.  I mean, I know that the internet is always changing at the speed of light and that the ability of anyone to properly monetize the internet changes constantly, but it makes perfect sense to me that I will always be able to make more pay-per-click revenue for the rest of my life by forsaking my fellow Texans and associating with markets like Starkville and Athens rather than Dallas and Houston.

Now you might hear some rumors that I’m only leaving because I’m jealous of all of the other writers.  NOT TRUE AT ALL!!!!!!  I know that a lot of people like to say (falsely, of course!) that Peter is smarter than me and that 54b is funnier than me and that learned hand is sexier than me and that GhostOfBigRoy’s pinky finger knows more about football than I’ll ever know in my entire lifetime.  I don’t think about any of that. At all.  And, yeah, I know that my signature on my comments says "Peter and 54b and learned hand and GhostOfBigRoy can all go to hell!!!!!", but I wrote that a long, long time ago and that doesn’t mean, of course, that I still have any sort of inferiority complex when I think of their contributions relative to mine.

And I should hasten to add that my decision to leave has nothing to do with any insecurity I might have over Peter’s plans to showcase promising young high school writers on BON.  I know that I would prefer that none of those high school writers should ever be given a forum through which they can demonstrate their talents to the rest of the country, but, again, that’s completely irrelevant in my decision-making process.  And this also has nothing to do with the fact that I thought about doing the same thing myself, but the only place I could find which would agree to distribute my work was Compuserve.  Nope.  Irrelevant considerations all.

So it’s off to Team Speed Kills.  Please, don’t all of you call me at the same time to try and get me to stay! (I’m guessing y’all don’t have my current phone number, right?)  Now, again, some of you might think that this is foolhardy of me to announce my departure and all, given that no one over at Team Speed Kills has ever heard of me and that there might not be a logical spot for me within their efficient, fully-staffed operation. But mere logic has never stopped me before, and it’s not going to stop me this time.  I’m just that awesome.  Of course they’ll find room for me.

So I’m outta here.  Yeah, you’ll still have to deal with me for the next year, but I won’t be passive-aggressive in my comments and postings while I have to stick around these parts.  At all.

ESSS --  EEEE -- CEEEE!!!!!!!!
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