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A Dear John Letter to Texas A&M
by dimecoverage on Sep 1, 2011 9:44 PM CDT
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What is it with guys and bad relationship analogies? I guess if you sat around talking to yourself all day, it would be hard to find a date.
Dear Texas A&M,
We’ve been together a long time, haven’t we? Ever since 1894, when we first got together and I beat you handily 38-0, you’ve had a bit of a chip on your shoulder about me. I always thought your feelings of inadequacy towards me were so adorable that I put up with it, rolling my eyes at your antics as I focused on -great evil coming from the north-my true love rival, the bad, bad boys up north.
Sure, we’ve had some good times. You’ve provided me some great entertainment over the years. My life has been enriched by the hilarious jokes people tell about you (did you hear the one about when your dog drowned after you drove into a lake because you couldn’t get the tailgate down?). You are so chivalrous, defending your holy ground against an evil cheerleader. Your principled adherence to traditions, like having guys like this represent you when most schools go more in this direction, is admirable by some people. On the other hand, you aren’t afraid of flaunting your somewhat unorthodox sexuality, team bonding and extremely happy male students. So you’re maybe a little too fond of nut-squeezing. Don’t let the world tell you it’s wrong if that’s what makes you happy. I’ve stuck by you as you’ve made questionable decisions, just plain stupid choices, gotten yourself into compromising situations, but I can't take it anymore. You still need to learn the basic rules of English grammar and spelling, and I’d prefer you didn’t run my country, but you’ve mostly been harmless through the years.
But lately, it’s gotten to be a bit much. I understand it’s hard for you when I’m making money and getting attention and beating you two out of three times and winning more national championships than you (that one time back in 1939 was impressive though! It really was! Ignore those Trojan naysayers who want to take your one year of glory from you!). It takes someone really secure to not let your partner’s successes hurt your self-esteem. I was a little surprised to find out you are so insecure about this relationship, because if anything you always seemed to suffer from too much self-esteem! Now I find out you’re flirting with rednecks who you think will make you look better in comparison? It’s fine with me, although I hear they cheat and might even beat you up more than I have. You are honest and you don't want to stoop to their...Oh, wait. Just don’t expect to come running back to me for an annual Thanksgiving booty call. I have more class than that. Basically, what I’m saying is we should see other people. Exclusively. It’s not you, it’s me (okay, that’s a lie – it’s totally you). And what the hell is up with the (video-NSFW) sheep fetish anyway?
Yours no longer,
Texas
Composed by LonghornEm, with encouragement from dimecoverage.
All comments, FanPosts, and FanShots are the views of the reader-authors who create them.
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P.S.
Please stop stalking me on Facebook.
3/19/2009 & 12/15/2009 - Games Where Dogus Balbay Made a Three-Pointer. Never Forget.
The sheep video is classic....
Thanks dime.
"We are Texas. We always expect to be the best." - Sam Acho
High-five to dime! This was a joy to write.
Whoever said laughter is the best medicine had clearly never tasted Scotch.
Just awesome.
Great job, ladies. Enjoyed that a lot.
"The only sport that should be cried over is tee ball."
- don't remember who said it, but I like it.
Excellent!
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SECede?....Whoop(s)!!
You know what?
I just want to apologize for this post lingering only in the FanShots for so long. Absolutely front-page material and great work, ladies. Classic even — I’m not sure many people have said it better.
Follow me on Twitter: @GhostofBigRoy
Burnt Orange Nation
by Wescott Eberts (GoBR) on Sep 1, 2011 10:44 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Thank you!
Whoever said laughter is the best medicine had clearly never tasted Scotch.
by LonghornEm on Sep 1, 2011 10:53 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
No. I had to Google to figure out what you meant. But no.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dear_John_letter
Whoever said laughter is the best medicine had clearly never tasted Scotch.
Well done.
That video at the end was tough to watch though…
by Texastriplecrown on Sep 1, 2011 10:53 PM CDT reply actions
Hook 'Em button, can I get a Hook 'Em button please?
Someone please tell Peter to get us a Hook ‘Em Horns button, I’m tired of “Like” I wanna “Hook ’Em”
I bleed the color everyone envies.
by TulsaHorn* on Sep 1, 2011 10:58 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
It's late, so I clicked on zero links,
and it was STILL HILARIOUS! Hook ’Em!
“…and it’s goodbye to A&M…”
BEVO IS ANGRY!
haha
Best thing I’ve read all week. Good job!
formerly "Horns102591"
by horns1025 on Sep 1, 2011 11:21 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
So you're now available for a Thanksgiving booty call is what you're saying?
"History lesson: Everything bad that has happened to Texas has been due to its association with the South. Everything good that has happened to Texas has been due to its association with the West." -- Paul Burka, Senior Executive Editor of Texas Monthly
Depends on who's offering.
Whoever said laughter is the best medicine had clearly never tasted Scotch.
Not a SEC redneck?
"History lesson: Everything bad that has happened to Texas has been due to its association with the South. Everything good that has happened to Texas has been due to its association with the West." -- Paul Burka, Senior Executive Editor of Texas Monthly
by Hopkins Horn on Sep 1, 2011 11:42 PM CDT up reply actions
That excludes you then. You bolted for Team Speed Kills.
Whoever said laughter is the best medicine had clearly never tasted Scotch.
Sigh...
…I’ll just have to settle for an SEC chick after all then.
"History lesson: Everything bad that has happened to Texas has been due to its association with the South. Everything good that has happened to Texas has been due to its association with the West." -- Paul Burka, Senior Executive Editor of Texas Monthly
by Hopkins Horn on Sep 1, 2011 11:48 PM CDT up reply actions
You do realize you had to find a 13-year-old picture to get a hot SEC chick, right?
Whoever said laughter is the best medicine had clearly never tasted Scotch.
by LonghornEm on Sep 1, 2011 11:51 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
You better choose your words wisely...
…unless you want that to be an excuse to post photos from the last 13 years of hot SEC chicks.
Because I will engage.
"History lesson: Everything bad that has happened to Texas has been due to its association with the South. Everything good that has happened to Texas has been due to its association with the West." -- Paul Burka, Senior Executive Editor of Texas Monthly
by Hopkins Horn on Sep 1, 2011 11:55 PM CDT up reply actions
Hey, if you really and truly think SEC chicks are hotter than Texas chicks
you are perfectly entitled to that opinion. Just be prepared for the consequences.
Whoever said laughter is the best medicine had clearly never tasted Scotch.
You're putting words in my mouth!
You’ve just said no Thanksgiving booty call for me, so I’m taking it where I can find it.
"History lesson: Everything bad that has happened to Texas has been due to its association with the South. Everything good that has happened to Texas has been due to its association with the West." -- Paul Burka, Senior Executive Editor of Texas Monthly
by Hopkins Horn on Sep 2, 2011 12:00 AM CDT up reply actions
You still have a shot. Last I heard TSK still hasn't invited you.
Whoever said laughter is the best medicine had clearly never tasted Scotch.
An another SEC chick
The Aggies will looooove the SEC.
SEC- Southern Evangelical Cheaters. Since Jesus didn't specifically mention cheating in football in the New Testament, they are good to go.
Someone pass the mind bleach
Whoever said laughter is the best medicine had clearly never tasted Scotch.
That's what Mike Price said...
Roll Tide (with bleach please)
@longhorn54b
by 54b on Sep 2, 2011 9:21 AM CDT up reply actions
ohhhhhhhh
I believe she consumed all the alcohol I would have had to consume to play wing man….
" Answers --Become Resources."
Without Questions, There are limited Resources...
Sweet Fancy Moses.
Where did,,no,,,I don’t want to know. Sweet Fancy Moses.
If a man is alone in the woods and he speaks, if no one hears him,,is he still wrong?
Now I know what
they mean by “Roll Tide, Roll!” She has at least one roll. Ahh, but to see those cottage-cheese thighs.
GOMER TAPPED OUT !!! GOODBYE GOMER !!!
No no no...
…I’m only settling for SEC chicks because she shot me down cold for the Thanksgiving booty call! Now I’m sad.
"History lesson: Everything bad that has happened to Texas has been due to its association with the South. Everything good that has happened to Texas has been due to its association with the West." -- Paul Burka, Senior Executive Editor of Texas Monthly
Brought that on yourself, brother.
Em is (or at least should be) the official BON Sweetheart. Can’t dis LonghornEm and expect a booty call. I know she likes her cocktails, but she’s got scruples.
For a few precious moments.....I am back in Old Texas, under a high sky, where all things are again possible and the wind blows free - Larry L. King
So rec'd great job ladies....nt
by TowerPower on Sep 2, 2011 1:41 AM CDT via mobile reply actions 1 recs
Woo woo
The links in that second graph were priceless.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. If they get mad, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes.
Epic.
For such a legacy as this, there couldn’t have been a better send off. Well done ’Em and Dime. That was pure.
Great photo montage. Sheep shearing capper was perfect!
Excellent!
Awesome job. Made my morning.
by everything horns on Sep 2, 2011 9:11 AM CDT reply actions
I sent this to an Aggie...
He said the joke’s on me because is name isn’t John.
It’s a good letter, ladies, but I think this goodbye is more like the time you had to take the family dog with food aggression issues to live on a farm because you were worried about it being around the kids.
It didn’t matter how many times you said goodbye or how you said, goodbye, the dog just wasn’t going to understand.
Best just to drop the Aggies off in Lake Charles and don’t look back.
@longhorn54b
by 54b on Sep 2, 2011 9:28 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
can't give you an A
sorry, any Dear John letter to the aggie that does not include this youtube winner can’t get an A.(you do get a B +++++++)
It is only when the aggie believes they are being talented and impressive that the real fun comes out. These guys were actually proud here.
May the SEC forever be blessed if they do accept them. Watch this vid and see if you want them in YOUR conference
I almost included that video, but it was just too pathetic.
SEC- Southern Evangelical Cheaters. Since Jesus didn't specifically mention cheating in football in the New Testament, they are good to go.
by dimecoverage on Sep 2, 2011 11:23 AM CDT up reply actions
My attention span is not near long enough to sit through 11 minutes
But what I watched was absolutely painful.
Whoever said laughter is the best medicine had clearly never tasted Scotch.
That almost makes the allthesoonerfans video seem tolerable
Greg Davis haikus; a lot like his offenses; always go sideways.
by pleaseplaykindle on Sep 2, 2011 3:05 PM CDT up reply actions
WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CANNOT BE UNSEEN
Unfortunately…..
On the other hand, the resulting nausea will help me stick to my diet.
"You may all go to Hell, and I will go to Texas."~~ Davy Crockett
Holy Crap Dime...You out did yourself
BUT….a Warning on that sheep video would have been nice. I had my sound on mute and turned it on midway to have it blarring some very inappropriate things in the office. Damn…they all think I’m an aggie sheep lover now!!
A&M: Ready,Set, Go.....
That’s why there is a (video-NSFW) right before the link. :-)
SEC- Southern Evangelical Cheaters. Since Jesus didn't specifically mention cheating in football in the New Testament, they are good to go.
Not Suitable for Work.
There is so much beauty because life can be so symmetrical that it gives birth to this almost silent poetry . . . (like) a girl who's terrible at grammar saying, "Mama, you raised me good," and then being pushed down a well . . .
Great metaphorical satire, but I must vehemently objection to the sheep video!
I found the sheep video to be quite disturbing and offensive both anatomically and materially: first, that animal was clearly a ewe, not a ram; second, wool (not cotton) is the product of shearing. Thus, the sheep’s reference to it’s physical manifestation of arousal is absurd!
But the rest of the letter (and video) it was hi-larious!
Maybe we can add Colorado State to the conference?
Hook ’em,
BO&B
by BurntOrange&Blue on Sep 2, 2011 6:27 PM CDT up reply actions
Is there a way to post a picture from "my documents"
Or do I have to post it from an online site?
Thanks
I was stuck in NY during the hurricane and went to a county fair. If aggies saw the sheep I did they would be in the Big East by now. I have some pics to share.
A&M: Ready,Set, Go.....
It has be on a server somewhere and you can link to the image. Flickr gives free accounts.
SEC- Southern Evangelical Cheaters. Since Jesus didn't specifically mention cheating in football in the New Testament, they are good to go.
You might want to rephrase
If aggies saw the sheep I did…
Unless… nevermind.
lol
Believe me, my friends were very irritated with me over my enthusiasm and insistence to take photos of sheep.
A&M: Ready,Set, Go.....
I used imageshack, but not sure which to copy...losing its funny now
<img src="[URL=http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/685/sheepsheering.jpg/][IMG]http://img685.imageshack.us/img685/4193/sheepsheering.th.jpg[/IMG][/URL]"/>
A&M: Ready,Set, Go.....
The 9 minute to the 10 minute mark is the BEST part of that video Longhorn723 posted.
Haha! Yea we know what ya meant Wrangler!
Screw You...We're From Texas
Ewe can imagine my excitement at the fair
There were just so many easy aggie targets. I was like a kid in a candy store.
A&M: Ready,Set, Go.....
Awesome Dime
Truly awesome. Ahhhh, College Station – where the men are men & the sheep are smiling!
GOMER TAPPED OUT !!! GOODBYE GOMER !!!
A&M
Maybe if the Aggies join the SEC that the SEC will require them to get Female football cheerleaders. That might be a requirement from the other SEC schools. If so, they will se a closed door saying “Members Only.” lol
Conspiracy Theory
Maybe A&M wanted to bolt when they did because Texas A&M has won 2 out of the last 4 in Austin and they don’t know when they will be able to do that again. They want to end on a high, especially winning the last game in Austin.
by Ryan2907 on Sep 6, 2011 7:35 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
It took me forever to check out every link
But so worth it!
"I refuse to write on the chalkboard because I refuse to rock chalk, at all times." -The Forum
The user formerly known as EMAWrising
goodbye letter to aggy
Great work.You could not make up the photos and yet aggy has no idea why everyone laughs at them. HOOK`EM
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