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BYU Game as "Texts from Last Night"

As a young attorney, I'm still pretty new to the professional workforce. In fact, I've only been at my office for a couple of months. Until this past week, I've never experienced the scenario in which one of my coworkers went to a school that was playing Texas in football. Like everyone else, I've dealt with football games against the schools of my friends, law school classmates, and even some of my relatives. But this was different. This felt more formal. Something had to be done. And, after a brief conversation, something *was* done. We made a bet. The loser would have to place a helmet of the winning team on their desk for a week. Everything seemed simple enough. But, as Lord Tennyson once said, "this [bet] ought to have been simple, but the lawyers have made it complicated."

As word of the bet got around, others wanted to get a piece of the action. Considering my position carefully, I decided to ask myself what 54b would do and then follow his lead. So, as the week went on, I bet bigger and bigger. Money was never involved, but something far more important was at stake...pride. With absolutely no real confidence that Texas was going to win the game--to me, it seemed like a real coin-flip--I wound up agreeing to bets that would be pretty obnoxious if we lost. But we didn't lose. We won. We won by a single, glorious point. Which is why one of my coworkers will be walking around the office tomorrow with a gigantic UT flag draped over his shoulders. Hey, as 54b says (or should say), it isn't a *real* bet until somebody is getting naked, getting drunk, or wearing a cape.

Anyways, after the jump, and in the spirit of textsfromlastnight.com, I wanted to share some of my text conversations during the game with the BON Community...as always, a few of these entries were contributed by other BON authors.

Star-divide

(xxx): Are we going to win?

(xxx): Maybe.

(xxx): Are you going to work on Monday if we dont?

(xxx): Maybe.

(xxx): What is the TV broadcast saying about the crowd?

(xxx): Not much. Talking about the heat mostly.

(xxx): We just learned BYU drank pickle juice and Texas ate gummi bears.

(xxx): ....

(xxx): Man, they just showed the lowlight package of the 2010 season. That was soul-crushing.

(xxx): Did they show clips from the ISU loss?

(xxx): They showed it all.

(xxx): Did you know that Bevo likes hay?

(xxx): I cant even imagine how much I'm going to hate that commercial in another two months.

(xxx): DBU is making us look pretty bad, so far.

(xxx): DBU?

(xxx): Sorry, my phone is stupid.

(xxx): Although...BYU does have two picks already.

(xxx): Ummm...do you think most Texas fans were taking BYU lightly this week?

(xxx): Absolutely not. In fact, most of my friends were openly predicting a loss.

(xxx): We're getting outplayed so far. Straight up.

(xxx): Should have drank pickle juice instead of eating those gummi bears

(xxx): Can you hear the booing?

(xxx): Yes. Tell those idiots around you to shut the (heck) up.

(xxx): This booing is (ridiculous).

(xxx): Yup. Tell those idiots around you to shut the (heck) up.

(xxx): Why are people booing?

(xxx): I dont know. Someone needs to tell those idiots around you to shut the (heck) up.

(xxx): Was the illegal substitution penalty for using Case McCoy instead of David Ash?

(xxx): 88 yards of offense in the first half tonight. Eighty-eight.

(xxx): We'll see how Harsin adjusts. Remember what LonghornScott says about him. Diagnosis and prescription.

(xxx): Malcolm Brown is so much better than Fozzy

(xxx): It's not even close.

(xxx): Sad part is the muppet is a senior.


(xxx): How much to get Mr. and Mrs. Shipley back in the bedroom?


(xxx): Jaxon and Jordan need to have lots of kids.

(xxx): For sure. In fact, Jaxon needs to go the Aaron Ross route and marry a sprinter.


(xxx): Wait...are we actually going to win this thing?


(xxx): The D is just KILLING them in the second half

(xxx): Yeah, our coordinators have been pretty awesome this half.


(xxx): Getting a tick too conservative here (Ed. Note: This was immediately followed by the Shipley pass to Ash)

(xxx): Haha. Never mind. Well played, Harsin. I shan't disparage you again.


(xxx): I love Ashlewhite.

(xxx): Do we call this the C-ash offense?

(xxx): Well, only if you're saying that the running game has been money...

(xxx): We're officially running the McAsh offense designed by Harsinwhite

(xxx): We're gonna win with it, too.

(xxx): Man, that was truly pulling victory from the jaws of defeat

(xxx): Or, stated another way, that was exactly the opposite of last year.

(xxx): BYU fans kick the nice out of Nebraska fans by a mile

(xxx): Ash has 36 yards rushing, 23 yards receiving, and....35 yards passing.

(xxx): And we needed every single one of them.

(xxx): So, who starts at QB in Week 3?

(xxx): McAsh.

(xxx): Texas Longhorns - 2013 National Champions


As always, feel free to contribute your own conversations below...

Hook 'Em!

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How Can We Finish Well?

Nov 2011 from Barking Carnival - 109 comments

Comments

Display:

Right after Case rolled left, then right, then left:

(xxx): What the hell is Case doing?
(xxx): Case is being Case trying to be Colt.

Greg Davis haikus; a lot like his offenses; always go sideways.

by pleaseplaykindle on Sep 13, 2011 12:13 AM CDT reply actions  

tired of everyone talking about 2013

let’s just win it all next year. no reason to wait 2.

by Timmy Teat on Sep 13, 2011 2:16 AM CDT reply actions  

I read that as ...

winners of the NC game played in January 2013. Having said that, I am going to enjoy every minute of watching this team. To paraphrase Robert Smith, do not rush to the end. Let’s enjoy the road.

by Cuernos on Sep 13, 2011 4:57 PM CDT up reply actions  

Pretty sure that JD can be swiped by the LDS for that gameday bet; hope he's a parallegal.

That bet was about as intriguing as the game. Horns, the losses are about to pile up faster than you could ever imagine. UCLA will beat the piss out of you faster than a couple adderall during final exam week. Seriously, y’all are horrid and I love watching the spin zone with this quarterback love triangle. “The New Horn Era Begins” … ahahahaha, welcome to five years of mediocrity and a dose of reality folks.

by Darrow12 on Sep 13, 2011 2:21 AM CDT reply actions  

awww little Aggie trolling again?

sorry but A&M may have a bad year and then 5 years of mediocrity but this Texas team wont sorry our program doesnt embrace the suck like yours has the last decade

formerly "Horns102591"

by horns1025 on Sep 13, 2011 4:42 AM CDT up reply actions  

Uh huh

Texas got ripped by OU in 2003 (what was it…65-13? Shudder) and won the national championship two seasons later. Aggy gets ass-thrashed (regularly in the last 10+ years…pick one) and they curl up in a ball and die. Last year sucked, this year could, but we’ll be back…and soon.

We're going to play like we're in a bad mood.

by JoeT63 on Sep 13, 2011 6:27 AM CDT up reply actions  

That's an easy rec

Whoever said laughter is the best medicine had clearly never tasted Scotch.

by LonghornEm on Sep 13, 2011 9:23 AM CDT up reply actions  

You read that in David Allan Coe's voice, didn' you?

There is so much beauty because life can be so symmetrical that it gives birth to this almost silent poetry . . . (like) a girl who's terrible at grammar saying, "Mama, you raised me good," and then being pushed down a well . . .

by lnghrn53 on Sep 13, 2011 9:38 AM CDT up reply actions  

Absolutely.

Whoever said laughter is the best medicine had clearly never tasted Scotch.

by LonghornEm on Sep 13, 2011 12:27 PM CDT up reply actions  

You're an Aggie

A whole genre of jokes is about you second rate Nazis

by 2th DK on Sep 13, 2011 11:00 AM CDT up reply actions  

Best part
(xxx): Can you hear the booing?

(xxx): Yes. Tell those idiots around you to shut the f**k up.

 

(xxx): This booing is bullsh*t.

(xxx): Yup. Tell those idiots around you to shut the f**k up.

 

(xxx): Why are people booing?

(xxx): I dont know. Someone needs to tell those idiots around you to shut the f**k up.

by Beergut on Sep 13, 2011 2:53 AM CDT reply actions  

Best? Why?

SEC- Southern Evangelical Cheaters. Since Jesus didn't specifically mention cheating in football in the New Testament, they are good to go.

by dimecoverage on Sep 13, 2011 8:06 AM CDT up reply actions  

It had “Yup” in it, and Agsy confused it with “Whoop”

by 2th DK on Sep 13, 2011 11:01 AM CDT up reply actions  

Good to know some Aggies find booing either coaches or players unacceptable.

SEC- Southern Evangelical Cheaters. Since Jesus didn't specifically mention cheating in football in the New Testament, they are good to go.

by dimecoverage on Sep 14, 2011 8:45 AM CDT up reply actions  

Go ahead--count us out already

Sure, Texas has not put the fear of God and the wrath of the devil so far. But they have done is set a pretty good example with which to prepare for the next opponent and only the next opponent. Other than the usual gibberish, there’s been no talk of the upcoming Texas-Texas North (read Chokelahoma, considering how many of their key players hail from here) game; heck, we’ve barely heard any talk of substance about UCLA. And that tells me this team has a lot more focus than last year and is not having to carry the added burden of unending stress regarding the potential outcome of future games. That, IMHO, is and will continue to work for Texas.

1) Yes, we most definitely are a work in progress (and consider the progress from game 1 to game 2), a young and mistake-prone team dealing with the ghosts of 2010 and a completely different system on both sides of the ball.

2) We don’t have those 1 or 2 ‘it’ guys as we’ve had in the past (YET) ., but some very obvious additional evidence is popping up here and there, little flashes of brilliance that, with hard work, good attitude and whole bunch of guys completely buying into the new systems and learning the finesse part of the project, will become the 20011.2 version, the 1011.3, etc., version of what Texas can and is perennially expected to be

3) And we don’t (YET) have a truly dominating defensive unit that’s scaring opponents into shite-ing their shorts in anticipation, fearful of the beat-down they are about to experience.

So with that said, feel free,, our Texas opponents ,, to chalk up a win now. Why wait for the actual game; kick back and enjoy the fruits of your labor while we while away the hours on the practice fields, weight/training rooms and in film study rooms because we know we have several mountains to climb.

We Longhorns and Longhorn fans really hope you do. That just makes a really, really tough job just a really tough job—and that’s the way we like it.

by Rodney Burgess on Sep 13, 2011 5:45 AM CDT reply actions  

I don't know about you

but Jaxon’s getting pretty close to that “it” level.

TEXAS FIGHT

by Darklust on Sep 13, 2011 11:48 AM CDT up reply actions  

I decided to ask myself what 54b would do and then follow his lead.

So you left him an upper decker?

You have been issued a warning.
graphic and completely out-of-context lynching photos are completely out-of-bounds
In order to continue participating on Burnt Orange Nation you must acknowledge your warning by pressing the OK button below.

by run Bevo run on Sep 13, 2011 7:48 AM CDT reply actions  

Let The Record Speak For Itself

Texas Agricultural & Mechanical College Football Program
All-time record 674–443–48 (.599)
Postseason bowl record 13–18–0 (.419)

The University of Texas Footbal Program
All-time record 850–325–33 (.717)
Postseason bowl record 25–22–2 (.541)

by DudeAbide on Sep 13, 2011 9:06 AM CDT reply actions  

A couple from the game

(buff fan): So when the mccoys an shipleys run out of kids, is that when brown gets fired?
(me): Why do you think we spend so much on genetic research? So we can make more.

(wife after game): Yay!! Sad Mormons :(

by Wells on Sep 13, 2011 9:24 AM CDT via mobile reply actions  

I skipped the game to babysit wildfires...

…but I got to watch and text with my dad.

(dad): I hope we look better on TV.
(me: We’ve run 9 plays. We have 8 yards of offense.

(dad): Every time Malcolm Brown touches the ball he does something good. So we sit him.
(dad): Are the announcers raping us?

(me): I changed shirts at halftime…and moved to a different chair. You can thank me later.
(me): I should’ve come to the game…I just had Frosted Mini Wheats and chili con queso for dinner.

If the world was a school, we'd be homecoming king...

by adt2 on Sep 13, 2011 10:18 AM CDT reply actions  

WW54bD Leather Bracelets Coming Soon!

Solid bet…shame will always be more satisfying than money and wearing a cape in a law firm should be pretty fun. Bonus if he has to go to court. I’d make him guzzle a 5-hour too (that’s like Crack to a Mormon).

@longhorn54b

by 54b on Sep 13, 2011 10:23 AM CDT reply actions  

You've convinced me

When I start my career as an attorney I’m always going to wear a cape.

There is so much beauty because life can be so symmetrical that it gives birth to this almost silent poetry . . . (like) a girl who's terrible at grammar saying, "Mama, you raised me good," and then being pushed down a well . . .

by lnghrn53 on Sep 13, 2011 10:23 AM CDT up reply actions  

Don't forget to make your paralegal follow you at all times with an old school jam box too.

Every good hero (even lawyers) has theme music…I’d recommend the first 20 seconds or so of Driving and Crying’s Fly Me Courageous

Either that or the Superman song by Five For Fighting.

Hey, sometimes you’re just in the mood for a ballad.

@longhorn54b

by 54b on Sep 13, 2011 10:31 AM CDT up reply actions  

No way.

This. End of story

There is so much beauty because life can be so symmetrical that it gives birth to this almost silent poetry . . . (like) a girl who's terrible at grammar saying, "Mama, you raised me good," and then being pushed down a well . . .

by lnghrn53 on Sep 13, 2011 10:34 AM CDT up reply actions  

Also, everytime I hear that song, I can't take it seriously.

All I cant think about is Bird Plane by The Axis of Awesome

I’m more than a bird, I’m more than a plane…I’m a BIRD PLANE!

There is so much beauty because life can be so symmetrical that it gives birth to this almost silent poetry . . . (like) a girl who's terrible at grammar saying, "Mama, you raised me good," and then being pushed down a well . . .

by lnghrn53 on Sep 13, 2011 10:38 AM CDT up reply actions  

That reminded me of...

“He looked more like a plane than a ship on that play.”

UGGGHHHHH.

by burnt40 on Sep 13, 2011 12:49 PM CDT up reply actions  

Rocketship.

There is so much beauty because life can be so symmetrical that it gives birth to this almost silent poetry . . . (like) a girl who's terrible at grammar saying, "Mama, you raised me good," and then being pushed down a well . . .

by lnghrn53 on Sep 13, 2011 12:51 PM CDT up reply actions  

Costanza

What is a man in a cape doing with my father?
What is my father doing with a man in a cape?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDbN9TZqFcg

Greg Davis haikus; a lot like his offenses; always go sideways.

by pleaseplaykindle on Sep 13, 2011 10:25 AM CDT up reply actions  

You have no eye for fashion

(loved that part of the episode)

QB Garrett Gilbert was the Beavis & Butthead episode of the 2010 college football season. Even when things were going well there was always one bad decision that meant he wasn’t going to score.
http://cfn.scout.com/2/1070636.html

by burntorangehorn on Sep 13, 2011 10:42 AM CDT up reply actions  

Early in the 2nd half.

(me): I just saw a running game! Is that legal!?!
(xx) : Issa game b***hes. Blocking so far is a 180 from 1st half.
(me): We. Got. This. Golden tablets my *ss.

by wtfbbqz on Sep 13, 2011 2:46 PM CDT reply actions  

me: "Sorry, the guys won't let anyone back inside the pavilion until some ppl come out"

The gf: “WTF? I thought you just went for a beer? Hope you get here before the Black Keys start.”

QB Garrett Gilbert was the Beavis & Butthead episode of the 2010 college football season. Even when things were going well there was always one bad decision that meant he wasn’t going to score.
http://cfn.scout.com/2/1070636.html

by burntorangehorn on Sep 13, 2011 7:55 PM CDT reply actions  

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