Fun Facts About ISU Quarterback Steele Jantz
by 54b on Sep 29, 2011 4:54 PM CDT
in Texas Longhorns Football
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PrintEditor's Note: Amusingly, 54b came up with this post without knowing that our friends over at the hilarious and irreverent Iowa State blog Wide RIght & Natty Lite have been doing Steele Jantz Facts for the past couple weeks, as well. This is a great time to note that they've migrated their hilarity over to SB Nation. Head on over to WR&NL and enjoy the ruckus. --PB--
In honor of UT's upcoming game against undefeated Iowa State and the Cyclone's Tim-Tebow-esque signal caller, I thought it only appropriate that we get to know Steele Jantz a little better.
Did you know that...
Steele Jantz entered his name into the Porn Star Name Generator and it came back, Steele Jantz.
Chuck Neinas sends Steele Jantz a cookie bouquet every day hoping he'll stay in the Big XII.
Steele Jantz farts magic tornados.
"If you build it, he will come" actually refers to ISU's new Jumbotron and Steele Jantz.
Steele Jantz has his own show on the Longhorn Network.
Erin Andrews won't interview Steele Jantz because he makes her look like Shelley Smith.
More after the jump...
Foster the people better outrun Steele
After the entire ISU team got free Steele Jantz tattoos, the NCAA put itself on probation.
Steele Jantz's replica red and yellow football jersey comes with fries and a medium Coke.
The Big 10 changed the names of its two divisions from Legends and Leaders to Steele and Jantz. (hat tip, Jeff)
The committee voted to give Reggie Bush's Heisman Trophy to Steele Jantz.
Steele Jantz already won the Iowa Primary...both caucuses.
A&M went to the SEC because Steele Jantz wore a steel wool blazer to Big XII Media Day.
Steele Jantz told the equipment manager that he was not a fan of "red socks" in early September...coincidence, not likely.
The Pac 12 will not take Oklahoma without Steele Jantz.
Steele Jantz made Demi Moore actually consider marrying another guy from Iowa.
Tim Tebow's accuracy improved after he put on a What Would Steele Jantz Do bracelet.
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Would explain the mythical glow.
If you watch "The Lord of the Rings" backwards it's about this little dude that finds a really cool ring in a volcano and spends the rest of the three movies walking home.
Actually, Joe Parker
You have been issued a warning.
graphic and completely out-of-context lynching photos are completely out-of-bounds
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by run Bevo run on Sep 29, 2011 5:43 PM CDT up reply actions
When the name Steele Jantz was added to the Heisman ballot
All the other players immediately withdrew from the competition.
We're Texas, We're not OK.
Wide Right Natty Lite has the facts.
SEC- Southern Evangelical Cheaters. Since Jesus didn't specifically mention cheating in football in the New Testament, they are good to go.
Their facts are lacking compared to yours. :-)
SEC- Southern Evangelical Cheaters. Since Jesus didn't specifically mention cheating in football in the New Testament, they are good to go.
by dimecoverage on Sep 29, 2011 5:45 PM CDT up reply actions
Sigh. I think it's safe to retire the "Joe Parker" thing.
It wasn’t that funny when Joe Parker did it.
To err is human...but humans have such low standards.
Perhaps you could provide an itemized list of things you find funny so we can appease you
Or you could find a dildo, and put it in your own asshole.
You have been issued a warning.
graphic and completely out-of-context lynching photos are completely out-of-bounds
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by run Bevo run on Sep 29, 2011 10:04 PM CDT up reply actions
A guy I went to Art School with at UT in the 80's
he used to (still does?) like to have sex with women while they put dildos in his asshole. I’m just sayin’.
Fuck you. We're Texas!
Reminds me of The Office (US) quote.
Angela: Standard! You know, nothing fancy.
Andy: So like, missionary…
Angela: I said nothing fancy.
You have been issued a warning.
graphic and completely out-of-context lynching photos are completely out-of-bounds
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by run Bevo run on Sep 30, 2011 8:44 AM CDT up reply actions
Joe Parker
The mix between “Most Interesting Man in the World” and Chuck Norris would be Steele Jantz
Joe "Effing" Parker
Steele Jantz has thrown more TD's than incompletions...
…to himself
by BurntOrangeForever on Sep 29, 2011 5:34 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
No, Chuck Norris is the Steele Jantz of Hollywood.
@longhorn54b
by 54b on Sep 29, 2011 5:50 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
how can we possibly defeat a team that has Steele Jantz?
surely he counts as an unfair advantage
formerly "Horns102591"
Iowa corn farmers set up a "Steele Jantz" in their fields...
…to attract the ladies, of course.
The most interesting man in the world doesnt always watch football, But when he does he watches Steel Jantz
B46 > *Enter Suck's Name here*
The aggies were so excited at their press conference because...
they thought it meant they could start competing in the $EC that day.
Then Steele Jantz called them and told them they had to finish out the year in the Big XII, and everybody in College Station pissed themselves.
To err is human...but humans have such low standards.
You really Steeled the Jantz out of this post.
Nice work.
Greg Davis haikus; a lot like his offenses; always go sideways.
by pleaseplaykindle on Sep 29, 2011 6:34 PM CDT reply actions
Steele Jantz invented the space-time continuum.
Before that there was just a hodge-podge.
To err is human...but humans have such low standards.
Bruce Willis didn't save the Earth
The asteroid saw Steele Jantz and blew itself up.
Who are you?!
I'm Kick Ass!
If Steele Jantz ran for president
everyone would drop out and both parties would nominate him.
Auburn offered Steele Jantz "Cam" money
But he only accepts gold bars
When Steele Jantz goes to Seaworld, all the water creatures stop swimming!
He’s that powerful, folks!
Steele Jantz is some alien kid's avatar!
I swear it! ….
Dating
Steele Jantz doesn’t date the ISU cheerleaders. He just says “Now.”
by ChampionshipHunter on Sep 29, 2011 8:41 PM CDT reply actions
Well now you've done it, 54b...
I’m going to have to go all Baylor and sue the shit out of you.
USC knockoff uniforms, none of the results (including probation)
Wide Right & Natty Lite | @widertnattylt
Something tells me Chuck Norris will have both our asses in a sling long before you sue me for stealing his meme.
BTW, your weekend guide to Ames is great, but it looks familiar…what or who inspired you to give road trip travel tips?
@longhorn54b
Some dick.
Probably wears a lot of burnt orange.
USC knockoff uniforms, none of the results (including probation)
Wide Right & Natty Lite | @widertnattylt
"Blew Steele"
bring a friend or two to help you cup the balls …
just because I rock, doesn't mean I'm made of stone.
This could be a great signature.
I’m going to have to go all Baylor and sue the shit out of you.
The web site is great reading.
SEC- Southern Evangelical Cheaters. Since Jesus didn't specifically mention cheating in football in the New Testament, they are good to go.
by dimecoverage on Sep 30, 2011 11:32 AM CDT up reply actions
Tim Tebow
wears Steele Jantz pajamas.
Run like you stole somethin'
by PiedAfried on Sep 29, 2011 10:25 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
The Jedi Academy called.....They want their Jantz back!
Sorry, my young Padawan!
you bastard
I’ve been trying to think these up for days and you go and beat me at my own game.
just because I rock, doesn't mean I'm made of stone.
oh, and Steele Jantz fact #103
Steele Jantz is the reason for the season.
just because I rock, doesn't mean I'm made of stone.
I wish I could take credit, but the facts wrote themselves...
because Steele Jantz told them to.
BTW, Steele Jantz gets more hair action than Joe Mauer and uses Troy Polamalu’s head as a loofah.
@longhorn54b
With a wicked stare, Steele Jantz will make Aggie yell leaders shut up with fear!
…and they will LIKE it!…..
ISU is going to get flagged
For having too many Steele Jantz on the field.
Steele Jantz doesn't sign autographs.........only chick's asses!
… with a huge SLAP! for good measure….
Those aren't towels twirling in the stands! They're chicks' panties flying at Jantz on the sideline!!!
…with their phone #’s on ’em!! (Guys, check your girls before leaving the stadium)
Steele Jantz
blows bubbles with beef jerky.
by Infield Elephant on Sep 30, 2011 9:27 AM CDT reply actions
Steele Jantz
can slam a revolving door. He can also strangle you with a cordless phone…
" Answers --Become Resources."
Without Questions, There are limited Resources...
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