Okay, okay, I know I went 5-7 picking Texas games straight up last season. It happens. But look what I tweeted the Wednesday before the Rice game last week....
@longhorn54b: "Unbeknownst to most UT fans, LHN launched yesterday and Texas beat Rice 33-13; Gilbert was workmanlike: 18-27, 263 yds, 2 TDs, 0 ints"
Actual line: Texas 34, Rice 9; Gilbert 13-23, 239 yds, 1 TD, 0 Ints.
I'm back, baby! Oh yeah, I was feelin' it. You usually can't get that kind of clairvoyance without a Magic 8 Ball and some street drugs. I was in the BON zone for sure. And if you'd been following me on twitter religiously, you would have known this and wouldn't have been so concerned about having to pirate LHN.
Hey, don't bust balls. You have no one to blame but ignorance and awesomeness.
Fortunately for the incredulous but easily swayed masses, I'm willing to overlook what can only be construed as a social faux pas on my social media self-esteem and try to share my gift of speculation with you once again.
So just who will win when Bevo tussles with BYU?
I'm glad you didn't ask.
Because for that capricious prognostication, it's time once again for the always unbiased, unabated, unabridged, unethical, uneducated, and always uncensored...
Everything I know about Brigham Young University I learned from Jim McMahon, Kirk Cameron and select episodes of HBO's critically acclaimed series, Big Love, which, coincidentally, is also a show about Mormons and Cougars. Sister Cougars. Reoowww!
So, yeah, I'm pretty much an expert on all things BYU. In fact, Deloss called me and was like, "54b, if A&M ever shuts up long enough to actually leave the conference, do you think BYU would be a good replacement?" I said, "I don't see why not, it would be like trading one religious cult for another. And Baylor might actually start looking normal."
As for the prowess of BYU's football team, I have no idea how many returning starters they have or if they run the 3-4 of 5-2 stack defense or why Steve Young's haircut is forever stuck in 1989. But I do know this, I went on a date with a girl from BYU when I was in school and she was really hot and really cool. Though I did have this odd exchange with, well, let's just call her Marybeth...
54b: "So I hear Mormons wear magic underwear. What's up with that?"
Mb: "Um, yeah, no, not exactly. It's not what your thinkin..."
54b: "No, it's cool. I dig it. I wear magic drawers too."
Mb: "Really? I thought you said you don't wear underwear."
Stormin' Mormons: 16
PS. If you found any of the above offensive, my apologies. I assure you it was all in jest.