54b's Unpredictable Prediction - BYU Game
by 54b on Sep 9, 2011 12:58 PM CDT
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PrintOkay, okay, I know I went 5-7 picking Texas games straight up last season. It happens. But look what I tweeted the Wednesday before the Rice game last week....
@longhorn54b: "Unbeknownst to most UT fans, LHN launched yesterday and Texas beat Rice 33-13; Gilbert was workmanlike: 18-27, 263 yds, 2 TDs, 0 ints"
Actual line: Texas 34, Rice 9; Gilbert 13-23, 239 yds, 1 TD, 0 Ints.
I'm back, baby! Oh yeah, I was feelin' it. You usually can't get that kind of clairvoyance without a Magic 8 Ball and some street drugs. I was in the BON zone for sure. And if you'd been following me on twitter religiously, you would have known this and wouldn't have been so concerned about having to pirate LHN.
Hey, don't bust balls. You have no one to blame but ignorance and awesomeness.
Fortunately for the incredulous but easily swayed masses, I'm willing to overlook what can only be construed as a social faux pas on my social media self-esteem and try to share my gift of speculation with you once again.
So just who will win when Bevo tussles with BYU?
I'm glad you didn't ask.
Because for that capricious prognostication, it's time once again for the always unbiased, unabated, unabridged, unethical, uneducated, and always uncensored...
UNPREDICTABLE PREDICTION
Everything I know about Brigham Young University I learned from Jim McMahon, Kirk Cameron and select episodes of HBO's critically acclaimed series, Big Love, which, coincidentally, is also a show about Mormons and Cougars. Sister Cougars. Reoowww!
So, yeah, I'm pretty much an expert on all things BYU. In fact, Deloss called me and was like, "54b, if A&M ever shuts up long enough to actually leave the conference, do you think BYU would be a good replacement?" I said, "I don't see why not, it would be like trading one religious cult for another. And Baylor might actually start looking normal."
As for the prowess of BYU's football team, I have no idea how many returning starters they have or if they run the 3-4 of 5-2 stack defense or why Steve Young's haircut is forever stuck in 1989. But I do know this, I went on a date with a girl from BYU when I was in school and she was really hot and really cool. Though I did have this odd exchange with, well, let's just call her Marybeth...
54b: "So I hear Mormons wear magic underwear. What's up with that?"
Mb: "Um, yeah, no, not exactly. It's not what your thinkin..."
54b: "No, it's cool. I dig it. I wear magic drawers too."
Mb: "Really? I thought you said you don't wear underwear."
54b: "Presto!"
Texas: 27
Stormin' Mormons: 16
54b
@longhorn54b
PS. If you found any of the above offensive, my apologies. I assure you it was all in jest.
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it would be like trading one religious cult for another
Priceless.
Because being a Texas fan means never having to say you're sorry.
by dukeoforange on Sep 9, 2011 1:11 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
pure awesomeness..
definately not from the white lockeroom these days… full fledged orange lockeroom material…
Now that was workmanlike. Hey magic man, stick to funny man in peanut gallery as the suit fits more better.
Burnt Orange Nation
Follow Along on Twitter @TXStampede
Sir, I am what is known as a BONaissance Man...
equally adept in the worlds of comedy and academia. I also dabble in the market, play squash competitively and can pair wine with most any Icelandic dishes.
So I’ll thank you to keep your opinions purely professional and only use italics when appropriate. It’s not a toy. Somebody could get hurt
@longhorn54b
by 54b on Sep 9, 2011 2:26 PM CDT up reply actions
Ha. Have fun tomorrow and don't lick the swizzle sticks.
Burnt Orange Nation
Follow Along on Twitter @TXStampede
I was offended
by your gratuitous insult to Magic 8 Ball users. Just another disguised dig at GDGD?
Oh, and if Baylor ever starts looking normal, you know you are a sick puppy and need to seek professional help.
.
by Longhorn in Canada on Sep 9, 2011 1:50 PM CDT reply actions
Great Post!
I advised my wife that I needed to find a second wife to take to the game so as to make my BYU friends feel comfortable in Austin. All about bringing back the “Texas Fans Make us Texas Proud” slogan again!
by texascfo on Sep 9, 2011 2:36 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
With ya
I wanted to wear a throwback Steve Young #8 BYU jersey with the name Big Love on the back while walking arm and arm to the game with like seven chicks that look like they shop in the below the ankle skirt section at Shepplers.
It would be like that scene with Decaprio and the flight attendants waling thru the airport in Catch Me If You Can.
Wife wasn’t going for it. I don’t think she cares for Steve Young.
@longhorn54b
by 54b on Sep 9, 2011 3:18 PM CDT up reply actions
54b
…do you write professionally or do you just come out to play when the neighbors come knocking?
always a delight
PB pays me in deep tissue massages and hand written thank you notes.
Appreciate ya…afraid it’s just a hobby.
@longhorn54b
by 54b on Sep 9, 2011 3:22 PM CDT up reply actions
That's probably because I like to watch porn on my roof.
@longhorn54b
by 54b on Sep 9, 2011 3:23 PM CDT up reply actions
Okay, I'm beginning to wonder about you, 54.
References to drugs, internet piracy, parapsychology, the Mormon cult, polygamy, deep man-on-man massage, porn, and goin’ commando – all in the same thread. This is sports journalism, at it’s finest.
My favorite BON writer
I woke the wife up from her post-work nap laughing at the sublime “Presto!”
Texas 27 sounds right, but I think BYU against our young defense score another TD for 23.
Banned. nt whills
75-37-5. Now GTFO.
by Peter Bean on Sep 9, 2011 7:10 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
From a Mormon.
ROFL, That was halarious. As a BYU student, I can tell you that we are all excited and scared by the opportunity to face the Longhorns. If our D plays like they did against Ole Miss, and if our Offense gets over the jitters that they had, we’ll have a shot. If not, we’ll BE shot.
Good luck!
P.S. Not offended, except mockingly by the idea that “Big Love” has ANYTHING to do with real life. Sorry, none of us are allowed to marry more than one woman at a time…
Let me rephrase for romebig
“we are all excited and anxious, nervous, and antsy by the opportunity to face the Longhorns.”
To say we are scared is a bit of a stretch. That is not to say that we all think we are going to win easily or win at all for that matter. It’s more that this game is so wide open it’s really hard to peg a clear favorite. So far the line favors UT but it’s really just the home field advantage that gives the slight edge in Vegas to the Horns.
This is more of a statement game for BYU than anything else. Win and we have some serious potential to finish undefeated. Lose and our confidence and season are shot and we hobble to a 9-4 season. Make no mistake about it this is the biggest game of the year for BYU.
by vaughnzipper on Sep 10, 2011 3:25 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh yeah, and Kirk Cameron ain't a Mormon.
I agree that this game is unpredictable. Our defense seems much better than it was last year, but it looks like Jake Heaps has a case of nervousness like last year. Win or lose, I hope we give you a good game.
The Kirk Cameron reference has to do with an anti-mormon video he produced
The guy he did the video with looks like Sonny Bono circa 1970. Couple of kooks.
You can see the video here
by vaughnzipper on Sep 10, 2011 3:17 PM CDT up reply actions
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