FanPost

A Hate Week Historical Journey. Alternatively: Why OU Always Sucks


Ever since the creation of the universe when the first atoms were slamming against one another to create the vast expansion in which we live there has been one undeniable truth that has permeated the very existence of the cosmos. That truth is simply that OU did, does, and always will suck. On the surface it seems like a simple mantra, one that everyone can learn and file away in their memories for all eternity. Yet, one must look well beyond the saying's sound simplicity to truly understand and appreciate the wonder of "OU sucks," for it is much more than a simple cheer. Dare I say, it is a way of life!

This convention is not just a Longhorn phenomenon, and, in fact, can be found peppered throughout the annals of history. As alluded to in the documentary "History of the World Part 1," by the scholar Mel Brooks, there were originally fifteen commandments handed to Moses on the hill top. Unfortunately,though Mr. Brooks did not enlighten us with the text of tablet that was destroyed when Moses fumbled worse than Rhett Bomar after getting laid out, I was able to recover an accurate depiction after digging through various primary sources.

Fear, not for this is not the only instance of this notion being embedded in various cultures. When Hammurabi chiseled his code from stone, cheering for OU was punishable by death. When the Druids built Stonehenge, they too knew this to be true. Even when the members of the Deltas were on Double Secret Probation they drank to this simple truth.

Friends, I could go on and on all day, but isn't that the beauty of it? "OU Sucks" does not change with the current bragging rights holder. It does not ebb and flow like the tide. It does not wane and wax like the moon. It is not fickle like the changing of the weather. It does not blow a gasket like Bob Stoops struggling with UTEP. It is deeper than that, a universal truth that spans history, and is embedded in the very fabric of space and time. For any good Longhorn, or decent human being for that matter, knows that any time he or she looks at his time keeping device, at that very moment OU will suck.

So remember kids:

When you need the Heimlich maneuver, OU Still Sucks.

When you go on a gameshow, OU Still Sucks.

When you say no to drugs, OU Still Sucks.

When you want to break down and cry, OU Still Sucks.

When you say no to bad fashion, OU Still Sucks.

When you're doing laundry, OU Still Sucks. (NSFW)

When you're stranded on a desert island, OU Still Sucks.

When you can remember the name of your state and don't have to put in on your flag, OU Still Sucks.

And, finally, when we're Texas, and they're not, OU Still Sucks!


Happy Hate Week, everybody!

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