Dear Coach Bill Snyder,
You have one hell of a football
team program, and I am consistently impressed with the way they play. I'm equally impressed, if not more-so with the way they have always handled themselves. There was not one (memorable) horns down from any of your players, and that, to me, screams respect. You may own us, but you and your players show nothing but class and respect. Without researching I can't recall hearing of a single issue with your program either; no talk of pending investigations or even suspensions for anything other than possibly minor incidents - which wouldn't really be reported on a normal basis. All that to say: there are few teams that the Texas Longhorns play against that I respect as much as the Kansas State Wildcats.
Having said that, please retire - and this time for good. Just go off into the sunset, with your name on the stadium, an entire fanbase recognizing you as their football savior, coaches everywhere respecting you as one of the all time greats. You've earned the rest. You've done enough to solidify your legacy, and it's a damn fine legacy. Also, as your underling, I think it befitting that Texas begin a collection to sweeten your retirement package. I'm certain that Texas has enough big money donors that we could make a substantial offer to keep you and your family set for a very, very long time. Please consider this offer. The entire Burnt Orange Nation awaits your response.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Every single Texas fan that has ever watched football.