There's an old saying, "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride." And what better analogy is there to describe the century plus relationship Texas A&M has had with its long loathed rival in Austin. The two schools just never really meshed. A&M has its Corps of Cadets. UT has its liberal arts/6th street hipsters. A&M is in an outpost, "college", town. UT is in the capital city of the largest of the lower 48 states. A&M claims a baker's dozen less one is the way to field a football squad. UT, well, is The University of Texas.
These differences over time drove a stake right through the heart of Texas. The chasm finally grew so wide that Aggies everywhere were inclined to head for greener pastures. And come July 1 that relationship between long time veritable rivals will split permanently* in terms of athletic conference affiliation. A&M will become a new member of the Southeastern Conference, joining along with the University of Missouri. (*Let's hope so.)
We here at burntorangenation thought it a just and fitting bon voyage to our brethren in Bryan-College Station to commemorate the D-I-V-O-R-C-E with a month long series of essays and various historical recounting of memorable athletic achievements over our Brazos River rivals. So to you, BONizens, we ask to regale us with your stories and takes on the incestuous nature of the rivalry and to freely express thoughts of this vicissitude as and when the moment strikes. Make use of the fanposts and fanshots sections to vent your pent up emotions. Got a joke, share it. Got a family story, share it. This is one last chance to send the Aggies packing with just how we really feel about them.
Long time infamous BON contributor and UT football letterman, 54b, has graced us with a Dear John letter to the departing Aggies that more than sets the proper tone for the next thirty days.
Sorry, I meant to say, Agro-Americans. You'd think that I'd remember by now considering we've been engaged in a, um, "bitter" rivalry for 100 years. But as hard as I know this is for you to believe, we Longhorns fans just don't think about you all that much...except for maybe when we're matched up against you in sports or trying to explain to our children the meaning of the words, "unhealthy obsession."
That said, we'd be remiss if we didn't at least acknowledge your forthcoming departure to the SEC by combing the recesses of our collective memories for the most poignant reflections from our longstanding rivalry. Personally, our last football game pretty much sums up the entire one-sided rivalry in my opinion, a rivalry in which the team that was confident in their own self-image won the majority of the time - even when they were overmatched - against the team that couldn't keep from tripping over their penis envy long enough to take care of business on the field. But considering that you haven't officially bought the farm until July 1, we here at the BON will spend the month of June harkening you back to a time when men were men, sheep were still taboo, and UT was your daddy by regaling you with daily reminders of our dominance in our affectionately named, "GTFO Aggies Series."
Similar to ESPNs acclaimed 30 for 30 series, we'll explore and feature memorable contests, significant historical events and other extenuating happenstances that have made the rivalry a household name...or at least marginally better than Texas vs. Baylor.
In all honestly, we here at the BON congratulate you on the move to the SEC. We've no doubt that the transition will not be easy, but ultimately, it will prove to be the right decision. We hope the time and separation coupled with the ultra-competitive culture of the SEC will finally convince the 12th Man that:
1) When your first tradition isn't winning, all your other traditions are viewed largely as hokey rituals.
2) Beating your rival consistently is not the reflection of a successful athletic program, it's the product of it.
3) Your cars have stickers of a hornless steer on them. You'll never make it in the SEC with stickers of a hornless steer on your cars. Think classy, you'll be classy. If you win a few conference championships, you can put stickers of hornless steers on your cars and the press will think you're colorful. Until you win a few conference championships, however, it means you are dorks.
Okay, good talk. Enjoy our little trip down "memory pain" as you count down your few remaining days in the same conference as The University of Texas. I'm sure our two schools will meet again much sooner than we'd like, so try not to crap the bed on your way out and don't let the door hit you in the ass.
Burnt Orange Nation
We can't promise our take on the Aggies in this series will always be positive, but we can positively state it will be worth visiting daily up until June 30 when we can all yell, "Now GTFO."