What's up, BONers,
Apologies up front, had to mail this one in today as I'm headed to the Grove in Oxford, Mississippi to put the Hotty back in Toddy...if you're there on Saturday, buy me a drink and I'll tell you the secret of Nimh. I'll be easy to spot. I'll be the asshole wearing the Spalding Smails collection polo oxford, burnt orange Hermes (pronounced, "Dickwad") tie, hush puppy mafia Dockers and fratastic pre-ripped Longhorn hat...as for underwear, that's a gametime decision and a personal one at that...hey, don't judge and don't bust balls, literally.
But first, an irreverent look back at the surgical spanking delivered by the Horns to the one-man Lobo pack of Nuevo Mehicano and their transient coach, Bob Davie, aka, El Diablo Blanco, with my weekly feature...
What Longhorns Fans Were REALLY Thinking When The Score Was....
TX vs. UNM Edition
0 - 0
"Damn, I wish I could read lips cuz I bet when Earl went out for the honorary coin toss, he told the Los Lonely Lobos that even with his cane, he could average 7 a carry against them."
7 - 0 Ash, 49 yd run
"Ash! ah-ahh! Savior of the Universe! Go Ash, Go!"
10 - 0 Jordan, 38 yd field goal
"You bet I have questions about UT's kicking game....like, what 90's boy band were Nick Jordan's parents most likely listening to when they conceived him...N'Synch? No. Boys II Men? No. Back Street Boys, that's the one."
If you haven't laughed yet, just wait longer...
17 - 0 Davis, 22 yd pass from Ash
"Magic Mike dances into the endzone...vintage Mack Brown Football...if you can't out-scheme the other team, just out-athlete them."
24 - 0 Johnson, 45 yd pass (more like a handoff) from Ash
"It's like 'Daje Vu' all over again...I haven't seen a slot back tote the Scooby Snack like that since Ramonce Taylor burned up the 40 Acres like a man wearing a backpack on fire."
31 - 0 Bergeron, 1 yd run
"Starting to get out of hand...looks like Bob Davie is proof that the only difference between being a college football coach and a commentator is having experience wearing pants on TV."
38 - 0 Monroe, 6 yd run
"The Monroe Doctrine, Part 2 states, Football is 10% mental and 90% handing the ball off to DJ Monroe."
45 - 0 McFarland, 13 yd pass from McCoy
"Mmmm, the McDouble TD....you know, it's good to see Case do well, I wonder if he gets tips from his older brother on being a back-up quarterback. Doh! (Suck it, Weeden)"
Two games in the book, two notches in the win column, and I still have no idea if we're headed for immortality, ignominy or irregularity....I'm second guessing whatever I just ate from the South Endzone Taco Truck. Hey, sometimes you gotta live mas peligrosos.
Speaking of, it's off to Oxford by way of Little Rock...that's like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire back into the butter. Good times.
RISE and recognize.