FanPost

Surprise Candidate for Next Texas Head Coach

Breaking news from Belmont.

DeLoss Dodds, Athletic Director at the University of Texas, wants to go with a known commodity at head coach. The trouble is, there's just so much uncertainty when deciding which candidate to go with.

According to Dodds, "We've looked at every available living head coach and assistant coach, but we just couldn't trust our program to chance. Sure, you've got some young guys out there who are doing great things, but who's to say they'll be successful at Texas? We want age, experience, and a proven track record.

"Here at Texas, our thinking is that sometimes, to move forward, you've got to go backwards. So we decided to include deceased coaches in our search, and we've come to the conclusion that Vince Lombardi is the best fit for our program at this time. He's tough, he's smart, and he a proven winner. Also, his first name happens to be pretty popular around these parts. Of course, we all know that Coach Lombardi passed away in 1970, but me and Joe [Jamail] have decided that it will be easier and more reliable to invest billions of dollars inventing a time travel device than finding a good head coach candidate among those currently living.

"At this time I'm excited to announce that we've already begun our preliminary research and development phase, with Jeff Madden heading up a team of graduate assistants who are meticulously studying all three Back to the Future films."

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