Here's the full text of the ad as I wrote it originally:

If you're anything like me, you're probably one impatient guy. You hate waiting in lines, go nuts when your internet connection acts up, and promptly burn any recipe that doesn't include the phrase, "Set the microwave power setting to. . . "

Well, if you're still with me, then you're probably not the world's biggest fan of the Food And Drug Administration, either. With all the testing and red tape and hyper-investigations for potential side effects, useful drugs sit in laboratories while regular Joes like you and me continue to suffer needlessly through the continued trauma of curable ailments.

Most folks don't realize it, but functional drugs have been shelved for years that could be out on the market helping us with every day ailments like tennis elbow, drinker's diarrhea, morning wood, and AIDS.

Fortunately, those days are behind us. Despite what the New York Times would have you believe, there's a lot more good than bad coming from Mexico's steady decline into anarchy. And I'm not just talking about a free fall in the price of cocaine and extra kidneys.

No, there's more. Libertarians and entrepreneurs across North America have pounced on this unique opportunity to test principles of true market freedom, and the results are more than encouraging.

They're practical.

And today we're pleased to announce the North America launch of DrugTrial.com, a new venture in online pharmaceutical distribution that promises to revolutionize the way customers deal with long-standing ailments that the FDA doesn't want you to cure. I've been using DrugTrial.com for two months now, and have already taken advantage of their offers on FDA-banned drugs combatting ailments like congenital shrinkage and sweaty buttocks.

Are there increased risks of side effects? Well, sure. Like anything else worthwhile in life, you have to give a little to get a little. But let's face it: isn't nausea, brain hemorraghing, and violent diarrhea a potential side effect of -every- drug on the market these days? Does it REALLY matter if the risk of crapping your spleen is 20 percent and not 5? I'm no mathematician, but I'll take those odds, thank you very much.

So, loyal listeners, the next time you find yourself sitting around thinking, "Why haven't they created a drug to combat this particular ailment I'm dealing with?" - ask yourself, "Have I checked DrugTrial.com yet?"

Odds are, someone in Mexico's been working overtime with you in mind. Check it out today at www.DrugTrial.com