Hypothetically...
Four men in purple shirts enter a conference room and take seats. In front of each chair are coffee pots and a stack of ten legal pads.
Head Coach: Men, this is a special, important meeting. Now, this all may seem odd. Coffee pots. Reams of paper. I know - it's strange. But do you know why I've set things up this way?
Offensive Coordinator: (Groans) Aww, crap. Is the AD office making us think up a new tradition?
Head Coach: No, no. This is even more important than that. We've got two weeks until the Texas game, an off Saturday to rest, and we're gonna go down to Austin and win that game. And to make sure of it? We're going to sit in this room for three straight days until we have that team broken down and figured out in every which way.
Assistants: (Look at each other and snicker)
Head Coach: (Barking) Stop that laughing! You leave this room before we're finished and you're fired. Is that clear?
Defensive Coordinator: No, no, Coach. It's not that. We'll be glad to stay as long as it takes.
Special Teams Coordinator: We'll definitely stay for the whole meeting, Coach. It's just that... well... this may not be quite the braincramp you're imagining.
Head Coach: What do you mean? (Shuffles through calendar on desk) We're playing Texas this week, right?
Offensive Coordinator: Yup. You're right. But... Okay, I'll go first. That okay with the rest of you? (Everyone nods)
This one's gonna be simple. Texas is crippled by three subpar starting linebackers and a coaching staff which will adjust far too slowly. The defensive coordinator blitzes constantly with his middle linebacker, which is fine, because the guy just runs into blockers. We're going to stack the offensive line of scrimmage with blockers, protect Freeman, and enjoy the mismatch when they cover Jordy with a linebacker.
Head Coach: Can we run some trick plays?
Offensive Coordinator: Maybe one, but we won't need 'em.
Head Coach: And that's it? That's all we have to do?
Offensive Coordinator: Pretty much. Give Freeman a little time and pick on the soft zone, mostly with Jordy. He won't need much time to get open.
Defensive Coordinator: I'll go next. Containing this offense is much easier than you'd think.
Head Coach: Huh? They looked damn good against Rice on the tape I just watched.
Defensive Coordinator: Coach?
Head Coach: What?
Defensive Coordinator: They haven't canned Greg Davis...
Head Coach: Ahhh...
Defensive Coordinator: So yeah. They got vertical in the passing game and used the young talent against the overmatched opponent, but as we all know: the toys go back in the box against real reams until Texas loses.
We'll look for the short stuff underneath on first down. Runs on second down. And defending any team on third and long is a pretty simple matter. Davis might bring the Chiles kid in for a handful of plays, but I'm certain they'll just run the same play each time.
Head Coach: And that's it?
Defensive Coordinator: Trust me.
Head Coach: I sure hope you're right. Okay, well, we're not done here. I want to win all three phases of this game.
Special Teams Coordinator: Uh, there's not much to say here. Those mediocre linebackers that the DC was talking about are on the special teams, as well. I'd bet dollars to donuts Jordy busts a long one and that animal Killebrew picks up a penalty. Just trust me on this one coach - we've got huge advantages in this phase of the game.
Head Coach: (Scratches head) I dunno, guys. You make it sound so simple. Like we're just gonna walk into their house and blow 'em out.
--PB--
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74 comments
Comments
well done, PB
I think this pretty much says it all.
Do you people realize how hard it is not to cuss and throw shit at the TV when you have your family over? And there are small children and animals involved? Do you????
If you see someone stumbling down Congress cussing incoherently at the top of their lungs, stop by and say "Hi." Don't worry: I won't challenge Leslie for the g-string look.
by bigfatdrunk on
Sep 29, 2007 6:18 PM CDT
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btw
for those of you not old enough to remember, this is ***nothing*** compared to the David McWilliams era. I ain't missed a game for anything other than a funeral, wedding, or anniversary in the last 20 years, and I ain't gonna start now.
by bigfatdrunk on
Sep 29, 2007 6:24 PM CDT
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Yup
This is not the end of the world.
Just a bad, bad loss. And one that fatally exposed all the weaknesses we've been talking about.
by PB @ BON on
Sep 29, 2007 6:25 PM CDT
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oh man...
Just a bad, bad loss. And one that fatally exposed all the weaknesses we've been talking about.
...we've been talking about for a long, long time. PB, you've touched on this before this year, but the thing that's most distressing about this is that everything that was talked about the entire offseason is exactly what's wrong right now...
by agent orange on
Sep 29, 2007 7:09 PM CDT
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It's all our fault!!!
If we wouldn't have been talking about it, surely Kstate never would have picked up on our weaknesses!
by Hornbud on
Sep 29, 2007 7:30 PM CDT
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It could be worse
We coudl have lost to Baylor 50-7 at home (I sat through that one)
by SaintBevo on
Sep 29, 2007 6:40 PM CDT
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i hate you...
i'm sick to my stomach right now.
don't even get to enjoy the dOUchebag loss today.
somebody post pictures of crying OU kids to help me feel better please.
by bleed burnt orange on
Sep 29, 2007 6:11 PM CDT
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bobby hill
"Is it okay that I feel like I dont want to live anymore?"
by bleed burnt orange on
Sep 29, 2007 6:13 PM CDT
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what else is new.
Defensive Coordinator: Did I forget to mention that their quarterback cannot look off receivers, is not accurate, has a slow release, hasn't been accurate, and makes bad decisions?
by sup4mn on
Sep 29, 2007 6:13 PM CDT
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"plays like he's not from tuscola."
this ain't 2a, biatch!
by mattw on
Sep 29, 2007 6:28 PM CDT
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Also
Special Teams Coordinator: I'd also like to add that we should be able to run at least one kickoff to the house. Hell, it's going to be so easy, I say we use our tight end!
by goingforthecorner on
Sep 29, 2007 6:25 PM CDT
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c'mon - 4 INTs + 1 PR + 1 KR?
hard to blame the defense for this one.
by cortexas on
Sep 29, 2007 6:28 PM CDT
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Defense wasn't too bad
The gameplan wasn't a good one, though. The adjustments, in particular, were too few and far between.
by PB @ BON on
Sep 29, 2007 6:32 PM CDT
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Not a D we can count on
to make something happen when need it to happen. They were not aweful, however they did not create anything either.
by Hornbud on
Sep 29, 2007 7:32 PM CDT
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Right on
We were all so worried about the defense. They did fine when it comes down to it. Special Teams? Are you kidding me? "Yes, they were quite ssssppppeeecccciiiiaaaallll today" he said with a lisp.
This really makes me feel bad. I wanted to see them get all crushed. Now I just want to puke.
by HornsFan87 on
Sep 29, 2007 6:34 PM CDT
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Poop
Maybe the coaches SHOULD have played this up as a revenge game.
by 16thLonghorn on
Sep 29, 2007 6:36 PM CDT
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Yeah, they sealed off the real emotional spark.
Revenge is honorable in football.
by whills on
Sep 29, 2007 6:50 PM CDT
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PB...???
Did you get a date with the chick from the cab yet? We need some good news right now and all our collective hopes rest on you young man.
by UT2001 on
Sep 29, 2007 6:38 PM CDT
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also...
I could really use some vicarious sex, so that would help me. Post details. Oh, and pictures. not of you, of course.
by bigfatdrunk on
Sep 29, 2007 6:43 PM CDT
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Well if you have any of Holly or SMQ then
post by all means.
by UT2001 on
Sep 29, 2007 6:44 PM CDT
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He's got plenty.
But if he knows what's good for him, they'll never see the light of day.
by Holly on
Sep 29, 2007 6:48 PM CDT
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Behind Orson?
Can't wait that long. Whiskey is a calling'
by UT2001 on
Sep 29, 2007 6:56 PM CDT
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Hey now.
That's a married man you're talking about. A bet's a bet, but that's all. And his lovely wife could kick my ass.
by Holly on
Sep 29, 2007 6:58 PM CDT
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and 1 million cocktails for upholdin' your end
we all see the grass a little greener and the sky a bit more blue because of that pic.
by UT2001 on
Sep 29, 2007 7:01 PM CDT
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Thanks, I'll need the cocktails.
As a direct result of that little stunt, my mom got an anonymous email directing her to the blog...which I'd managed to keep from her for seven years.
It was still worth it.
by Holly on
Sep 29, 2007 7:05 PM CDT
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Does your mom date Verne Lunquist?
How does she know about EDSBS? An AARP thing?
by UT2001 on
Sep 29, 2007 7:08 PM CDT
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My mom's not THAT old!
She didn't know about any of it. Some asshole emailed her, anonymously, at her WORK ACCOUNT, to tell her her daughter was "selling herself on a pornographic website called Every Day Should Be Saturday". No joke.
by Holly on
Sep 29, 2007 7:10 PM CDT
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If Orson would take my money
I would enter for Mustache Wednesday. You could be Chessecake Friday...
As much laughter as that guy has provided me, I'll sell my mustache for sure.
by UT2001 on
Sep 29, 2007 7:14 PM CDT
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Seriously, somebody owes us a check.
When I told him, Swindle's first reaction was "Porn sites make money."
by Holly on
Sep 29, 2007 7:16 PM CDT
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Orson and PB are could be Hitler and Rommel
And I would sign up for the SS. It is that freaking simple.
by UT2001 on
Sep 29, 2007 7:19 PM CDT
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dammit!
No love at all today.
Holly, marry me! My wife won't mind. She says the sex sucks, anyway.
PS: Thanks for the cheer up pic, chief.
by bigfatdrunk on
Sep 29, 2007 7:27 PM CDT
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My pleasure
by chief on
Sep 29, 2007 7:31 PM CDT
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I may be out of the loop
But Peter, didn't you move to South Bend with a girlfriend? Or am I thinking of some other UT site that I frequent everyday?
by chief on
Sep 29, 2007 7:05 PM CDT
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We split up a while ago
Sad times
by PB @ BON on
Sep 29, 2007 7:51 PM CDT
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Oh, sorry man.
I didn't mean to be "that" guy.
by chief on
Sep 29, 2007 7:57 PM CDT
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I thought the same thing earlier today...
but in todays world you never know.....
by Bevoboy94 on
Sep 29, 2007 9:33 PM CDT
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greg davis
nope i still blame greg davis for this. offensive gamecalling blew. i think its time to use john chiles much much much much more. time to spread opposing defenses out and make them also have to worry about a mobile qb. this will open up jamaal charles and get one on one matches downfield. either that or use 2 tight ends to get colt more protection. he got killed out there today. wow hopefully we beat ou next week...that would really put a smile on my face (how ironic is it that i live in nj and my bio teacher is a sooner fan? who the hell likes ou ouside of oklahoma?)
by clra2 on
Sep 29, 2007 6:41 PM CDT
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I agree, but using Chiles will cost us.
Inexperienced QBs make mistakes. You just gotta hope they score enough to cover-up their mistakes. But it would solve our back-up QB situation.
OU will be problematic. They got exposed, too. Could be a really weird game. However, their O-line is much better right now.
by whills on
Sep 29, 2007 6:53 PM CDT
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thats true
but i can live with a true freshman throwing 4 picks and by the looks of things could have easily been 5 or 6 picks the way colt was flinging out there. we all sat here at our computers and talked about colt's possible sophmore slump and well folks its reality. OUR LONGHORNS NEED HELP! and thats no BS. i really think our streak of 10+ wins a season is in REAL jeopardy.
by kcc28 on
Sep 29, 2007 7:20 PM CDT
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why does it feel
that when this team takes the field it just seems to go through the motions. There is no energy out on the field. How can a team come out so flat on the first conference game?
by EEhorns on
Sep 29, 2007 6:41 PM CDT
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I've seen a lot of people blame the coaches..
And maybe they should. I don't know.
I do know that our coaching staff looks weak compared to the other elite programs out there. Mack is (was?) a great recruiter, but has he ever been an amazing head coach? Just food for thought (or fuel for the fire, depending on your camp).
by chief on
Sep 29, 2007 6:44 PM CDT
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all-around failure
I'm glad OU lost, but by no means can the coaches take a look at this game and think that wholesale changes should not be made. As they are currently constituted, the scheme on offense, defense, and special teams is broken. The wrong players are on the field, and they are being put in positions where they could not be successful.
I understand the o-line problems, they're young and they will make mistakes. But we should not have gone away from the run, especially when our defense is running out of gas.
The short pass offense was exposed. Our playmakers were not catching balls where they could be weapons.
The defense was not bad, but it was not great either. I'd like to think that Kindle would have made a difference, but I doubt it. There was not enough pressure on QB from the get go. Give Freeman time and he will burn you everytime.
Changes to be made:
Offense: RUN THE FOOTBALL. Put McCoy under center give JC and Co a running start. Throw the ball down field. Start developing next year's scheme and next year's players.
Defense: Forget about the seniors. The OU game should see new at least one new starter in the secondary and 3 new starters at LB.
Special Teams: Put your best players on the field.
by BMG on
Sep 29, 2007 6:51 PM CDT
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That's Funny...I Guess
I think we all knew this game was coming; just most of us thought it would be next week. Hang in, it could be a long season.
by FutureMan on
Sep 29, 2007 6:54 PM CDT
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hate to say it...
I say this as someone who really, really likes Mack Brown...
but this game just exposed all his worst traits.
by agent orange on
Sep 29, 2007 7:05 PM CDT
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worst trait is too nice?
This team needs a fire under it, some freaking passion. Doesn't falling behind at home get you fired up. Everybody looked so damn blah. I think Coach Brown needs a Mr. Hyde side once in a while.
Never the less, my gut reaction says, "FIRE GREG DAVIS!"
by bfaut86 on
Sep 29, 2007 7:20 PM CDT
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Nobody likes hyde,
but a random appearance every now and again, just to remind everyone that he's there, really can be effective.
by Hornbud on
Sep 29, 2007 7:48 PM CDT
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Please Help Us Feel Better
How about some cheerleader or Pom Pom girl pics!
by OBdoc on
Sep 29, 2007 7:12 PM CDT
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At Least I Got Some Enchiladas Out Of The Trip
That was just miserable. The team is flat, flat, flat. Completely lacking in emotion. The coaching and playcalling is... pretty much what it was ante-VY. Mack is waaaay too loyal to his assistants to kick GD out the door. Oh well, plenty of time to stew about it on the drive back to Houston. :(
by littlerearl on
Sep 29, 2007 7:26 PM CDT
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You have to go to Houston???
No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by UT2001 on
Sep 29, 2007 7:27 PM CDT
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Drowning Our Sorrows At The Gingerman
The traffic on 71 isn't too bad, should be beeriffic by 9:15.
by littlerearl on
Sep 29, 2007 7:30 PM CDT
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It's all about wins baby
Texas will rack up more wins, Mack'll get another raise, win another mediocre bowl, get more recruits and the team will be fine
the team is 4-1 and still controls its own destiny, no matter how the wins are. UT has already played in blowout win, blowout loss, close win at home and close win on the road (both with onside kicks with a minute left) and convincingly pulled away from a respectable team. Now that it has faced all those, it can hunker down for some wins.
Oh wait, next week is neutral site. Guess they haven't all been covered yet
KSU HAS to be ranked ahead of Texas next week. No argument.
by FreedomDip on
Sep 29, 2007 7:31 PM CDT
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Vince Young?
Where was Vince Young? I thought he was going to be in the stadium.
by Cyrus on
Sep 29, 2007 7:33 PM CDT
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He was in the stadium...
by bamfor on
Sep 29, 2007 7:53 PM CDT
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Cheerleader Therapy
Is up on the main page.
by PB @ BON on
Sep 29, 2007 7:36 PM CDT
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Chicago Bears
This team reminds me in some way of the current Chicago Bears. Every yard gained is cause for a freakin celebration; it's such a relief to get a first down because the offense isn't that good. As a result, you have to beg the defense to come up with a turnover.
Unfortunately Texas doesn't have a defense as good as the Chicago Bears. The defense didn't play horribly I thought. But, like the Bears, I felt that the defense has things happen to it that are just disheartening: bad offense, bad punting, bad coverage on punts and kickoffs, turnovers, etc.
by Longhorn13 on
Sep 29, 2007 7:39 PM CDT
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Totally off topic
I'd like to see the Bears pick up Chris Simms for next year. Grossman is a complete turd, and they don't have any better options in-house. They could draft a QB next year and have Simms fill in until he was ready.
by chief on
Sep 29, 2007 7:43 PM CDT
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I nominate Colt McCoy
As the offensive Offensive Player of the Game, AND the offensive Defensive Player of the Game.
by goingforthecorner on
Sep 29, 2007 8:13 PM CDT
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Hypothetically...
What if no one ends the season undefeated, AND Kansas State puts up a great show in the Big XII?
USC has to play Oregon and Cal. LSU has to play Florida possibly twice. Florida is losing to Auburn 14-0 right now.
I'm just saying... if UT runs the table the rest of the way (which is obviously a giant IF), maybe we could somehow sneak up there.
They say it's better to lose early than late.
by goingforthecorner on
Sep 29, 2007 8:16 PM CDT
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I equate this loss
to throwing up after a long night of drinking. It's usually the case with me that after a long bout of nausea and trying to fight the feeling, I finally ralph, and I feel much better. I new Texas was going to lose at some point this year and it made me feel sick every time we got close to doing so. But now that we have, I feel a bit relieved. Bleaahhhhh!
by limnonectes on
Sep 29, 2007 8:17 PM CDT
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Now that the pretense is over. . .
- . . .it's clear we are not BCS material. We won't make it to the conference championship game, much less through it. If we can't beat a good K-State team at home, can we really expect to beat a better OU team away? And in the frame of mind they will be in? Do we still inspire the necessary shock-and-awe edge so most teams actually fear having to play the Texas Longhorns?
- Sadly, so far McCoy isn't the quarterback he was last year. He's been showing this in his play all season--average, with flashes of panache--but we remain with stars in our eyes. Sophomore jinx? Latent egotism? Overpreparation? Peter Principle? Dunno. He may snap out of it tomorrow, but until then, maybe he just needs to be strategically sat down; if he, or any player, is convinced he has a lock on the starting job the next 2-1/2 years come feast or come famine, that is a travesty and is Coach's burden as well as his own. Bale out? Absolutely not: he is the Man and continues to start until he loses the job, but Chiles should have played the final quarter. . . final half, to my mind.
- I brought this up last year, but we need to recognize that K-State loathes The University of Texas. Their football program was abysmal, officially the worst in the NCAA at one point, until Snyder brought them the heady taste of ambrosia. They mark the beginning of their subsequent decline from that loss six (?) years ago to UT in the championship game. We rank right behind Kansas (and now, just ahead of OU) on their hate list. Nor does it help that in the broader scheme of things we are, after all, TEXAS, and they're just. . .well. . .kansas.
- Our wealth isn't so vast as we thought. It all starts here: We need to recruit harder all those blue-chippers who seek happiness looking at Texas in their rearview mirrors. I seem to be in the minority for being concerned, or at least puzzled, by this refurbished flight of talent from the motherland, but I'm past being weary of seeing all the good ol' boys in out-of-state livery who come back to sock it to us. It works two ways: We get 'em. . .and if we get 'em, they don't!
- Ideally, the team will wake up tomorrow and, en masse, concede they've been living in a fool's paradise and resolve they will henceforth "leave it all out on the field" and never again be belittled by the unworthy.
I feel better already.
by cabalnamedclyde on
Sep 29, 2007 9:28 PM CDT
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K-State lost to the aggies
We have beat Neb, lost to Neb, lost to Col, and beat Col in out trips.
by Bevoboy94 on
Sep 29, 2007 9:41 PM CDT
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Football Whisperer
I don't usually tell people about this but since I'm very emotional right now, Ill let you in on a little secret. I can hear the thoughts of football players.
Below are the actual thoughts I picked up during the Horn's Spec-Teams coverage tonight (pick just about anybody on coverage):
"Um, OK...kick...OK. Here I go. I'm giving, oh 80% and running down to the other end of the field. I just pray that somebody else will cover...I mean, there's eleven of us and only one football, right?...cool. Damn, I just got knocked on my ass. Shit, who's covering? What the hell was that?! Come on get his ass. I thought you had him!! Huh, you thought I was on him??? Shit!!!"
Just to compare, I picked this up during the USC Spec-Teams coverage against the Huskies tonight:
"KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!"
Oh, and here's what was on Colt's mind right before the 3rd or 4th INT (I can't recall which one):
"OK,I need smelling salts, but damn, I'm Colt-God-Damn-McCoy. Sure my eyeballs are still crossed from that last body-slam but I'm one tough son-of-a-bitch from West Texas and I ain't gonna let no wuss-cat stop me from leading MY team to their destiny. OK, where's Center? One, two, three, OK, there he is...wait, what play are we running. Oh God, I think I'm gonna puke."
I just thought you should know.
by spinmonkey on
Sep 30, 2007 12:20 AM CDT
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