Breaking News: Yet ANOTHER Longhorn Arrested Tuesday Night
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Federal agents seized nearly $3,500 of illegal steroids from the home of Mr. Bean in a bust the Justice Department is calling "significant and critical to sending the right message to those who would choose illegal means to gain an advantage over their competitors."
A source close to the investigation says federal agents were tipped off to Mr. Bean's alleged involvement in steroids use when a disgruntled reader of Mr. Bean's fast-growing Longhorns website "Burnt Orange Nation" complained to the DOJ of "uncontrollable fits of rage and lashing out." Investigators staked out Mr. Bean's residence and, they allege, discovered his steroid use.
Mr. Bean was unavailable for comment as of press time Tuesday evening, but his attorney did release a statement to the media.
"Mr. Bean deeply regrets that he has let down his friends, his family, his colleagues, and his readers. He would like to apologize for any embarrassment that he has caused the University of Texas, Sports Blogs Nation, and overworked bloggers everywhere. Peter was operating under extreme duress as he attempted to keep up his writing duties while starting law school, and regrets turning to chemicals as a way to keep his edge."
Officials at the University of Texas were quick to distance themselves from Mr. Bean.
"We are not affiliated in any way with Mr. Bean, with Burnt Orange Nation, or with Sports Blogs Nation," said Ellen Steckman, Vice President for Legal Affairs at the university. "Mr. Bean's reckless behavior is something that is beneath an institution of higher learning. We assure you that his arrest is not the ninth incident involving this football program in the past four months."
The talking points coming from the headquarters of Sports Blogs Nation were more upbeat. Tyler Bleszinski, who serves as president of the booming sports blogging network, dismissed media questions that his bloggers were beginning to operate as rogues.
"I'll put our long-term record up against any blog network in the country," Bleszinski said. "Peter's actions are not indicative of the type of blogger who writes for this network. We will handle the disciplining of this issue with all due diligence, but reiterate that there is not a bigger problem here."
Though Bleszinski was adament that the situation was under control, his statements were not enough to satisfy certain members of Congress who learned of the breaking story. Presidential candidates on both sides of the aisle raced to send out a press release, but Republican Senator John McCain of Arizona once again stole the biggest headlines with his firm denouncement.
"This has gone on quite long enough," McCain said. "It is time the American people step up to this wave of destructive behavior which is ruining the moral fabric of our society. It is time, indeed, for a jihad on steroids. This cannot and will not be tolerated."
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28 comments
Comments
Damn, PB
that headline scared the bejeebus out of me
by BigTexBD on Sep 18, 2007 10:15 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
At this point?
I'm surprised you didn't just just shrug.
(Hopefully you eventually chuckled...)
by Peter Bean on Sep 18, 2007 10:16 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
eventually
i just busted out laughing (while my girlfriend was watching some stupid show. she got mad. I laughed more).
by BigTexBD on Sep 18, 2007 10:20 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
WHAT?!?!?!?
A slain man had gotten gang warnings????
by Red Blooded on Sep 18, 2007 10:16 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Damn, I just about...
had a stroke when I glanced at the title.
I wondered how you reacted when I saw it right after it was post. I guess that answered my question. You are just like the rest of them on the team. I guess it's time for me to fire one up to be part of the crowd
by Bevoboy94 on Sep 18, 2007 10:18 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Inside eye's post
Does anyone think that is "The" Brandon Foster. Sounds a bit defensive to me. Or could be Sooner Mom (revisited)?
by Bevoboy94 on Sep 18, 2007 10:20 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
PB off the team
Looks like another BON schollie is open....where do I send my app?
by sinless1 on Sep 18, 2007 10:26 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
send your app to....
Huntsville State Penitentiary....apparently.
wtf is going on?
by bleed burnt orange on Sep 18, 2007 11:05 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
A change of pace:
KEEP.
POSTING.
FUNNY.
THINGS.
by Horn Brain on Sep 18, 2007 11:04 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
My friend was saying that...
...most of the players that get arrested don't really contribute on the field. If that's true, this keeps that streak alive.
by Longhorn13 on Sep 18, 2007 11:08 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I knew your performance
as blogger extraordinaire had to be aided by some sort of performance enhancing drug. How else could you provide an endless number of informative yet thought provoking posts? This stinks man - now an asterisk next to this site in My Favorites.
Aww screw it - I forgive you.
by JT Longhorn on Sep 18, 2007 11:21 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Gold, Jerry, gold!!!
now an asterisk next to this site in My Favorites.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
by Beergut on Sep 19, 2007 1:33 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I have two questions for you, Peter:
- Were you using "the cream" or "the clear"?
- Since I know I didn't release a statement to the media earlier this evening, who's your attorney if I'm not?
Nice piece. As an alumnus of a school that, like Texas, also has a classy, no-nonsense head coach who has to deal with too much moronic behavior by his athletes, I sympathize.
by T Kyle King on Sep 18, 2007 11:28 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I was there at the arrest
PB could be heard screaming "Dont Taze me, bro! OW, OW, OW"
by the other Andrew on Sep 18, 2007 11:31 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Typical liberal media focusing on the negative
I have on good authority that Peter Bean once generated $14 at a bake sale where the proceeds went towards building a playground for elementary school children. Let those who haven't human growth hormoned cast the first stone.
by Red Blooded on Sep 18, 2007 11:41 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Looking forward
... to the REAL story, once the defendant gets his chance to explain (always seems to work in OJ's case). You could start by referring to the goings-on as a "mishap", which I believe is what Mr. Henry used to refer to his arrest/charge.
by Defender90 on Sep 18, 2007 11:51 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
our support
All we can do is offer our support and caring and friendship to Peter Bean in this troubling phase of his life, while at the same time insisting that Sports Blog nation kick him off the team, offer their own personal contrition, and by the way, why not punish the whole Sports Blog Team, while they're at it. Of course, we support Peter Bean and wish him only the best. But somebody's gotta pay! Everybody's gotta pay!!
by rezboscace on Sep 19, 2007 12:30 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I knew it
If you look at pictures of PB from his rookie year as a blogger and pictures of him now it was pretty obvious.
by Wells on Sep 19, 2007 6:31 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I'm more concerned
about all that "protective" gear he wears while blogging. I dare you to tell me that stuff doesn't give him a serious advantage...
by Kahuna on Sep 19, 2007 7:57 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Ok what just happened?
and what is this hotlist that just showed up?
by Wells on Sep 19, 2007 8:28 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Parents...
This is what happens when you let your kids root for Barry Bonds.
by Meekrob on Sep 19, 2007 8:45 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
*facepalm*
Sadly the only think i find irksome in that post is the use of the old Statesman layout. We revamped it for a reason!
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║▓▒░░░░░░░░░░░ 9617;░░░░░░░░░░░ (ಠ_ಠ)
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by Chocotaku on Sep 19, 2007 11:27 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
tsk, tsk.
That font is terrible, sir.
by Holly Anderson on Sep 19, 2007 12:56 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
BUSTED1
by cabalnamedclyde on Sep 20, 2007 9:55 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs





























