We're not above parody here at BON, or parity, that matter, so while we bask in the glory of being Texas Longhorns fans, let's take a moment to appreciate the sports fans from the other regions of the country. After all, it's not a -totally- burnt orange nation. Yet.
The East Coast Sports Fan
Favorite Sport: Major League Baseball
Least Favorite Sport: Pac 10 Football* High School Football
Media Influence: 10
Fan Obnoxiousness Rating: 11
Tailgating skills: 5
Best Fans: NY Jets
Worst Fans: Red Sox
Overall Sports Knowledge: 8
Overall Sports Fan Rating: B
*Least favorite sport changed when rub-n-tugging USC became all the rave.
The key rating here is the obnoxiousness rating, where as you can see, they go off the charts. The self-righteousness goes beyond the admittedly smug cockiness of Texas fandom and in to the air of Holier Than Thou self-serving whining. Try living amongst Yankees fans while living amongst Red Sox fans while living amongst Duke fans. Yeah, not fun.
It crosses from psychotic fandom into crazed narcissism when they kid themselves into thinking anyone else cares about sports like rowing, or lacrosse. We don't. We never will.
The West Coast Sports Fan
Favorite Sport: Whoever is winning
Least Favorite Sport: Whoever is not winning
Media Influence: 4
Fan Obnoxiousness Rating: 6
Tailgating skills: 2
Best Fans: Oakland A's
Worst Fans: USC Trojans
Overall Sports Knowledge: 2
Overall Sports Fan Rating: D
The West Coast sports fan is the antithesis of the East Coast fan. For one thing, there are only about sixteen of them. So, for purposes of this discussion we'll be liberal with what we're counting as fans. The West Coast sports fan just party jumps from one hot team to the next. When the Lakers are the show, you'll find them there. If USC is the team to beat, they'll pop up at the Coliseum. Seriously, anyone got the over/under `til we see Jack Nicholson move over to the Clippers? I hear they're doing pretty well.
Side note: Matt Leinart has a bright pro career in front of him. Just not as an NFL quarterback. After he goes Ryan Leaf on the league for a couple years, he'll bail on the League and slide seamlessly into his new role as the new lead correspondent for E! Sports, coming 2008. What a twit.
The Southern Sports Fan
Favorite Sport: Football, NASCAR (tie)
Least Favorite Sport: Hockey
Media Influence: 2
Fan Obnoxiousness Rating: 7
Tailgating skills: 11
Best Fans: Alabama Crimson Tide
Worst Fans: Atlanta Braves
Overall Sports Knowledge: 6
Overall Sports Fan Rating: B+
You get a mix of the good and the bad with the southern sports fans. On the down side, you get NASCAR. For the life of me I just can't justify spending that much time, money, energy, or thinking into driving around in a circle for four hours. Can't be done. On the upside, the passion for and commitment to football is first rate. Throw in the strong tailgating skills and you've got a good foundation to work with. Still, the simple-mindedness of many southern sports fans is trying.
The Midwestern Sports Fan
Favorite Sport: Hockey, Football
Least Favorite Sport: Baseball
Media Influence: 1
Fan Obnoxiousness Rating: 3
Tailgating skills: 7
Best Fans: Detroit Pistons
Worst Fans: Ohio State Buckeyes
Overall Sports Knowledge: 7
Overall Sports Fan Rating: B+
An underrated group of fans due to the lack of media influence. You have to factor in the gawdawful weather when evaluating these fans, as they brave unspeakable cold to tailgate and attend games. Still, you have to ding them for loving hockey, and they're too nice. Not that you want all fan bases to be like Philly, but you'd like to see more of their fan bases have more of a Piston-esque attitude. In a way, Midwestern sports fans are sort of the equivalent of the sports fan mutt: they have some of the best qualities of the Southern, East Coast, and West Coast sports fans.
The Texas Longhorns Sports Fan
Favorite Sport: Football
Least Favorite Sport: Basketball
Media Influence: 2
Fan Obnoxiousness Rating: 6
Tailgating skills: 9
Best Fans: Football
Worst Fans: Basketball
Overall Sports Knowledge: 6
Overall Sports Fan Rating: A-
The greatest sports university in the world has the best football fan base in the country, shows up in droves to root for the baseball team, and... can't fill up the Erwin Center to cheer on a Top 10 basketball team? It's not like there's an NBA franchise in town stealing away the hoops fans. Texas sports fans just don't love hoops, for a reason that escapes me. I'm not the Erwin Center's biggest fan, but you don't have to play in Cameron Indoors to have a strong fan base. If Rick Barnes can ever get people excited about hoops the way they are about football, he should be the next Pope. It would be a miracle.
--PB--