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Dear Ann Landers

Dear Ann,

It seems like the whole world's against me. I live in a sh*t hole of a college town and I can't seem to catch a break at my job. You see, I'm a football coach and I used to be the luckiest sumbitch there was. I pulled in a kid from South Dakota to play quarterback and he almost won the heisman, but now nothing is going right. First my quarterback, he wasn't the best, but at least he's a quarterback, he goes and takes money to joyride around in a Lexus all day, and he's out. Then these referees (who totally had it in for me by the way) robbed me of this game and the league won't even let me pretend it never happened. Well now I gotta take this Wide Receiver of a quarterback to Dallas for the weekend. Do you have any advice about how to break my luck.


F@#%ed in Norman

Dear F@#%ed,

Get a grip, just because you caught some bad breaks doesn't mean the whole world's against you. Don't be a pussy.


Dear Ann,

I'm getting ready for a pretty big football game this weekend and I was wondering if you could help me out. You see I have this gameplan, and this gameplan features a play called the bubble screen. I won't get into details, but suffice it to say, it's a thing of beauty. I just don't know whether to throw it primarily to the left or the right?

Help me out,

Lost in Austin

Dear Lost,

Maybe you should stop thinking so much about left and right and start thinking about how to go forward. Don't be afraid to take some chances - there's always another chance to go left or right.


Hey Anne,

I used to be pretty important. I got this ring and everything, but then one time I got high. It was pretty fun, and like I always say, if it's fun do it a lot. Anyway, long story short I wind up on this pecan farm in the middle of nowhere, waving around a gun, and then before I know I'm cuffed and riding in a cop car. They said I had 5 pounds a weed in my car, and all I could think was "my damn scale is broken." Anyway, I was just hoping you could put everything into perspective or give me some advice.


Stoned in Tyler

Dear Pot Head,

Get off the weed, if you were as important as you say you were than you've gotta be pretty dumb to wave a gun around and carry marijuana. You got what you deserved. Who's next?


Dear Anne,

I want to go outside and meet people, but I live in the Northeast, and it's so damn cold. Where can I go to meet people that's warm?

Blogging in Boston

Dear Blogging,

Get a jacket pussy.