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Mark Foley Jokes And Other Debauchery

In discussing plans for our regular PTI segment this Thursday, AW and I decided that, because we were inviting The Other Andrew to join us, we might try something new. The grand idea? Instead of an email exchange, we'd try an instant message exchange.

Setting aside the formatting nightmare of this idea, we probably should have anticipated that three old friends getting together to record a semi-serious segment was an exercise in futility.

Which it was.

If you're brave enough, click through and enjoy the insanity. If you can. It might be worth it if you can get to the point where the Mark Foley jokes start.


Peter (10:43:44 PM): windler, first "real" question is for you - You decided -before- the season to go to Texas-OU as opposed to Texas-Ohio State. Thoughts on it at the time of tOSU? Thoughts now?

OtherAndrew (10:44:16 PM): oh man, great question. you obviously took a day off from work. it mostly stems from the fact that I've got a healthy streak of OU game attendance going (since 3rd grade) and I really dont want to break that up....

Peter (10:46:19 PM): how old are kids in 3rd grade? Good god.

OtherAndrew (10:46:30 PM): plus, I'm not sure how many more there will be at the state fair, and if it's gonna end soon, I want to go out guns ablazin'

Peter (10:46:42 PM): fair

awiggo (10:46:54 PM): fair but have you ever seen a home game as hyped as OSU was?

OtherAndrew (10:47:28 PM): no, i've never seen a game as hyped as tOSU, which was another reason I wasnt sure I wanted to go

OtherAndrew (10:47:40 PM): I know that sounds funny....

awiggo (10:47:46 PM): you thought there was no way the game would live up to the hype?

Peter (10:47:48 PM): Let me tell you, it lived up to the billing. (You had to be there.) err?

Peter (10:48:23 PM): Speaking of hype, do either of you ever get the distinct feeling that your sports life absolutely peaked in January of this year?

awiggo (10:49:19 PM): i hope not. Even if we don't win a NC for another 40 years (gasp), I hope to still be attending games then.

OtherAndrew (10:49:57 PM): i get kinda squirrelly when things arent normal, so when I heard that people were land rushing (it is OU week afterall) I knew that I wouldve had a conniption knowing that someone was nabbing our tailgate spot

Peter (10:49:59 PM): No, but come on. It was OUR first national title. We were there. It was the Rose Bowl. Against the Cocksuckers who "never lost". And the greatest, most dramatic, game, ever.

awiggo (10:51:05 PM): i am right there with you. But I can't admit that there will be nothing better in our lifetime. Imagine if the bball team had won the NC as well. Then we would be talking about the three championships together. That could happen.

Peter (10:51:09 PM): With a quarterback who ties his penis in a double knot around his leg. I'm pretty sure our sports lives peaked.

awiggo (10:51:32 PM): am i the glass half full guy? this doesn't feel right.

Peter (10:51:39 PM): I was gonna say...

OtherAndrew (10:51:42 PM): i'm with wiggins

Peter (10:52:17 PM): Well, I hope y'all are right.

Peter (10:52:23 PM): And damnit, I want a hoops title.

OtherAndrew (10:52:27 PM): i wouldnt use the word peaked, anyway - that's for high school girls who are now ugly

Peter (10:53:01 PM): speaking of hoops - is Kevin Durant the Vince Young of hoops?

OtherAndrew (10:53:35 PM): i'm not sure you can compare basketball players to football players

awiggo (10:53:40 PM): no, KD will only be on campus one year; you can't achieve that kind of greatness in just a single year even if we were to cut the nets down. Not possible

Peter (10:53:43 PM): Try. This is PTI.

OtherAndrew (10:54:03 PM): no, KD will only be on campus one year, you can't achieve that kind of greatness in just a single year even if we were to cut the nets down. Not possible

awiggo (10:54:07 PM): KD will be the best bball player to ever play at texas. Try that one on for size.

Peter (10:54:19 PM): The shoe fits.

Peter (10:54:26 PM): And I think I agree.

Peter (10:54:36 PM): And that's tough for me to say - I looooooooooove TJ

OtherAndrew (10:54:37 PM): i can't get behind that statement just yet since I havent seen him play

OtherAndrew (10:54:46 PM): we all love TJ

Peter (10:54:59 PM): I know; but I'd have babies with TJ.

OtherAndrew (10:55:06 PM): my hair is just like his during his freshman year

Peter (10:55:12 PM): that's super tight

OtherAndrew (10:55:19 PM): "the braided mullet"

Peter (10:55:21 PM): although his game improved dramatically when he shed those nasty things

awiggo (10:55:30 PM): we will be weeping when KD declares in april. we will feel cheated. but we will realize by may that he was the greatest

Peter (10:57:04 PM): Okay, can each of you give me one thing you're legitimately nervous about on Saturday. Most nervous about.

awiggo (10:57:14 PM): peterson.

OtherAndrew (10:57:25 PM): long line at Fletchers

Peter (10:57:45 PM): Give me AP's line for the day:

awiggo (10:57:49 PM): we are all marveling at the numbers wolfe is putting up, but AD is the best back in the nation. If he goes off, we are in serious trouble.

OtherAndrew (10:57:59 PM): AD wont go off

awiggo (10:58:54 PM): AD/AP: over 150 yards we probably lose. Under 100 yards we definitely win.

Peter (10:59:01 PM): can y'all each give me peterson's predicted line for saturday, please?

awiggo (10:59:33 PM): 25 carries, 149 yards, 2 tds.

OtherAndrew (10:59:39 PM): AD - 33 rushes... 145 yards. 3 catches 22 yards

OtherAndrew (10:59:47 PM): theyre gonna run him ragged

Peter (10:59:53 PM): any concerns about paul thompson?

OtherAndrew (11:00:01 PM): none

OtherAndrew (11:00:06 PM): 2 picks

OtherAndrew (11:00:23 PM): 3 if you count the hail mary at the end of the half

awiggo (11:00:28 PM): not really, if he gets the ball to kelly he will have done his job. that and constantly handing off to Peterson.

Peter (11:00:42 PM): any thoughts on psychology of this game?

OtherAndrew (11:00:52 PM): stoops is going to cost peterson at least one year in the NFL this season

awiggo (11:02:07 PM): we win when we play loose. we get creamed when we come out tight. We don't have VY dancing this year. I think there is some concern about how loose we play this one.

OtherAndrew (11:02:27 PM): this game is different than in past years. before last year, we had been in a definite pyschological disadvantage. This year, OU kind of seems piece mealed with the Bomar dismissal

OtherAndrew (11:02:40 PM): so I dont know how to gauge this game

Peter (11:03:08 PM): i'm worried about a slow start

awiggo (11:03:11 PM): I don't like that they had a week off. We only played Sammy but I like their two full weeks more than our single one.

OtherAndrew (11:03:41 PM): i take the other side of that coin

OtherAndrew (11:03:48 PM): i like that we played this week

Peter (11:03:50 PM): me too

Peter (11:03:56 PM): colt reps = good

OtherAndrew (11:03:59 PM): yea

Peter (11:04:12 PM): this team needs an identity - anyone else wondering about that right now?

awiggo (11:04:29 PM): true but I want as much time focusing on OU as possible. I don't think we can be too prepared for this one.

Peter (11:05:02 PM): but i think our guys need to treat this - to the extent possible - as just another opponent

Peter (11:05:12 PM): too much time to sit around and dwell on it could be too much thinking out there

awiggo (11:08:36 PM): how good does our defense have to be? Basically what is the minimum our offense will score?

Peter (11:08:54 PM): i think the offense is good for 27+

OtherAndrew (11:09:19 PM): agreed

Peter (11:09:30 PM): and i -think- our defense will hold them under 30 - if not, we're not half the team we think we are

awiggo (11:10:07 PM): I don't think we will put up 30 or give up 30. I see this one much lower. like 20-17.

OtherAndrew (11:10:18 PM): i'd hope we can hold them under 30

Alcoholic beverage refreshment interlude, coupled with inappropriate discussion of assless chaps.

awiggo (11:25:16 PM): windler, what the west coast vibe on dethroning USC this season?

Peter (11:25:27 PM): is there such a thing as a west coast vibe?

awiggo (11:25:36 PM): yes, only windler knows about it.

OtherAndrew (11:26:24 PM): well, having lived out here last season and this season, it's much less "hollywood" this go round

awiggo (11:26:45 PM): granted, anyway, can cal or oregon win the pac 10?

Peter (11:26:54 PM): i say yes

Peter (11:27:04 PM): well

Peter (11:27:12 PM): i dunno - both defenses suck ass

Peter (11:27:21 PM): though cal's is better and should improve

awiggo (11:27:45 PM): could USC outscore either of them if the Trojan defense fails to show up. I'm not so sure this year that they could win 40-38.

Peter (11:27:51 PM): agree there

Peter (11:27:55 PM): but i think their d is legit

OtherAndrew (11:28:12 PM): i think USC has a stranglehold on the Pac 10 similar to OU's stranglehold on us a few years ago

awiggo (11:28:17 PM): they are good but not as good as their 2004 defense.

Peter (11:28:25 PM): goddamnit windler. i just puked on my keyboard.

OtherAndrew (11:28:41 PM): Cal or Oregon could win, but they'd have to get over the psychological hump

awiggo (11:29:05 PM): but neither of those teams are real rivals with the Trojans.

awiggo (11:29:38 PM): I always thought that was our biggest problem with OU before last year. We were trying too hard and b/c it was always a huge rivalry game.

OtherAndrew (11:29:48 PM): true, but no one likes to get beat up on. right now it feels like USC is rivals with everyone in the Pac 10

awiggo (11:30:26 PM): did either of you see Tommy Tubberville's comments today?

Peter (11:30:36 PM): i saw 'em

Peter (11:30:43 PM): thought they were really dumb

Peter (11:30:48 PM): timing was just awful

Peter (11:30:53 PM): talk about the wrong message

awiggo (11:30:58 PM): he is worried about getting left out again.

OtherAndrew (11:31:10 PM): I thought he was right

Peter (11:31:11 PM): might wanna save those comments for -after- you win all the games

awiggo (11:31:18 PM): bad timing but right message?

OtherAndrew (11:31:19 PM): but yeah, he should wait

OtherAndrew (11:31:25 PM): exactly

OtherAndrew (11:32:06 PM): bean, I have no idea how you're gonna sew this together to make it look coherent

Peter (11:32:17 PM): i was just thinking what a formatting nightmare this is going to be

awiggo (11:32:12 PM): we are almost halfway done - who wins the heisman?

Peter (11:32:57 PM): okay, forget who WILL win the heisman - that'll be boring and obvious soon enough. but garrett wolfe, SHOULD, win it. i'm gonna be CFB's dick vitale on this one - MID-MAJORS, BABY!

OtherAndrew (11:33:21 PM): They should retroactively give it to Vince

awiggo (11:33:23 PM): he has been impressive, but if you could choose one back would you take Wolfe?

Peter (11:33:33 PM): 353 yards. one game.

OtherAndrew (11:33:34 PM): No, I'd take Peterson

awiggo (11:33:39 PM): agreed ? I?ll take AP

Peter (11:33:46 PM): give me peterson in the NFL draft. give me wolfe for the heisman

awiggo (11:33:59 PM): booooooo

OtherAndrew (11:34:00 PM): yup

Peter (11:34:10 PM): who are you booing?

awiggo (11:34:14 PM): you.

Peter (11:34:15 PM): me, wolfe, or peterson?

awiggo (11:34:18 PM): you.

Peter (11:34:19 PM): why?

awiggo (11:34:51 PM): don't factor in the draft. for college, this year, who do want lining up in the backfield? Basically who is the best back in college football?

Peter (11:34:59 PM): garrett wolfe

awiggo (11:35:12 PM): As much as it sucks on the eve of playing OU, but I'd have to say Peterson.

Peter (11:35:43 PM): i'd rather face peterson than that bitch quentin griffin - the poor man's garrett wolfe

awiggo (11:36:20 PM): troy smith or brady quinn or chris leak?

Peter (11:36:26 PM): smith - easy

OtherAndrew (11:36:27 PM): troy smith

awiggo (11:36:39 PM): that was easy. sorry didn't know we all thought alike.

Peter (11:36:48 PM): speaking of quarterbacks, do we get to make spleen jokes now that simmsy is out of the hospital?

awiggo (11:37:18 PM): simms jokes can begin now.

awiggo (11:37:47 PM): i still think we should call our weekly Pick Six betting segment the Chris Simms.

awiggo (11:38:07 PM): maybe after we get by OU.

Peter (11:38:11 PM): deal

Peter (11:38:27 PM): hopefully we'll pick six thompson and we can call 'em that

OtherAndrew (11:39:00 PM): here's a legitimate OU week question

OtherAndrew (11:39:34 PM): you have one stop on your drive up to dallas, do you stop at the Czech stop for some kolaches or at Robertsons for a pound of beef jerky?

awiggo (11:40:07 PM): czech stop, not a jerky fan myself. plus it's on the east side of the road. easier to get to.

Peter (11:40:21 PM): ditto - great jerky can be had

Peter (11:40:26 PM): around town

OtherAndrew (11:40:34 PM): right answer, wrong reason

awiggo (11:40:41 PM): explain please.

OtherAndrew (11:40:46 PM): robertsons is too close to Austin, so you dont stop

awiggo (11:40:57 PM): so you stop there on the way back?

OtherAndrew (11:41:06 PM): yes, so that makes you half right

awiggo (11:41:13 PM): I am learning so much here tonight.

Peter (11:41:17 PM): i feel abused

OtherAndrew (11:41:22 PM): you were immediately disqualified when you said

you werent a jerky fan

awiggo (11:41:28 PM): you feel mark foley'd.

Peter (11:41:32 PM): lol

OtherAndrew (11:41:35 PM): take ur pants off

OtherAndrew (11:41:44 PM): how big is it?

Peter (11:41:44 PM): tell me about your boy parts, andrew

awiggo (11:41:45 PM): meet me at my house around 11

awiggo (11:42:44 PM): and speaking of terrific stories in government - did President Bush sign the anti-poker legislation today?

Peter (11:43:42 PM): it's not in the headlines

OtherAndrew (11:43:42 PM): no clue. I live in LA

awiggo (11:43:58 PM): not on cnn. maybe tomorrow.

Peter (11:44:06 PM): oh wait - he did sign some big border fence law - and i know the poker shit was buried in there

Peter (11:44:11 PM): what douchebags

Peter (11:44:26 PM): i'm furious

Peter (11:45:43 PM): i'm really pleased that the government is legislating this.

awiggo (11:45:54 PM): now masters students are going to have to come up with another reason for dropping out.

OtherAndrew (11:46:06 PM): for the record, i quit gambling after i lost all my money

Peter (11:46:11 PM): that was dumb.

Peter (11:46:18 PM): you can't catch up if you quit playing

OtherAndrew (11:46:22 PM): and got married

awiggo (11:46:24 PM): double down.

Peter (11:46:26 PM): you're married?

OtherAndrew (11:46:31 PM): vegas

Peter (11:46:37 PM): shotgun, baby

OtherAndrew (11:46:40 PM): it was a bourbony haze

awiggo (11:46:43 PM): in the car?

Peter (11:47:00 PM): i might just post this entire transcript and see what happens

Peter (11:52:29 PM): who are y'alls three favorite horns right now?

Peter (11:52:52 PM): i'm going with limas sweed, jamaal charles, and brian robison

awiggo (11:53:08 PM): jamaal, orakpo, and mi griffin

Peter (11:53:20 PM): love both those guys wiggo

OtherAndrew (11:53:40 PM): kelson, shipley, mi griffin

awiggo (11:53:50 PM): ship are u kidding?

Peter (11:53:50 PM): kelson owns too

Peter (11:53:59 PM): how can ship be one of your faves?

awiggo (11:54:21 PM): just b/c he is fast and white like you?

OtherAndrew (11:54:39 PM): nah, I?ve just heard enough off the record stories

Peter (11:54:56 PM): ok, that's fair

Peter (11:55:00 PM): you have insider info

OtherAndrew (11:55:04 PM): here's an off record story

OtherAndrew (11:56:23 PM): [REDACTED]

OtherAndrew (11:57:08 PM): [REDACTED]

OtherAndrew (11:57:39 PM): [REDACTED]

Peter (11:57:51 PM): dear god

OtherAndrew (11:58:22 PM): [REDACTED]

OtherAndrew (12:01:38 AM): anyway, that?s why I love Ship. New topic: Favorite horns of your lifetime?

awiggo (12:01:47 AM): football only?

OtherAndrew (12:02:12 AM): 3 football, 3 total

Peter (12:02:34 AM): football: vince, stoney clark, derrick johnson....

awiggo (12:02:35 AM): major, cash brothers, westbrook.

awiggo (12:02:47 AM): and of course vince.

OtherAndrew (12:02:59 AM): stoney clark - because he was a poet?

Peter (12:03:11 AM): yeah - total goofball, plus single best OU moment of my lifetime

OtherAndrew (12:03:29 AM): yup.... that game comes on ESPiN classic on frida

Peter (12:03:33 AM): no shit?

Peter (12:03:36 AM): what time

OtherAndrew (12:03:37 AM): no shit

OtherAndrew (12:03:40 AM): not sure

Peter (12:03:44 AM): i'll look it up

Peter (12:03:46 AM): thanks

OtherAndrew (12:03:56 AM): all sports?

Peter (12:04:07 AM): vince, ford are 1-2 easy

OtherAndrew (12:04:13 AM): too easy

awiggo (12:04:26 AM): i can't remember which game it was but I was really little, I remember being blown away by singing the eyes of texas as we exited the stadium. I think I must have been sitting in the upper deck.

OtherAndrew (12:04:46 AM): UofH?

awiggo (12:04:51 AM): no, it was a tx/ou game

Peter (12:04:55 AM): that UH game was unreal

Peter (12:05:03 AM): i was in the upper deck for that one

OtherAndrew (12:05:08 AM): get that idiot off the goalpost!

Peter (12:05:16 AM): lol

awiggo (12:05:16 AM): me too.

Peter (12:05:33 AM): wiggins secretly loves the 1990 cotton bowl, too

OtherAndrew (12:05:38 AM): homo

awiggo (12:05:49 AM): vividly remember that one. That game was also the loudest I have ever heard DKR Texas Memorial Stadium/The Ranch

OtherAndrew (12:05:57 AM): dont call it that

awiggo (12:06:02 AM): The corral

Peter (12:06:04 AM): i liked The Library

OtherAndrew (12:06:44 AM): whats funny about the library is that i remember one time when Will came to a game from the actual library. had his books and everything... nerd

Peter (12:06:54 AM): now here's a question - would you date a sooner girl?

awiggo (12:07:18 AM): probably not, teeth are a must for me.

Peter (12:07:38 AM): agree - i'm not related to any, for that matter, so unlikely to begin with

OtherAndrew (12:07:58 AM): both get fired at the same time

awiggo (12:08:10 AM): the exact same time?

OtherAndrew (12:08:14 AM): although A&M pays dearly for their firing

awiggo (12:08:21 AM): $$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Peter (12:08:22 AM): how?

OtherAndrew (12:08:23 AM): the ADs synchronize watches

awiggo (12:08:29 AM): isn't RC still getting paid?

OtherAndrew (12:08:45 AM): I think hes finally off the docket, but Fran is good til 2012

Peter (12:08:49 AM): i must say - i really enjoy watching a&m suffer

Peter (12:08:52 AM): like, a lot

OtherAndrew (12:08:52 AM): me too

awiggo (12:08:58 AM): love it.

OtherAndrew (12:09:08 AM): squeeze ags

Peter (12:09:15 AM): i'm a sick puppy - i really like them unhappy

awiggo (12:09:17 AM): I also like their unrealistic dreams: tubberville, kubiak, etc.

OtherAndrew (12:09:34 AM): yup, butch davis is another one tossed around

awiggo (12:09:36 AM): weis, chizik, carroll,

Peter (12:09:43 AM): aggies crack me up

awiggo (12:09:47 AM): davis is a possibility. the others are not.

OtherAndrew (12:09:59 AM): i hate it that they'll be #2 in the big 12 in basketball

awiggo (12:10:22 AM): i'm not there yet. KU is a clear number one but we have tons more talent, all freshman though.

Peter (12:10:32 AM): it's A&M - they'll fuck it up

awiggo (12:10:35 AM): thug basketball is not real basketball.

Peter (12:10:41 AM): exactly

Peter (12:10:46 AM): their ceiling isn't that high

Peter (12:10:47 AM): texas' is

OtherAndrew (12:10:54 AM): i'll agree with that

awiggo (12:10:56 AM): 50 points a game it tough to watch at the college level.

Peter (12:11:08 AM): thank god kelvin thugson is gone

OtherAndrew (12:11:14 AM): it's tough to watch at the women?s level

Peter (12:11:24 AM): you've seen women play basketball?

OtherAndrew (12:11:30 AM): no

OtherAndrew (12:11:37 AM): thats a ridiculous question

awiggo (12:11:42 AM): how high do you jump when you see a layup highlight?

Peter (12:11:43 AM): you're right.

OtherAndrew (12:12:01 AM): 3 inches? no clue

awiggo (12:12:15 AM): mickelson level. I get it.

Peter (12:12:26 AM): speaking of women's sports, i think i'm going to check out these volleyball gazelles one of these days at gregory

OtherAndrew (12:12:45 AM): you should

awiggo (12:12:49 AM): i don't know. women that tall scare me.

Peter (12:12:50 AM): i think it'd be fun

OtherAndrew (12:12:58 AM): i loved AHS games

Peter (12:13:02 AM): and the tallness isn't scaring me off

awiggo (12:13:16 AM): you are like a foot taller than me. I don't expect you to be scared.

Peter (12:13:43 AM): you?re a hobbit

awiggo (12:17:01 AM): speaking of UT athletes - i had a former cheerleader apply for a job with me.

Peter (12:17:12 AM): tell me you hired her wiggins

awiggo (12:17:24 AM): I haven't brought her in yet. Don't worry though.

awiggo (12:17:41 AM): it may be the longest interview I ever conduct.

Peter (12:17:50 AM): don't bother mentioning the open position to the girlfriend.

Peter (12:17:54 AM): she'll ask who filled it

Peter (12:17:59 AM): and when she figures it out, you're done

Peter (12:18:02 AM): D-U-N we can practice how this conversation will go.

Peter (12:18:15 AM): "you hired a CHEERLEADER?"

awiggo (12:18:23 AM): yes and I'd do it again.

Peter (12:18:31 AM): "i thought i knew you"

awiggo (12:18:35 AM): she's really smart.

Peter (12:18:47 AM): "by smart i assume you mean 'great tits'"

awiggo (12:18:49 AM): and down to earth

awiggo (12:18:55 AM): she loves kids.

Peter (12:19:02 AM): "she wants babies with my boyfriend"

awiggo (12:19:03 AM): unmatched credentials.

awiggo (12:19:24 AM): very personable. easy to work with. a real gem.

Peter (12:19:36 AM): "fine. then date her. see if i care."

OtherAndrew (12:19:36 AM): ps, my wife is watching you guys and is gonna call your girlfriends tomorrow

awiggo (12:19:53 AM): classic.

Peter (12:19:56 AM): oh, thanks windler. (hi erinn)

OtherAndrew (12:20:10 AM): my wife: "do guys really talk like that?"

OtherAndrew (12:20:15 AM): i said no

Peter (12:20:15 AM): windler, tell her for me, will ya: i love cats and cuddling and monogamy

OtherAndrew (12:21:09 AM): she's bored and has left the room

OtherAndrew (12:21:17 AM): tits

Peter (12:21:20 AM): lol

OtherAndrew (12:21:28 AM): sorry, had to get that out

Peter (12:21:36 AM): it felt right

awiggo (12:21:50 AM): no problems here.

awiggo (12:23:39 AM): anyway, i'm spent. r we done? is any of this postable?

OtherAndrew (12:23:57 AM): no

Peter (12:23:58 AM): most of this is garbage. entertaining garbage. so, yeah, most of it's going up