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And On The Seventh Day, He Spoke

Do you ever read the Mack Brown press conference transcripts? Given the nature of my job, I've read every word of just about every press conference of the last three years. Really, though, they're all the same; you just substitute different words in for the context of the week. Playing North Texas? Look for the nice words about Darrell Dickey. Rivalry game with Oklahoma or A&M? Something about how the kids play together during high school.

They're so formulaic, they're almost not worth reading. So I thought that while we sit and wait (seven days, now) for Mack to sit down for the press, we take a stab at preemptively making his comments for him. Betcha dollars to donuts we just about nail what he's actually going to say.  So let's give it a shot. If I miss out on some key phrases and thoughts, throw 'em in the comments. It'll be a fun comparison once Mack actually speaks.

Opening Statement: This is an exciting time of year for college football. We're obviously disappointed that we're not participating in the Big 12 championship. We beat both Oklahoma and Nebraska this season, so we feel like we could have been there.

As for the A&M game, well, we're obviously very disappointed that we didn't win that one. We feel especially bad for our seniors, who have had such a great career here for us. The seniors are 2,984-7 in their four years here, and we just wish they could have finished their careers out with a home win.

You have to credit A&M for playing a good game. They won the explosives 1-to-0, and any time you lose the battle of the explosives, you know you might have some trouble. We did a pretty good job of getting the ball into the red zone, but we've got to do a better job turning those drives into points.

We lost the turnover battle 4-to-0, and that's obviously a negative. We have to do a better job of protecting the football in critical situations.

The team has been invited to participate in the Meow Meow Alamo Bowl, and we've accepted that invitation. We obviously had goals to get into a BCS game, but this is an opportunity to play close to home and in front of our fans in a terrific bowl with a rich history of great games. We're really excited to play Iowa and Drew Tate here in his home state. It should be a great game of football that showcases so many of the great players produced by the many wonderful high school football coaches in this great state. Just wonderful coaches, those high school coaches. High school. Coaches. Great.

"Coach, can you comment on Jevan Snead and his impending transfer? Well, we obviously think he's a myopic kid. Wait, strike that. Did I say myopic? I meant mighty optical. He's' got great vision. No, I can't comment on Jevan at this time.

"Coach, do you think that your decision to play a wounded Colt McCoy over a healthy Jevan Snead had anything to do with his transfer? Well, Brad McCoy assured us Colt was feeling great. And in all my years coaching football, I've never once heard a father exaggerate the preparedness or ability of his child. So, no, I don't think that was factor. Also, Brad McCoy is a great high school football coach.

"Do you think the fan base will buy into your faux enthusiasm over an Alamo Bowl berth?" Well, any time you get an invitation to a bowl, it's a great thing. We're 44-1-0 in games decided by less than seven points in which the opposing quarterback's last name comes in the third quintile of the alphabet. So losing to Texas A&M really caught us off guard. Sure, we're disappointed, but it's a great honor to get to play our bowl game here in Texas. The Alamo Bowl is named after one of the most corageous moments in this state's great history. We're proud to have an opportunity to show our courage this year by showing up to the Alamo Bowl when we should be playing in the Fiesta Bowl. Lesser teams would have mailed it in already.

"Did Gene Chizik's decision to leave for Iowa State affect the team's preparation for Texas A&M?" I don't think you can really say that's true. I think Gene Chizik's inability to develop a consistent linebacker this year hurt the team's preparation for Texas A&M. Don't you? Gene Chizik did not coach high school football in Texas. And I think that hurt us a little bit.

That's all the time we have for questions today. Thank you all, and thank you to the greatest fans a football coach could ever hope for. I know many of you are disappointed right now, but I can assure you that I've called a summit of every winning high school football coach in the state of Texas, and we're going to work hard to get this thing turned around in time to beat Iowa.

Hook 'Em Horns.