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The Final Piece Of The Pathetic Puzzle

We knew it was gonna be a buy game. We knew it was gonna be a miserable opponent. We knew the 2007 football schedule had no hope for redemption...

And yet, as the home opener is officially confirmed today by the Statesman, I'm still flabbergasted. If I weren't such a windbag, I'd be beyond words.

With today's announcement that Texas will face Arkansas State to start the season, the most feminine, chicken-sh*t schedule ever to be assembled by a major college football team that fancies itself a national title contender has been completed.

Your 2007 non-conference schedule, in order:

Arkansas State
@Central Florida

Give me Rupaul, four pink darts,
and a map and I could assemble
a more masculine schedule.

TCU's a decent team, and Rice has definitely seen worse days, but in the aggregate, that's about as lousy a non-conference schedule as you can assemble. If Texas misses out on a big prize next season because of this schedule, you won't find me anywhere near the line of people arguing on Texas' behalf.

And that's because we won't deserve it.

What makes me madder are all the "bleed burnt orange through and through" apologists that want to tell me to show up, take my medicine, and just cheer, cheer, cheer for the home team.

You know what? Damn right I'll be cheering my ass off for Texas. I'll always root for the Longhorns. But this kind of pansy-ass scheduling is a slap in the face to the fans. They schedule this B.S. because apologists like that are happy to be taken for granted. To make it simple: they do it because they can. Well, I've got the pulpit. And I cry foul.

Funny, too, that the Texas football site should have a giant pom pom story about all the money we're throwing into the North End Zone expansion, and nary a word about the garbage that they're bringing in to face the mighty Longhorns. Why? Because they know we'll still come. They know that the tradition and the chance to enjoy football Saturdays with our friends and families is something they can take for granted.

So instead of sacking up to bring some real competition to Texas on the quest to win another national championship, we're treated to a schedule that would make Bill Snyder proud.

Congratulations, Deloss Dodds and Mack Brown. Outsiders must glow at your ability to make so many people pay so much for so little. Quite an accomplishment.

Where's my whiskey?