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ESPN Ratchets Up Duke Love

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The entire ESPN network has a crush on Duke. I'm sorry, wait, that's not quite the right word. The entire ESPN network has a Robert Hoskins-esque obsession with Duke. Think I'm just another anti-Duke conspiracy theorist?

Think again.

You know what? Why should ESPN stop there? If you're going to go that far, why not go all the way? Go Big or Go Home, right? Here are some proposals for ESPN in case they find their Full Circle (Jerk) isn't enough.

ESPN-Duke Why not give them their own network? You can still have the Dukies all over your other networks, but I'm envisioning an NFL Network type setup with non-stop, year-round Duke coverage. During football season, or, really, any time during Duke basketball offseason, you can get creative with programs like "The Bachelor: JJ Reddick," or "How To Win Dirty and Look Clean" (host: John Stockton), or "Using Your AmEx Card To Bribe Referees." The possibilities are endless.

The Duke Ticker What happens when previously negotiated, ill-advised contract obligations prevent you from broadcasting a Duke game? How will your viewers know you're -still- slobbering on Duke's nob? Easy. A Duke Tracker, prominently scrolling across the top of the screen. I'm envisioning something in between Headline News and a Gamecast. It's coming.

Double Dickie Remember all those wonderful Dick Vitale impersonator contests ESPN ran? Ever wonder what the motivation was? I've got an idea. How about plans to scrap Dickie V's normal broadcast partners in favor of his best impersonator? Then you could have TWO Dick Vitale's screaming about "The best program in America!"  Baby!