Bored at work? Bored with the offseason? Wondering what in the hell a Longhorn-obsessed person is supposed to do during this wretched time? Well, as you prepare to follow the Horns quest to repeat as national champs in baseball, you can always kill the rest of your Tuesday by taking a virtual tour of eBay. I just did, and there are some delightfully entertaining Longhorn items for sale, no matter your breed. In fact, you could do your entire Longhorn Christmas shopping with items on sale right now.
Something for everyone... (click on the pictures for links to actual items)
The crazy old Longhorn grandma
Starting bid: $5.99
Number of bids: 0 bids
Current price: You can nab it for $5.99 right now!
The perfect gift for your Longhorn grandma, who's told you eleventy hundred times about "that time when Darrel Royal asked her to dance at the Longhorn Foundation Ball and your grandfather told him he could `have his way with me' if he wanted." This priceless ornament fits all her needs: nostalgia and trinket hoarding, all wrapped into one.
Your way too Texan uncle
Starting bid: $8.95
Number of bids: 0 bids
Current price: You can nab it for $8.95 right now!
Works in construction management: check. Drives a 1996 Ford F-150: check. Wears his cell phone on his belt: check. And the last part's they key here. Now he can show his Longhorn pride with this delightfully ugly belt pouch. Fortunately, almost everything he wears is delightfully ugly, so he'll love it.
Your 15 year old sister
Starting bid: $0.99
Number of bids: 0 bids
Current price: You can nab it for $0.99
Your sister is spoiled rotten by your Dad anyway, so no need to go overboard on the spending here. This is the ideal gift as you can 1) spend a buck or two and 2) give her what she wants and 3) give her something to show off at Camp Mystic later this summer. And there's a little youthful innocence to the thing, which will help keep your mind off the fact that when she turns 18 and heads to UT, guys like Vince Young are going to be macking her at frat parties. Super....
Your Dad
Starting bid: $9.99
Number of bids: 15 bids
Current price: $5,000 The reserve hasn't been met yet, so bump that bidding up. Or you can "Buy It Now" for $20,000.
A national championship ring for your Dad? If you -really- think that once it's shipped to you you'll be able to let go of it, this is the one to get Pops. After all, he's the one who raised you a Longhorn fan, paid your tuition, your dues, and for all 831 hangovers. Added benefit, if you ever discover the idiot who's selling this ring, you can flash that wallet photo of your Dad showing off his bling. Why does something tell me it's Ramonce Taylor?
Yourself
Starting bid: $1.00
Number of bids: 29 bids
Current price: $760.00
Two tickets to the Ohio State game! What's a little shopping without something for yourself? Torture, is what it is. So splurge a little and lock down your tickets for the biggest nonconference game in the entire country. That they're already selling for nearly $800 tells you all you need to know about this one. Plus, the seller is offering two wrist bands to The Goalpost Club (whatever that is). Sounds pretty cool! [Folks, this is why you buy season tickets. So you don't have to be that guy on eBay paying a grand for two tickets to the second game of the season. If you haven't renewed your season tickets yet, FYI, you have until May 31st.]
I'm out of time at the moment, but to browse through all the Longhorn crap on eBay, just head here to their Longhorn page. Happy shopping!
--PB--