What would a clash with Baylor be without a preview Q&A with our friends from Bear Meat? A wasted opportunity - that's what.
BON: Has the Bear Meat Editorial Board convened to vote on whether Aaron Bruce deserves a spot on the First Team All Time All Meat Team? 'Cause BON thinks he's a mortal lock.
BearMeat: Aaron Bruce is the Great White Hope of athletics at the B. He had an amazing freshman season, but thanks to Drew's guard-heavy recruiting, has been crowded in the backcourt with a McDonald's All-American and two other stellar guards who score more than him. Bruce's international play in the summers seriously takes a toll on his efforts for the Gentlemen Bears. Don't get me wrong, we're happy to have him, but he is one of four guards in a 3 Guard Offense, all of whom are neither traditional point guards nor shooting guards. His numbers have steadily declined each year, as he has been eclipsed by Curtis Jerrells, an Austin product. BearMeat's All-Meat Team is reserved for champions, eccentrics, and sodomites. Since Bruce is neither, he will most likely merit an honorable mention.
BON: Rumor has it Kevin Durant urinated in a Waco toilet during his team's visit to play Baylor. Is it safe to say that sewage has been preserved for historical purposes?
BearMeat: Kevin Durant's urine was preserved, though not for historical purposes. The Will Ferrell Center employees captured Durant's "Number One" so that it could be used in many healing ceremonies across Waco. Our city is nothing if not a deeply religious municipality, so when someone with Durant's powers comes to town, we make sure to preserve all their "relics" so that we can use them for medical, spiritual, and cultural purposes. Right now, the big debate at City Hall is whether to use the urine to purge the city of the Kurse of Koresh or to combat our high teen STD rates. BearMeat has proposed using the urine in assisting the LadyBears in the Big Dance.
BON: Is it true that Mamadou Diene is a Sengalese hop scotch champion? Why is he so bad at basketball?
BearMeat: Mamadou Diene is a poor-man's Manute Bol. While beloved of Baylor's undergraduates, who call him the Mayor, Mamadou exudes a "just happy to be alive and living in the U.S." vibe, that is common among people from the 3rd World. When you've seen real pain and suffering in Africa, stressing over your rebound and point production seems trivial. As far as Diene is concerned, he is living the dream at this very moment. Why wouldn't he be? Surrounded by beautiful Baylor co-eds, central heat and air, not to mention three squares a day, Mamadou has found his heaven on earth. Thanks to Scott Drew's recruiting promises, Diene has plenty of time to pursue his first love as the founder of the Baylor Hopscotch Society, which is 97% female.
BON: Is it just me or is Kim Mulkey kinda hot?
BearMeat: Hell yes. Mulk recently went through a divorce and is on the market, which has been a constant source of speculation, fantasy and boners among the BearMeat Editorial Board. Our piece on her new marital status, titled the Brazos Queen, was our failed attempt to woo and seduce her. While her arch-rival and country cousin Sherri Coale (Darth Coale, aka Trailer Mulk), is also pretty hot (in a trailer park kinda way), Mulk takes the cake because of her style. She's a woman who knows what she wants, knows how to get it, and has gotten it before, if you catch my drift.
--PB--