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54b's Commentary - Arkansas Redux/CU Preview

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Were those really the same Arkansas Razorbacks that ruined the new millennium for me and turned DKR upside down in 2003? Was that really the same Ozarkian fan base that lives to remind Texas fans that it's possible to hate another state so unconditionally that one can persist on spite alone?

Seriously, after the Horns went up by a couple of touchdowns last Saturday on their way to a thorough 52-10 trouncing, I had to keep reminding myself that McCoy and the Longhorns were taking one of our fiercest rivals to school rather than taking advantage of a defenseless and offensively challenged team mired in a free-fall to obscurity.

Harsh words to be sure and no "sooner" do I write them than I cringe at the thought that we may be awaiting the same fate in the coming weeks against some very potent opponents. But for now I sit in wonder of the most lopsided win in the storied rivalry since 1916 and I'm reminded of the kind of sportsmanship the Razorbacks displayed the last time they delt the Longhorns a heartbreaking loss. So instead of taking the high road, I figure I'll just fight fire with gasoline and rekindle the Razorbacks fans hatred for us with...


The Top 10 Ways To Heckle A Hog When It's Down  

10) Hey Arkansas, how does it feel to actually get your "Dick" knocked in the dirt?

9) Will your team be good again when pigs fly or when pigs complete a forward pass?

8) Wow, your offense is so bad, Will Muschamp didn't even make it on YouTube this time.

7) If pork is the other white meat, does that make Razorback the other white trash?

6) Do you find it ironic that the "SEC" won't bail you out of this mess?

5) Let's honor Beck's appearance at the ACL Music Fest by singing, "Soyyyy, un Patrino-Boar, I'm a loser-piggy, so why don't you grill me."

4) You've tried snapping the ball directly to your running back, have you tried snapping it directly to the Back Judge?

3) Is "Woo Pig Suey" really just Pig Latin for "Makin' Bacon?"

2) What's it like knowing you busted your Nutt for a coach who's perfected the art of speed dating?

And the #1 way to heckle a hog when its down...

1) Sorry Razorbacks, you're just not quite up to par with The Arkansas State University

The Game

Not much more I can say about the Longhorns third straight blow-out at DKR other than before UT's next home game, I'd like to get T-shirts printed up that read...

Texas 52
(Your team name here) 10

Despite a lack of formidable opposition, I've got to admit this Texas team has been impressive and exceeded most Longhorns fans' preseason expectations. And I must admit that I found it somewhat comforting when two of our previous foes, Rice and UTEP, completely demolished North Texas and UCF last weekend even if those teams aren't much better. Still, I'm left wondering if the Horns are really that good, or if our non-con schedule was really just that bad? No doubt we'll start to find out the answer to that question at the...

Next Game

Ah yes, bring on the Big XII and right out of the gate, the Longhorns get a blind date with the Buffaloes in Boulder. CU was undefeated going into last weekend (including a win over a ranked West Virginia team) before dropping a sloppy one to a so-so Florida State team down in Jacksonville. So it's hard to tell just how much muscle Ralphie's packing these days. But despite the Seminole setback, a rash of injuries to the Buffs O-Line, and Coach Hawkins taking that whole "take your son to work day" thing a little too seriously, I've no doubt Folsom Field will be rocking this Saturday night. Hopefully the Horns can quiet the crowd by getting to Cody Hawkins early and exploiting a CU defense that has only been so-so against the run. But will it be enough to get a much needed win heading into back-to-back games with two Top 5 teams? Well, since we can't leave it up to the House of Representative to vote on this one, let's turn it over to the...

Unpredictable Prediction

Never fear, Longhorns fans, one of my friends used to be a handler for Bevo and he's always helped me out with all of my Longhorn prognostication and hooven-quadruped tranquilizer needs. Provided FedEx doesn't mind transporting some metabolic-grade Buffalo-nip to Boulder this weekend and I can borrow some organic peanut butter from the CU hippie faithful, it'll be night-night for Ralphie.

Texas 38
Rocky Mountain Oysters 27


I think Coach Hawkins did a pretty good job summing up how we all feel about the opening weekend of conference play when he said:

"It's Division 1 Football. It's the Big XII. It ain't intramurals."