My ears are ringing..probably because PB just turned on the 54-Bat Signal...must be trouble at the BON (just look at the cases of insipient verbal diarhea on this comment thread). What is it Lassie? BON posters aren't playing nice? Beergut is on the loose again? They're arguing over what constitutes a bad fan?
You know what I say to that?
Bevo, please...leaving games early, cursing in front of the little kids, expressing your desire to procreate through obscene hand gestures aimed at opposing fans...please, where I come from, we call that a lazy Saturday.
Come on, it happens.
Plus, that's why God created Sundays...so we could choose contrition over sedition and head to confession, Lawrence "Chunk" Cohen style...
54b: Worst Fan Ever
(Like anybody could know that)
“Hey, 54b, we want you to spill your guts...tell us everything.”
“Everything, okay, I’ll talk...in 3rd Grade I ran onto the lime green astroturf field at Memorial stadium after a game and pushed my little brother down and took his plastic football. When one of the Texas players said I should say I'm sorry and give the football back, I told him my brother was a Razorback fan and he smiled and signed the ball, ‘Nice going, Ken Hackemack.’
During a game in 7th Grade, I told the Cotton Candy vendor that the old man at the end of the row wanted to buy whatever he had left even though I knew Mr. Johnson was a diabetic.
In 11th Grade, I poured out my friend’s contact lens solution into a plastic cup full of Coke under the seat of the guy in front of me so I could replace it with Captain Morgan. About 15 mintues later, I was tipsy and the guy in front of me was holding his stomach and clinching his butt cheeks.
When I was a walk-on in 1995, we were beating Texas Tech 48-7 with two minutes left when I told my friend that coach said ‘put on your helmet and get ready to go in’ after I rubbed smelling salts all over his chin strap.
In 2003, I went to a Baylor game in Waco and told the impressionable tweener sitting in front of me that God had forsaken the Bears because she danced at the Lock-In the night before.
But the worst thing I ever done was before the TX/OU game in 2006. I stole a cooler of Jell-O shots from the girls tailgating next to us when they went to the bathroom and I blamed on two Sooner fans. Then when they went to complain, I ate their Jell-O shots and went into the Cotton Bowl and then at halftime, I made this noise....whoooaaaa, whooooooaaaaa, whoooooooaaaaaaaaaaa...and I puked homogenized corndog-fried snicker-funnel cakes all over the seats in front of me while those people were at the concession stands and I left without trying to clean it up. And as my wife was dragging me out of stadium to drive me home, I told a cop I had the Avian Flu so he wouldn’t arrest me for public intox.”
Now, don’t you all feel better about yourselves. I thought so.
You see, Burnt Orange People like getting violently drunk, verbally abusive, and unapologetically crass. It’s just our way of drinking, I mean showing school spirit.
Is that a poor excuse and a telltale sign that our society as a whole is on the precipice of moral turpitude? Probably. But if you’re worried about Longhorns fans reputation as a whole, just remember this, history says we can’t call a problem an epidemic if it’s tradition.