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All Tomorrow's Parties

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If you'll indulge me for going all Barking Carnival here, this preview of the weekend's games to watch has a Velvet Underground theme.  Yeah, that's right.  Velvet Underground.  With Nico.  Take that, HenryJames!

All Tomorrow's Parties

And what costume shall the poor girl wear
To all tomorrow's parties ...

And where will she go and what shall she do
When midnight comes around
She'll turn once more to Sunday's clown
And cry behind the door ...

And what will she do with Thursday's rags
When Monday comes around ...

For Thursday's child is Sunday's clown
For whom none will go mourning ...

Oh those Thursday games did look good last night, didn't they?  It's great to have football back, even if it is Baylor's unique brand of "football."  But those games have come and gone.  Here's a recap: Baylor is still terrible, but Robert Griffin is less terrible than Kirby Freeman. Stanford: not terrible!  Oregon State: horrendous!  UTEP: maybe not actually very good at all!  Seriously, BUFFALO?  South Carolina: worst team to ever win a game by 34 points.

There, shed Thursday's rags and let's move on to All Tomorrow's (and Tonight's) Parties.  These are the games to tune into this weekend:

Southern Methodist at Rice:  I know what you're thinking: "WTF? BZ must be dating someone from one of those schools to pick that game.  And I've seen the Rice ladies at the games....so it better be an SMU girl."  Well, you're exactly right, but I swear that has nothing to do with it.  SMU is under new coach and Run and Shoot proprietor June Jones, inexplicably stolen from Hawaii where apparently he was too successful in too beautiful a setting for his tastes.  So he traded all that in for a 1-11 SMU squad in scenic Dallas.  Did I mention he suspended the incumbent QB and is starting a true freshman instead?  Awesome.  But here's the thing, they're going to suck this year, that's a given.  But they're always going to be fun to watch, and after that, are they going to become the next Texas Tech?  I can see the Mustangs getting better and better each year and getting better and better recruits until they get to where Texas Tech is today.  Texas is a much more fertile recruiting ground than Hawaii and if SMU can get into a territory where it's competing for Texas recruits with (and often beating out) TCU, Tech, Baylor and Houston, then the inherent advantages of Jones' offensive system can lead SMU to a point where they can compete for the title of the second best team in Texas.  It's all a hypothetical fantasy right now, but it's a hypothetical fantasy that wasn't even worth hypothesizing a year ago.  Something to keep an eye on. (Friday night)

Appalachian St. at LSU: It doesn't seem like LSU's the defending national champion does it?  Two losses, a graduating QB, a dismissed asshole QB, and a starting QB transfer from Harvard who, upon arriving for the game on Saturday will automatically become the smartest person to ever enter Tiger Stadium (also: the state of Louisiana).  Seriously, why haven't we discussed this yet?  Their starting QB is a transfer from the Ivy League!  Still though, I don't see App St. pulling the upset two years in a row.  One, because the element of surprise is missing, and two, because LSU's defense isn't full of slow-ass midwesterners coached by Lloyd Carr.  Armanti Edwards is amazing, but I just don't see it.  Nevertheless, could still be a good game to catch while you're waiting for the Horns game to start, if only to see what batshit insane stunt Les Miles pulls.

Illinois at Missouri: I'm not buying Illinois at all, but it'll be interesting to see where Missouri is at right now against a decent team.

Alabama vs Clemson (in Atlanta): Is Clemson really legit?  Can Tommy Bowden coach his way out of a paper bag?  Is Nick Saban the antichrist? What exactly is Clemson paying all those ridiculously talented recruits to commit?  [My guesses: probably not; no more than his daddy can navigate "the ebays"; um, obvi; meth?]

Washington at Oregon: Jake Locker is the quarterback for Washington.  I said repeatedly last year when he was a freshman that he reminds me of Vince Young more than any other QB I've ever seen.  Not that he's nearly as good as VY, but his running style is exactly the same.  Never looks like he's running that fast, but has a preternatural ability to avoid tackles.  It's sort of uncanny.  Did I mention that Locker is white?  Weird, huh?

Tennessee at UCLA: eh.  Neuheisel and Fulmer are both dicks and I really don't care, but it's college football on a Monday and it's going to be a hell of a lot higher quality game than those Thursday rags we have to shed when Monday comes around.  Or so say the Velvet Underground.  Nico compels you to watch this game! (Monday night)

[And while I have the opportunity in a post talking about music, whoever it is that makes Texas highlight videos, can you please stop using awful alternative rock?  Like, now?  Use the song List of Demands by Saul Williams or something.  There's even a part with some babies whining!  You could put video of Stoops complaining to the officials synched up with it.  It'll be great.  But please, no more Linkin Park.  That's all.  Thanks.]

Enjoy the weekend BONers.  If you're in New York, come out to the Texas watching parties at The Hill (416 Third Ave) or Stout (133 W. 33rd).  I'll be at one of them (not sure which yet).  I'll be the guy in the burnt orange shirt.  See you there!  --BZ