Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hurt your feelings?
BONer jokes aside, I've got just enough time tonight to completely screw up my running attempt at learning how to put together a Top 25 for this week. Click ahead, I promise there are no more bad jokes.
Time to Improvozize
The Inaugural Horn Brain Poll of Unlimited Vagary and Speculation
| Rank | Horn Brain's Picks | Why I Hope Not to be Ridiculed |
|
1 |
USC |
Oh God, I've got West Coast Bias-itis. |
| 2 | Florida |
Started slower, but beat Hawaii just as bad as Georgia last year. |
| 3 | Oklahoma |
Can't beat a 1-AA team and get into my INCG (Imaginary). |
| 4 | LSU | They'll go back down, just wait. |
| 5 | Georgia | Quit getting hurt! |
| 6 | Texas |
Showed that some offseason questions could be answered with a "YES!" |
| 7 | Ohio State | If Wells is ok, you'll go back up. |
| 8 | Missouri |
Mizzou fans wish they had our old defense. |
| 9 | Auburn |
Solid, like your ranking. |
| 10 | West Virginia |
Too much of Pat White's arm, not enough defense. |
| 11 | Alabama | Most impressive win thus far. |
| 12 | Wisconsin | Please lose to Fresno. Please. |
| 13 | Fresno State |
Beating Rutgers means more than it has in the past. |
| 14 | Brigham Young |
Imagine if you let them have a cup of coffee... |
| 15 | South Florida | Grothe's still all you've got. |
| 16 | Kansas |
We know nutzink. Have some schnitzel. |
| 17 | Utah |
I'm basing this on Michigan's defense supposedly being ok. |
| 18 | Oklahoma State |
Why , despite being a man and all that, does Mike Gundy look like a 6th grader? |
| 19 | Wake Forest | Ok, I'll bite. Whatcha got? |
| 20 | Texas Tech | Ar Defens isu nstopabil! |
| 21 | Penn State | Well... That was different. |
| 22 | Oregon |
You can't get your QB killed against Nobody State. |
| 23 | Illinois |
If Juice can throw like that, losing Mendenhall won't seem so bad. |
| 24 | UCLA |
Style points, but I'm having a hard time overlooking the hippy with the headset. |
| 25 | East Carolina |
This one's for giving Beamer the Beam. |
This week's lesson:
Don't expect coaches to change, unless they're Mack Brown (thank God). The media and I bought into the talent advantage that Clemson and Pitt were supposed to have, forgetting something that I regularly gripe about when discussing the Longhorns: All the talent in the world does you no good if you don't teach them how to play the game of football. When your only touchdown comes from your best player on a kickoff return, you know that you've been outcoached. When you get beaten by Bowling Green, well, you send your agent a flower basket for not letting you sign that contract without the guaranteed cash clause. At this point, we're still too early in the season for this poll to mean a thing, which as BZ pointed out, is a threat to the Constitution and the Independence of our sovereign Right to Declaration of Emancipation.
Whatever. It's not like I'm dropping bombs on your battleships, people. I'm just trying to bias your thinking with a narrative that's easier to write about than what's actually going on. It's not like anyone ever got hurt by that.
As always, if you convince me to move someone around, I'll do it.