Seeing how this is the most wonderful time of the year (to drink beer), I want to wish you and yours all the very best this Christmas and a safe and happy holiday. And since it's been quite the fall season for Burnt Orange Nation, this seems a most opportune time to take a few minutes to reflect on why we wake up every day thanking God we're alive and we're Texas Longhorns...
- First off, thank you Internet for allowing like-minded Orange Bloods to meet here, mingle smartly, and collaborate on all things Longhorn-sports related...and thank you ESPN for doing a crappy job delving into the blogosphere and giving us Tim Griffin, whose staff photo is apparently the mug shot from the time he got pinched for mopery. That was a tough night, wasn't it, Timmy? Forntunately for you, it's tough to get convicted for exposing yourself to a blind person when there's no "eye witness" to corroborate the story.
- Thank you PB for Web mastering BON.com, often overcoming your demanding schedule as the Notre Dame Law-Prechaun (Slainte, Peter O'Bean) to provide us with an endless array of thought provoking posts like the ones dissecting Alabama's SEC Title including what flavor of Gatorade the Crimson Tide waterboy prefers and what he was thinking when Tim Tebow sprung a leak...please let me know when you'll be rolling out Osterman All Day day.
No, seriously, keep reading, it gets worse...
- Thank you Mack Brown for returning the University of Texas football program to its rightful place as a perennial title contender and congrats on your 67% pay raise - can't think of anyone more deserving of a little extra walking-around money and given all you've given to us this season, please put yourself down for a little stocking stuffer too. I hope you get yourself something real nice...also, please disregard the lump of coal sent C.O.D. from the UT faculty, they are just bitter that Christmas bonuses were cancelled this year in favor of Jelly of the Month Club memberships. Mmmm, marmalade, membership does have its privileges.
- Thank you Texas coaches and support staff for helping guide our beloved Longhorns to an undefeated season (oftern taken for granted but never easy), thus allowing them to redeem last year's BCS snub and preventing us fans from having to spend the rest of our lives asking questions like, "what if we'd given Lubbock back to Mexico when we had the chance" and "what if a .018 got you an Obstruction of a Passageway misdemeanor instead of giving the Sooners another Big XII title and yet another shot at the whole enchilada"...oh and thank you Will Muschamp and Greg Davis for agreeing to alternate games, letting the offense win one and then the defense the next one. Besides, blow outs are Fascist, include some nailbiters every now and then, it's more Democratic.
- Thank you Colt McCoy for being the winningest QB in college football history, being a first class representative of the University of the first class, and staying classy even after shaving your mustache...also, thank you Hunter Lawrence for not allowing Colt to become the next Chris Simms and thank you Ndamukong Suh for being the Ralph Nader of the Midwest Heisman voting region and giving Colt and the Gang (especially the O-Line) all the motivation they need to get their heads right with ball and go win the trophy that matters.
- Thank you 2009 Longhorns Defense for hearkening us back to the 1983 squad and giving the offense the first half off on multiple occasions so they could find themselves and the end zone...don't worry about the A&M game, nobody can play well on 3 days rest, Sheeping with the Enemy, and eating a breakfast provided by the College Station Ramada Inn.
- Thank you BIg XII teams for finding bizarre - yet media-palatable and voter-friendly - ways to shoot yourselves in the foot prior to playing the Longhorns this season and making Offensive Stragegy a Pass-Fail and Fail some more course...thank you Sooners for pissing off the injury gods, thank you Deion Sanders for your candor, and thank you Mike Leach for not starting your QB with the good arm and the club foot in favor of the one who thinks he's in the Taliban.
- Thank you Deloss Dodds for overcoming your slow start in the 1980's and the 1990's and finally ensuring that Texas Longhorns Athletics will remain at the forefront of intercollegiate athletics for years to come...thank you Longhorns Volleyball for giving us a thrill and to Rick Barnes and the Texas Basketball team, we can't wait to open your present in March
It truly is a great time to be a Longhorns fan.
Merry Christmas BONers and please feel free to comment below on why you're thankful...or just thank me for making you all dumber and wasting precious time that you could have been spending with your family getting toasted on Egg Nog and Rum Ball. It's good, it's good.
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