All Can Be Forgiven With One Shining Comment

No doubt the loss to Baylor hurt us all deep down in places we don't like to talk about...unless, of course, we're posting anonymously online. And much to the chagrin of our fearless editor, many of you worked through your frustrations by posting mean-spirited and sometimes ignorant rants on the BON during and after the Baylor game. But please don't retreat to those forums where you can rant unencumbered by common decency or facts. PB didn't really mean it when he said you should migrate over to TexAgs. In fact he confided in me that he's not really mad at you, he's just trying to come to grips with his forbidden love for Sexy Dex and his chocoliciously smooth moves. (But don't tell him I told you that, it's his secret and his alone to bare.)

 

Anyway, at auspicious times like these, the BON community reluctantly (and unknowingly) reaches out to me to pinpoint the problem and assuage our collective anger. I'm usually too drunk to respond with anything cogent or coherent, so I just prescribe pestalling your little brother's Ritalin and snorting it up your nose. 

 

But I'm not going to do that today. No, I'm going to go all Dr. Phil up on your asses with a little Monday morning armchair quarterback psychoanalysis...

 

It's no secret that unabashed Longhorn Football fans have had a love-hate-what's-your-name-again relationship with Texas Basketball. If we can expect and demand that the Longhorns win every football game, what makes basketball so immune to unrealistic expectations and obsessive vitriol when they lose? And that's hard to reconcile. When you think about it, in many ways our relatively brief but turbulent affair with UT Basketball has been eerily reminiscent of our first foray into dating.

 

Hearken back to Jr. High (unless you're still there), when your hormones were raging, when you were "combing your hair" two or three times a day behind a heavily fortified bathroom door, and when girls were just as much of a mystery to you as was the Shepherd's Pie in the cafeteria. Like UT basketball now, you had an unfamiliar and sometimes unhealthy fascination with the opposite sex then. You knew you liked girls and strategically plotted ways to accidentally bump into them in the halls at school, but you were completely at a loss when it came to expressing your feelings about them. And during one of those dreaded occasions when you were forced to put your love on the line, probably at a school dance or letting the smart but lazy hot girl cheat off you in algebra, it felt like your world was going to end if that affection went unrequited. Maybe you even took the yearbook picture of the object of your unattainable desire, ripped it up, and rearranged the pieces ironically in Picaso-style on her locker earning yourself a 3-day vacation from school and a visit to the school psychiatrist. Hey, it wasn't completely your fault. Like A-Rod, you were young, dumb, and hopped up on hormones. 

 

So where was I...ah yes, UT Basketball. Just because you don't know what a moving pick is or understand why Barnes gives Matt Hill quality minutes, don't take your frustrations out on the BON or other community members and then retreat to the unconditional love of your action figure collection. Did that kind of defeatist attitude get you to second base with Becky Culpepper? No, and it won't help you become an effective communicator on BON basketball threads either.  

 

Fortunately for you my spiteful friends, the Longhorns' b-ball season isn't over. It's true. We've got the NCAA Tourney coming up. That's right, The BIG DANCE. And just like the Back-to-School New Faces Jam back in middle school, you're going to have to face your fear, overcome ignorance, and put your heart on the line if you want to stay online. Just think positively and if you can't type something nice about another commenter or intelligent about the latest Longhorn f*ck up, maybe sit that song out. But promise me you'll give faith (and Zoloft) a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance during The Big Dance.

 

You got chills, right...and that last line sounds really familiar for some reason but you don't want to admit that you recognize it even sitting all by yourself at your computer. That's okay, 54b understands. Sometimes love is inappropriate, just like back in Junior High.

 

Just in case, here's a little more inspiration for the upcoming week...