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54b's Commentary - Thanksgiving "Not So" Special

What's up BONers? 

Hell of a season we're having, huh? Can you believe it? A juggernaut of a football program that averaged 10 wins a season for over a decade may finish this one below .500.

That's crazy talk, right?

Just like the myriad emails and posts by shadowy bloggers that we somehow believe our credible because they claim their best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Major Applewhite and Will Muschamp diagramming a trick play called The Annexation of Puerto Rico at the Mean Girls table in the Belmont cafeteria. 

(And breathe in, breathe out...and repeat after me, "it's not your fault, Good Will Muschamp, it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault....")

And last, but certainly not least (expected), while I find it completely fascinating that the current psyche of the fans merits a debate as to whether or not we should actually root for a loss against the Aggies tomorrow night, I'm quite sure that it's a sign that the Apocalypse is nigh. Plus, Jesus (Shuttlesworth) told me so. And he'd know.  

Honestly, I think we've all gone mad.

So if you had Thanksgiving 2010 circled on your Mayan Tropic Bikini calendar, Congratulations, you're our big End of Days winner. Don't forget to remove your Nikes when going through the security line on the way to catch your comet...might want to check that role of quarters too, TSA might think it's your junk.

Seriously, what the Frank Denius Field is going on here? Who popped your practice bubble? Do you really want to use this doll to show Joe Jamail and the court where the bad Aggie touched you?

Please don't.

Cuz I don't want to read any more posts about how the Longhorns latest loss ruined your birthday? I don't want to hear how this is your Senior year and you paid for your Pom Poms with your very own money. And I don't want to see any more hypothetical fan posts about how you think the Longhorns should eat Greg Davis first after their plane crashes in the Andes on the way to the Chipotle Burrito Bowl. 

You know why, because like this commentary, you can mark it under who gives a shit.

If I haven't made a salient point yet, just wait until after the jump. It gets worse...

Somebody once asked me what it's like to be a Longhorns fan and I responded this way...

Longhorns fans believe we’re entitled because after all, We’re Texas. We make no apologies for unrealistic expectations, only idle threats if they’re unrealized.

Longhorns fans love our team intensely, loathe it just as intently, find solace only in victory, and contempt in defeat. 

Longhorns fans cheer like there’s no tomorrow when things go right and bitch like there never was a yesterday when things go wrong.

Longhorns fans are drunk with power when we win, yet soberly impotent when we lose. We actually drink ourselves silly in order to take the games more seriously.

Longhorns fans prejudge without provocation, indict without justification, blame when we’re in doubt, and ridicule when we’re not. 

And Longhorns fans plead for Texas football to love us as much as we claim to love it. But we’ll never be truly happy because truth be told, we’re not in love with a team, we’re in love with ourselves.

Sounds like I'm channeling Dr. Lou, but I dare you to read all the comments from this forum over the last 2 months and tell me one word of that is untrue. And you want to know the worst part, I actually wrote that during a national championship run. 

Let's just deal with it. We're 5-6. It's been a really shitty season and nobody knows that more than the players and coaches.

Regardless, no amount of hate, self-loathing or ridicule is going to change that or make it different. So let's act like we've been there before (and thankful for it) and not like the fan bases who act like they haven't. 

Speaking of, it's A&M week. It must be time once again for that tradition "unliked" by any other...

"The Thanksgiving Song" (If Adam Sandler were a Longhorn)

Love to beat Aggies.

Love to beat A-a-a-gies!!!

Love to beat Aggies cause it's good
Love to beat Aggies like a good Horn should
'Cause they're Aggies....they rude

Aggies are on a roll, just pinched NU,
But their offense still stinks, so does the Wrecking Crew
Love to beat those Aggies from College Station
Freshmen report to Fish camp for indoctrination

Aggies like to stand all game long
If cousin-lovin' ain't right, they'd rather be wrong
Aggie-faggie foo and Aggie-faggie fat
A&M once had an LB whose name is Dat

Thanksgiving is a special night
If you yell TEXAS, I'll yell FIGHT
that's RIGHT

Aggies' head coach Sherman said his talk was "long"
Can't believe Tony Jarod-Eddie pinched Cotton's ding dong
Watching the game, drinking a Bud
Can't believe Old Sarge looks like Elmer Fudd

Offense, Defense, Texas just can't lose
Some Aggie cheap shotted Colt and he got a bruise
Aggies on the run from dawn to early morn'
It'll never be over 'till Gabriel blows his horn

Beat those Aggies - put 'em 6 feet deep
Poor Aggies like to fornicate with their sheep
A&M's uniforms are maroon and white
Texas will go to a bowl game if they win outright

Oh, Aggies in the corps are called the noble men of Kyle
But they're about as close to real soldiers as Gomer Pyle
Gobble gobble goo and gobble gobble Gig'em
I don't like those Aggies and I hope we beat'em

Oh, Texas loves to beat Aggies on Thanksgiving

Texas - 23, Futile Farmers - 20

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.