clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Burnt Orange Blood Test

We all think our Longhorns faith is as strong as Bevo's hind legs. We give our autographed Earl Campbell helmet a knowing nod before we go to bed at night. We waited four hours in line at last year's autograph meet-and-greet with the players. We can recall all the players on the all-time top-10 rushing, receiving and passing lists.

But just how well does that burnt orange blood flow in those veins? What kind of a fan are you? How much are you willing to sacrifice? It's time you found out.

Below are eight scenarios to test your level of Texas football fandom. For each scenario, leave a comment answering if you would or would not do it given what you will receive or experience, and considering the consequences. Let's go...

Scenario #1
You score free BCS National Championship Game tickets (50-yard line, row 20) to watch Texas beat Ohio State in a fantastic game. It's without question the greatest sports experience of your life.

The Consequence: The "Boomer Sooner" tune plays over and over in your head all day long. It's there as soon as you wake up until you go to sleep. This lasts for three months.

Scenario #2
A contest is held to determine the No. 1 Longhorns fan in the world. You win. This obviously brings about life-changing endorsement deals, resulting in your own line of Nike shirts. You also get season tickets for life to three sports of your choosing. 

The Consequence: Every Texas game you attend for the rest of your life, you will be accompanied by an Aggie fan. Hook 'em and Gig 'em. Rough.

Scenario #3
You're taking a walk around campus and run into Mack Brown and Will Muschamp. They're impressed with your physique, and given the lack of depth at defensive tackle this year, they offer you playing time (albeit undetermined) in the next Saturday's game. You get a sack.

The Consequence: You have the following recurring nightmare every night for one year, and it seems so completely real every night, causing you to question your perception of reality: It's fourth and five with the National Championship on the line. Vince Young drops back to pass, pumps and runs to his right. He's nailed before he makes it back to the line of the scrimmage. USC wins 38-33. Scary.

Scenario #4
You walk into the Co-op to gear-up for the season. Balloons are released and sparklers fly. You are given an unlimited shopping spree, but you have to buy everything within 2 minutes.

The Consequence: To celebrate your great luck, you hit 6th Street with your friends. However, you wake up in the morning to discover you now have an "OU" logo tattoo. And, oddly, it's burnt orange. You cannot get it removed. But, it's in a VERY inconspicuous area, and no one will ever know it. But you'll always know. You will always know.

Scenario #5
You're sitting alone on a bench under a large tree on campus scribbling some innovative offensive plays in a notebook (you know you've done it). Greg Davis walks by and peeks over your shoulder. He loves one of your plays (especially since it's based off the receiver screen). He invites you to sit in the booth with him for the Oklahoma game and lets you call the game-winning play. You are given full credit for the call and asked to draw up several more plays that will be run for the rest of this year only.

The Consequence: You will no doubt be interviewed by several media sources. If you're a man, your voice sounds like a 7-year-old girl for one year. If you're a woman, your voice sounds like a 260-pound man with a thick, sweaty mustache for one year.

Scenario #6
You come home and there is a Fed-Ex package on your front porch. You open it to find an old, beat-up Texas jersey. After doing a little research, you discover it's the jersey Bobby Layne wore in his first game as a starting Longhorns quarterback. You verify it with the school and Layne's family. You don't know where it came from. It's all yours.

The Consequence: All your kids are born with an odd 4-inch birthmark that looks way too much like the Texas Tech double-T logo. It never goes away.

Scenario #7
Through a friend of a friend's uncle's cousin, you get in contact with Ricky Williams. After talking to him for a while, he asks you to keep his Heisman Trophy at your house for "several" years. No questions asked.

The Consequence: You have cut 1/3 inch off the tip of your left pinky finger.

Scenario #8
It's a cool October morning and you are walking toward DKR for the start of the game. Suddenly a worm hole opens up below you and you are shot back in time to a few minutes before the start of the National Championship game. Realizing the purpose of this phenomenon, you manage to get Colt McCoy's attention. Risking the complete unraveling of the space-time continuum, you warn him of the play that will knock him out of the game. He heeds your prophesy and avoids the hit. He throws four touchdowns and Texas beats Alabama 34-21. You also get to see the game from the sideline because someone mistakes you for a trainer. No one else ever knows of your intervention, but you have brought elation to tens of thousands (consequently millions) of burnt orange fans.

The Consequence: Your actions and choices have created an alternate and parallel universe to your own. You can never return to the reality you have always known. This means there are now two of you existing in this new reality, which means you will not be able to associate with those you care about. But Texas has five national championships and you have had the experience of your life.

There are your eight scenarios to ponder. These are heavy matters, so do not answer quickly. Again, answer below if you would or would not do them and tell everyone why.

Got some scenarios of your own? Let's hear 'em.