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Ash, McCoy and Shipley star in, "3's Company" - Pilot Episode

Please welcome to the main page a new weekly BON feature called, "3's Company." It's an unapologetic rip-off of the smash 70's sitcom of the same name and a feeble attempt to help explain UT's confounding quarterback rotation to the common fan...or Lay-Horns as I like to refer to them.

SETTING: Young quarterbacks David Ash and Case McCoy are roommates and share a 2-bedroom apartment with freshman phenom receiver, Jaxon Shipley, at a time in the cultural milieu (fancy word for time and place) when the dual QB system is considered taboo.

The pressure on the three young roommates is intense as the fate of the Longhorns football season likely rests in their hands. Their attempts to make the unorthodox ensemble arrangement work on and off the field often lead to palpable tension and comedic gold. Making matters worse, their landlord just happens to be new offensive coordinator, Bryan Harsin, and he has an uncanny knack for dropping by the apartment when least expected.

Watch as the hilarity ensues after the jump...


The Pilot (10/26/11) - "Bruised Eggos"

[Scene: Breakfast nook; Shipley is quietly sitting at the table plowing through a bowl of cereal while Ash and McCoy wait by the toaster trying to avoid eye contact and saying nothing; the silence is broken only when the first waffle pops up]

McCOY:  Hey, hands off, Rook, that's my Eggo.

ASH:  Whatevs...2nd stringers get the 2nd Eggo.

McCOY:  Let me have it or...or I'll move back to the dorm.

ASH:  Audios, brochacho.

SHIPLEY:  Chillax dudes...and one of you pass me the Frosted Minis."

[Both Ash and McCoy reach for the box of cereal, but Ash manages to wrestle it away.]

ASH:  Ha, get some bigger hands and maybe you won't fumble so much.

[Ash then tosses the cereal to Shipley, but his pass is low causing Shipley to fall out of his chair]

McCOY: Ha, try hitting a receiver in the hands for once.

ASH:  Maybe if he ran the right route I would.

SHIPLEY:  Dude, are you still mad about last night?

ASH:  [Pointing to lips] Duh. How many times do I have to tell you? Sock on the door means,  DO...NOT...ENTER.

McCOY:  Hot route, dude. Hot route.

[The boys are interrupted by a violent knock. Shipley goes over and opens the door.]

HARSIN: [Wearing a Coach's polo with the collar popped and sniffling really loudly]  What's up, Ship? Where are the spuds?

SHIPLEY: In the kitchen...why do you call them, spuds?

HARSIN: It's an Idaho thang, don't worry about it.

[Harsin entering the kitchen.]

HARSIN:  Oh man, it smells like up-horns in here.

ASH:  Um, what's up-horns?

HARSIN:  [Waiving his hand in Ash's face] Yeah, get yur horns up. Get it?

McCOY: that also an Idaho thing?

HARSIN:  Okay, pop quiz, small fries...what is your progression if I call: trips-right-reverse-double-X-over-star-4 with a blue bronco buster special?

McCOY:  Spy X receiver...look off tight-end...outlet to upback...and...and...


ASH:  Tuck it and run?

HARSIN:  No, tater tot. You throw it out of bounds.

SHIPLEY: [Shaking his head.] I knew I should have moved in with Fozzy.