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Ex-UT Backup QB Matt Nordgren is...Most Eligible Dallas

What's up Boners?

Since I can hardly handle reading anymore good news about the Aggies SECeding...or LHN proudly announcing that it'll be offered on close circuit prison cable TV...or Jaxson Shipley's sister giving Harsinwhite advice on which QB to start via Twitter...or Hopkins Horn taking his football and going home (WTF)...

I thought we'd discuss something much more positive and good for the soul like Ex-UT back-up QB Matt Nordgren's first episode of Most Eligible Dallas.

Far be it from me to begrudge a former Longhorns football player the opportunity to extend his 15 minutes of fame while getting paid to drag some quality strange home from Dallas chi-chi bars. But something tells me espousing the virtues of being a man-whore on basic cable is not what Mack Brown had in mind when he told Matt and his teammates, "if you have enough about you to win a national championship, you've got enough about you to be a great citizen and a great role model."

Oh well. I'm sure Matt Nordgren's exploits on Bravo are a minor inconvenience when compared to the other PR challenges the athletic department has faced over the years. And if you're shocked that the network that brought us Queer Eye For The Straight Guy has attempted to outdo itself with what basically amounts to Queer Hag For The Douche Bag, then you're probably writing your congressman to complain that Matt and his spray tan team of 30-somethings have managed to downgrade irreverent reality TV to a AA+ rating.

But to the producers' credit (I suppose), they do have the cast go out of their way to let the viewer know right up front that they plan on putting on a clinic for how one should properly usurp a privileged upbringing to live a vapid, superficial existence to the fullest - a sad commentary on a "reality TV" generation who can seemingly exonerate any level of lascivious behavior with the "they were just keeping it real" defense.

Moral turpitude and tastelessness aside, I'd say the biggest critique of the show after just one episode is that in the midst of a huge recession when the majority of the country is worried about making ends meet almost to the point mental breakdown, the producers and editors of the show couldn't possibly have portrayed Matt and his friends as being anymore pretentious, ignorant and removed from reality.

Example...a girl featured on the show name Tara actually does something seemingly selfless by adopting a dog from an animal shelter that could have been euthanized if a home wasn't found for it. But then the cameras follow her as she brings the dog back to her parents' palatial mansion and has the housekeeper fix the dog some haute cuisine. Even more absurdly, she serves the food to the dog on Wedgewood china.

Did the camera crew prod her to do that just for shock value? Probably.

And there's no question these shows edit the hell out of the footage to produce the most provocative content possible and the fact that I'm here posting about it today is proof positive that they're good at what they do. But I don't want to hear Matt blame editors or claim he was misrepresented after proudly exclaiming that "he was groomed to be a great man" and explaining his theory on dating:

"Why be one-on-one when you can be three-on-one, or five-on-one or get another guy and be fifteen-on-two?"


Regardless, other than providing decent fodder for jokes on Texas forums like this one, I don't see Most Eligible Dallas making much of a dent in the cultural milieu or even getting picked up for a second season. Despite playing by the reality TV rulebook by featuring a morally reprehensible cast unrestrained by their own inhibitions, my initial takeaway after the first episode is that Matt and his friends just aren't that interesting.

The reason shows that trade on contrived drama like Jersey Shore stay on the air is because the characters find a way to make the audience love or hate them to the point that they want to know what happens next. And I'd argue the Dallas' most eligible crew just aren't pretty enough outside and ugly enough inside to be considered different enough to bother. And being pathetic is never a cure for audience apathy.

That said, perhaps it's a bit early for talk of the show's demise after just one episode and considering I'm a happily married, father of two with much bigger concerns, like who's starting at QB for Texas, perhaps I'm not exactly who Bravo is counting on to drive ratings. So while I won't be around to watch episode two, I do wish Matt the best of luck with his television career.

Then again, if in one of the episodes, Matt actually does get the nod to come off the bench from some big-hair-fake boobed Texas harlot and happens to fumble the prophylactic only to have it bounce right back up into his hands on his way in for the score, well then, I might have to tune back in.

Somewhere Marty Cherry nods approvingly.