Let's Do It: Let the Hate Flow Through You

Tom Pennington

Look, I get it. The Horns are not in a good place right now. All logic and evidence point to the fact that Oklahoma will run us over in Dallas yet again. It's hard to get excited about a rivalry game when we've been blown up by a combined 80 points the last two seasons and we'll probably lose several more the rest of the season. Many of us are just counting down the days until Mack Brown leaves and the program finally gets reset.

But my goodness, this is still the University of Texas. Which means we have a moral obligation to pour out our hatred onto the Land Thieves and their useless state up north.

I don't mean a personal hate; I don't find any reason to hate a person simply because he went to OU, and when I hear about fans physically hurting each other or otherwise losing their minds, I find it embarrassing that adults would stoop that low. It's only a game. But within that game, well, let's just say that I smile when I see a dejected Stoops face. Or crying Oklahoma fans. Or plays like this. I don't hate individual Sooners, but Oklahoma, the brand, the team, the idea... I wish nothing more than humiliation and misery for them. It's even better when we inflict it, of course.

So you know what? Bring it on. Objectively, no one should bet on Texas to win. But as Kurt Russell said in the movie Miracle, "If we played them 10 times, they might win nine. But not this game." I've never seen the movie and the Miracle On Ice occurred well before I was born, but heck, it's a great quote from a sort-of action movie star.

Don't fall into the trap of actually wanting OU to win so that Mack Brown's fate is even more sealed. I think the jig is up for Brown anyway. I'm also not saying that we fall into the opposite trap of making this game our entire season; a bad season that includes beating Oklahoma is still a bad season. At the University of Texas, we don't have Super Bowls unless we go to a Super Bowl, which I'm fairly certain is impossible. That said, we should treat the game as it is: A game where we can beat down the knuckleheads up north, embarrass them with one of the most underperforming Texas teams in recent memory, and send their fanbase into a spiral of disbelief and anger.

Remember how satisfying it was to see Case McCoy, awful through the whole game, aimlessly stumble his way into FG range against the Aggies before we sent them off with a heartbreaking loss? Just imagine the meltdown in Norman if McCoy flutters a pass on fourth and long over the middle that gets tipped twice and falls onto the chest of John Harris when he's already laying down, setting up a Fera field goal that bounces off one upright into the middle for the game winning field goal. Not only would that be highly entertaining, it would be sweet justice against Oklahoma for their crime of being Oklahoma.

From a football perspective, Texas may suck, but Oklahoma sucks in an ontological sense. Suckitude is simply an attribute of their being, unchanging, eternal, and inescapable. Texas sucks now but can un-suck tomorrow. Oklahoma will always suck. They proudly claim success with Barry Switzer, this cheating and brainless mistake of the human race that perfectly encapsulates who they are. They find Bob Stoops' chinless face endearing. When former Heisman winner Billy Sims acted like a drunken buffoon during the Heisman ceremony, they circled their mobile homes and defended him. They call upon this insipid idea of "Sooner Magic" to claim supernatural favor when nothing would favor such a desolate state and school. Oh, do they suck. Even in possible worlds where no life exists, there is in an echo from eternity of this necessary truth, "Oklahoma sucks."

In some sense, there is no need for us to give timely reminders that "OU still sucks." That's like saying something like, "It's 2:30, and 2+2 still equals 4." It's a redundant exercise because we know time cannot change what is basic to the Oklahoma Sooners. They suck now, they will suck tomorrow, and they will suck when the last star burns out. It's so obvious that it hardly needs repeating. For normal functioning human beings outside of that sorry state, it's a primitive intuition. We need not check up on a truth that is forever constant...

That said: It's 10:53 a.m., and OU still sucks.

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