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The 2015 Texas basketball drinking game

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The Texas Longhorns men's basketball team is playing on the road tonight in Ames, Iowa, and if you're upset that this preseason top-ten squad has a very significant chance of leaving Hilton Coliseum unranked, I understand. It's tough being a fan sometimes. Just ask either one of these two morons about fandom. It's hard.

So we've created a fun little game for you all to play during Texas basketball that might make it easier to watch. It's the Texas basketball drinking game, and it can kill you.

DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME WITH HARD LIQUOR, PLEASE.  IT IS TOO DANGEROUS.

First, grab a beer or a glass of wine (we are t-sips, after all) and a snack and get comfortable, this game is not for the timid or the weak.

If you witness any of the following, take a drink.

FREEBIE: If Rick Barnes' scowl appears on camera before the first half under-16 media timeout, take a drink.

    1. If Texas has scored less than four points going into the first commercial break, take a drink.
    2. If there is less than 15 seconds on the shot clock and Texas hasn't advanced the ball inside the three-point line, take a drink.
    3. If a Javan Felix shot hits the backboard but not the rim, take a drink.
    4. If Connor Lammert passes up a wide open look at a three-pointer and instead chooses to pass, take a drink.
    5. If Isaiah Taylor makes some insane shot in the final seconds before a shot clock violation to save a possession, take a drink.
    6. If we spend five seconds trying to enter the ball into the high elbow just so we can run an entire offensive set through Ridley or Ibeh at the high post, take a drink.
    7. If Cam Ridley brings the ball below his belt and gets stripped in the low post, take a drink.
    8. If Prince Ibeh goes for a pump fake, take a drink.
    9. If Jonathan Holmes gets into it with a defender, take a drink.
    10. If Barnes says something along the lines of, "They aren't doing what we're telling them to do," at halftime, take a drink.
    11. Shot clock violation. Drink.
    12. If someone on TV mentions Cam Ridley's weight loss, take a drink.
    13. KENDALL YANCY TURNOVER TWO DRINKS
    14. If Ibeh goes to the foul line and air balls, take a drink.
    15. Felix fadeaway? Drink.
    16. If Barnes yanks out a player for making a simple mistake, take a drink.
    17. If Barnes doesn't yank out Felix for making a grave mistake, take a drink.
    18. If Demarcus Holland attempts a three, take a drink.
    19. Ridley's at the top of the key with the ball again. Drink.
    20. If Myles Turner's beautiful free throw attempts don't touch the rim, take a drink.
    21. If someone in your timeline or on a message board demands Rick Barnes' termination, take a drink.
    22. If one of the Longhorns' big men hit the deck, take a drink.
    23. KENDALL YANCY TURNOVER TWO DRINKS
    24. If Mike Finger tweets "Hard button", take a drink.
    25. If Isaiah Taylor signals a play and the defender immediately makes the same signal, take a drink.
    26. If someone on TV can't believe Texas is struggling so badly, take a drink.
    27. If Barnes fails to call a timeout during a crucial, potentially unrecoverable run by the opponent, take a drink.
    28. If someone on TV sarcastically references the intensity level of the Frank Erwin Center, take a drink.
    29. If Texas loses, but the analysts are cautiously optimistic about the future, take a drink.
If you have played this game and are still alive, crawl to the closest landline and dial 911. There might still be time to revive you.