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Lame LA-J writer ranks Austin last among Big 12 cities

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Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

What does your average curmudgeonly, lame, middle-aged white sportswriter think about Austin, home of the Texas Longhorns?

Not much, apparently, as Don Williams of the Lubbock Avalanche-Journal comically listed America's fastest-growing city last among all Big 12 towns:

Traffic's hell. Parking's impossible. Humidity's oppressive. Panhandlers are pushy. (Unsolicited windshield wash anybody?) New-era hippies and liberals flourish. The worst city in the Big 12, hands down.

Williams then goes on to mention that there isn't much to do in Stillwater (No. 9 on the list), cites the barbecue in Ames (No. 8) as a strength of the Midwestern city, then trashes Austinites again by noting that fans in Norman don't seem "too self-important." Just watch out in the rest of Sooner Country or you get might your testicles ripped off by an Oklahoma fan for wearing burnt orange in the wrong place. But hey, at least they aren't self-important!

One can only assume that Williams isn't completely serious with his ridiculous list, featuring such flimsy arguments as it does. Unless he truly believes that the city grid of Lubbock and mid-sized feel of the sandstorm-infested, foul-smelling West Texas city actually make it the best in the Big 12, which seems both sadly possible and sadly plebeian.

In any case, hope he enjoys it out there in the middle of nowhere. Austin is over-crowded as it is.

Here's the total list:

  1. Lubbock, Texas -- Texas Tech
  2. Norman, Oklahoma -- Oklahoma
  3. Waco, Texas -- Baylor
  4. Fort Worth, Texas -- TCU
  5. Morgantown, West Virginia -- West Virginia
  6. Manhattan, Kansas -- Kansas State
  7. Lawrence, Kansas -- Kansas
  8. Ames, Iowa -- Iowa State
  9. Stillwater, Oklahoma -- Oklahoma State
  10. Austin, Texas -- Texas