What's up, BONers?
Yeah, it's that time of the year again. We're close. You can't actually see it, but you can put your ear on the railroad track and feel the college football train coming down the line. Problem is, you're just not sure whether Bevo is about to get on board for a title run or is currently tied to the track about to get run over.
It also doesn't help that it's 108 degrees outside, your sweaty ball sack is currently stuck to your vinyl couch and the biggest sporting event of the weekend is a coin flip between the WNBA All-Star game and seeing if you can draft an All-Pyrotechnics Fantasy Football Hands Team. Too soon?
Needless to say, we need college football, we need Longhorns football, and we need it now.
But it's hard to know how to feel going into this season?There hasn't been much talk of any real substance on Longhorns Football of late. It's like Coach Strong asked AD Patterson to divert Texas fans' attention away from the field this summer and to do that, our good buddy $teve found some inventive ways to turn our athletic program into Spirit Airlines...the latest money making scheme, "coaches have to pay for meals with the players in the dining hall." Really? That's where we're drawing the line? Why don't we make the coaches bring their own toilet paper to work while we're at it?
And yet, despite Longhorns Nation's seemingly collective disenchantment with the program, scoring a ticket to the Notre Dame game is proving to be harder than finding your way into the Maywather/Paq fight even though we have no reason to believe this UT team will be any better than the one that shit Jim Bowie's bed at the Alamo.
Seriously, right after the Arkansas game, we were convinced Tyrone was headed to play TE. And now it's like Swoopes is basically the Obamacare of QBs. Everyone agrees he's not the best option but yet nobody has any better ideas and Heard, if you believe the media reports, is essentially health insurance that doesn't cover pre-existing conditions like not being able to throw a football.
On top of all that, the Big XII Commish at media days said they're all still very happy with only 10 teams in the Big XII, which is basically like when the owner of an NFL team gives the kiss of death by saying he has total confidence in his head coach. I mean, hell, we might as well go buy Pac 16 South hats and t-shirts now so we can beat the Christmas rush.
Then again, I guess I shouldn't complain. No real news about UT football is far better than waking up every morning like last July to find out which UT player was getting kicked off the team because he couldn't obey Strong's five commandments for not being a menace to society. Seriously, did we need to tell players they can't carry guns and beat up women? I don't think Mack was okay with that behavior either even if the players did give their victims credit.
What's the team motto this year? "If you ain't first, you're last" or "Waiting for 2016 like the rest of America?"
See you in South Bend. If you need me I'll be practicing for the ND tailgate, aka, Beer Bong with the Leprechaun.
UPDATE: Everything above is intended to be humorous, not taken seriously, nor as an invitation to grind political axes. I tried to make that obvious. If anything, this is an invitation to talk about how you're feeling about the upcoming season. Good, bad or indifferent, let's hear it!