I’m about to get into the botes-making game.
What’s a bote? Botes are used to collect urine samples, which the Texas Longhorns football program goes through at a rate of approximately 125 of them before every practice — one for each player on the team.
Over the course of the 13 practices so far, that means the ‘Horns have used approximately 1,600 urine sample botes. Over the course of preseason camp and football season, Texas could use approximately 7,500 of the specimen containers at a cost of at roughly $1,500 at online bulk discount rates.
Wonder if Herman asked for the budget for that in his initial meeting with president Greg Fenves and athletic director Mike Perrin.
But, back to the peeing and the business opportunity of which someone is taking advantage.
First, there’s the deed.
Then there’s the pee-shaming.
Someone on the staff collects the sample from each player, measures them, then assigns the player a passing or failing grade based on their respective hydration levels.
For team-wide purposes, you’re either a champion or you’re a bad guy.
Coaches then read out the names of the players who passed and the players who failed. Those who fail consistently therefore get pee-shamed before every practice.
There is no escaping the bote or the judgement. Or the possibly resultant pee-shaming.
On Tuesday, however, in a serendipitous moment, just as Anwar Richardson of Orangebloods noticed the hydration chart in the football facilities, the Texas team was hitting 100-percent hydration for the first time in the Tom Herman era.
Truly a golden era of Longhorns football.
Er, well, actually the light, clear magnificence of more than 100 championship-level pisses taken in concert.
Pure, like a crystal football.
Now that’s alignment in pissing excellence.
It brings to mind the final lines of the creed of the Gallon-water-bottle-man.
“So be it, until victory belongs to Texas and there is no Oklahoma, but only piles of crystal footballs!”
So be it.