clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

How Brandon Jones passes his urine hydration tests

New, 19 comments

Sounds like... not fun. But it’s important to piss like a champions every day.

NCAA Football: Big 12 Media Days Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

The urine hydration chart used by Texas Longhorns head coach Tom Herman hasn’t been a topic of conversation that often since April 2017, when it became a thing.

On Tuesday, it was a thing again.

Brandon Jones maintains championship-level hydration. That’s a good teammate. Hook em.

“Two-water-bottle-man’s Creed”

These are my two night bottles. There are many like it, but these two are mine.

My two night bottles are my best friends. They are my life. I must master them as I must master my life.

Without me, my two night bottles are useless. Without my two night bottles, I am useless — a selfish teammate or worse. I must use my two night water bottles true. I must pee mellower than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must out-pee him before he out-pees me. I will...

My two night boattles and I know that what counts in war is not the urine we fire, the spray from our burst, nor the sighs we make of relief. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit...

My two night bottles are human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn them as my brothers. I will learn their weaknesses, their strengths, their parts, their accessories, their sights and their caps. I will keep my two night bottles clean and full, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...

Before God, I swear this creed. My two night water bottles and I are the defenders of our university. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life.

So be it, until victory belongs to Texas and there is no Oklahoma, but only CFP trophies!

SB Nation: Wescott Eberts